We limit ourselves every time we consciously or unconsciously talk ourselves out of what we really want. And this isn’t just about limiting ourselves on the professional ladder but also our happiness with ourselves.

Here are 5 areas you need to conquer if you would like to stop talking yourself out of what you really want.

1. Acknowledge your fear.
“What if I don’t know what to do or what to say? What if I freeze?”

The first thing we do when we feel this uncomfortable emotion is do whatever it takes to get rid of it. We don’t sit with it and try to get to the bottom of it to see if the fear is even rational – instead we give it life by treating it as if it’s real, logical and justified.

It’s alright to feel fear. It’s a part of life. But it’s not alright to feed it so it grows so strong it controls us. And fear naturally grows when we don’t provide new evidence - evidence that directly invalidates it.
Acknowledging the fear instead of running away from it and analyzing it gives you insight into what’s really causing it. It’s an important step.

Many women wait for the fear to disappear before they will take action. But it’s impossible to deal with the fear first and then go after what you want. Getting rid of fear happens on your way to going after what you want and doing the things that scare you. It’s the only way to getting the new evidence you need to gain control over your fear

2. Stop trying to be a fortune teller.
“It won’t work out and the risk is to great considering that I likely won’t get the result I want.”

We all do this one. Even when we imagine how our future will end up, we are fortune-telling. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact, it is healthy and necessary as long as the fortune telling isn’t discouraging us from going after what we want.

A few people are so optimistic that they will always predict success for themselves. These are obviously not the people who talk themselves out of what they really want.

Many others are likely to predict failure. The prediction, however, is biased as it is based on fear, insecurity, and interpretation of past experiences.
What kind of a fortune teller are you? Perhaps you often feel like things have a fair chance of working out and you’re even happy to share your positive expectations with others. But when it comes time to act, somehow you fall short. If that is the case, you’re really a “pseudo-optimist” and you’re tricking yourself more than you’re helping yourself.

3. Silence your inner critic.
“I’m not that smart. I know my skills aren’t what they should be.”

Your inner critic (AKA coward) will give you a million and one reasons why something won’t work out, why you don’t have what it takes, and why you don’t quite deserve it. In fact, this inner critic will tell you anything necessary to stop you from stepping out to get what you want.

The inner critic is a voice from the past. Sometimes it’s someone else words that you are repeating to yourself and sometimes it’s a voice you invented growing up as you didn’t have a proper support system who would encourage you to challenge the negative words.

No matter what the cause, your inner critic is now holding you back from enjoying life to the fullest. If you’re aware of it, a large part of your work is already done. Now it’s time to start challenging the voice that’s been holding you back.

4. Let yourself feel awkward.
“I’m kind of awkward and I don’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

Awkwardness is connected to our worry of feeling embarrassed about how we’ll look in front of others.
But whether you’ll be swinging a golf club for the first time, giving a speech in front of a group, or starting a new position at work, feeling awkward is bound to happen as your mind and body are not yet used to the unfamiliar motions.

Only routine will bring your comfort. Routine will also bring you more of the same.

Instead, familiarize yourself with the feeling of newness. Try new things regularly until you become comfortable with newness and it starts feeling natural to you. Familiarizing yourself with uncertainly and the unknown will keep you from talking yourself out of what you really want.

5. Don’t over-think.
“If I try again I may be disappointed. And people will start to talk. I really want this success, but not all things are meant to be. My past certainly doesn’t have a great track record. And there’s many people out there who are much more qualified. But I really want it. Why am I so negative? OK... Here’s the plan... I am going to deal with these negative thoughts and I’m going to brush up on my skills first. I will definitely go after the next opportunity that comes along.”

The thoughts that just don’t stop. This is analysis paralysis and it goes on and on. Sometimes it’s easier to sit around and think in circles then go and do things. And that’s why it’s tempting to sit and not act.
But, here’s a hint. When you’re ‘over thinking’ you’re really not thinking. You’re regurgitating the same thoughts you always have, and coming up with the same future plans you always come up with, with same renewed determination you always feel. Real thinking requires original thoughts not playbacks.

When you over think you’d probably like to believe you are being analytical and considering all angles. But your over thinking isn’t objective. It’s the memorized emotions and thoughts that always poke their head out when it comes to going after something you want.

Author's Bio: 

Toronto Life Coach for Women, Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA, provides training and support to kind-hearted and genuine women who struggle with their self-esteem, feel stuck and trapped, or are emotionally exhausted. I offer educational programs, products with the goal of helping my clients Reach Their Full Potential.

Specifically Ivana helps women:

1. Understand and overcome self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviours that keep them from making significant progress

2. Leverage their innate strengths and abilities to Reach Their Full Potential

3. Use their Full Potential to create a lasting difference in the world

For more information visit: www.lifecoachintoronto.com