If your husband cheated on you, I am sincerely sorry to hear that. I know only too well how painful it can be to have your significant other cheat on you. But often the hardest thing is dealing with the haunting images that seem to endlessly play through your mind all day long and make you feel horrible.

What can you do to stop this damaging thought process and regain control over your own mind?

Well, I want to share with you something that is surprisingly simple, but many people just don’t realize, and that is what is responsible for all negative feelings.

Whenever you feel a negative emotion (and I do mean any negative emotion), it is because you are focusing your mind on what you do not want.

You see, when you focus your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don’t want and creating pictures of it in your mind. This just reaffirms those haunting images of your husband with another woman, for example.

Even if you are trying to avoid or push away the negative thoughts, you are still focusing on the negative outcomes (and thus only adding fuel to the fire). For example, if you decide that you want to avoid feeling hurt again, your mind must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.

This is how focusing on what you do not want creates negative emotions.

If you want to stop this vicious cycle and end the feelings of pain and betrayal, you need to instead change your focus to what you do want.

Rather than avoiding pain and suffering, you probably want something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask yourself what it would be like to feel happy or to feel loved.

This causes your mind to begin imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.

This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.

First, you recognize that you are focusing on what you don’t want.

Then you stop and ask yourself, “Okay, if this is what I don’t want, what do I want?”

Then you start to focus on what you do want.

This may be difficult at first, since the negative emotions you are experiencing have a sort of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this will become easier with practice and you can start to end the painful emotions and horrifying thoughts that rush through your mind after your husband’s affair.

You can begin to notice whether you are focusing on what you want or what you don’t want, and when you notice your focus on something you don’t want, you can start to intentionally change it to something that you do want. With continued practice, you can start to move your life in a positive direction that will help build a foundation for happiness and love in the future.

Author's Bio: 

If you'd like to learn more about married men and affairs, then I strongly suggest you check out my Marriage Sherpa review.

Alex Haight is a relationship writer helping women with relationship problems and specializing in affairs and infidelity.