In many ways, the time in your relationship after infidelity is completely new. But, in others, it’s not. It’s a strange feeling because while so much has remained the same, something really big has changed. It can take a lot of time and effort to strengthen the emotional bond in your relationship after infidelity.

Your Feelings Are Normal

This is probably one of the most important things to remember that when you find out your spouse is cheating, or even if you’re the one who has cheated, all the feelings you have are normal. They are going to be raw for a while. You’re going to feel as if you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. One day you’re going to be up, the next you’re going to be down and this is just going to be how it is for a while. It’s all normal.

The trick is that each of you accepts that the other person’s feelings are normal and not to be judged. You cannot force anyone to feel a certain way. They are in charge of their own emotions and will need to navigate them in the best possible way for themselves. You try to be in charge of your emotions and let your spouse be in charge of theirs. But, take it one step further and let your spouse know that their feelings are normal and even if you don’t understand that it’s okay and they’re normal. Showing that you can empathize will help build a stronger bond between you.

Become a Whole Person Independently

When you’re in a strong marriage, you’re really two whole parts coming together to make something new. You’re not two halves of a whole. Find a way to understand who you are without your spouse. This doesn’t mean you want to be without them, but it does mean that you don’t hang every ounce of your happiness on their feelings, emotions or actions.

Plus, when you each become individuals, it gives the other party a chance to see you in a new light and will help bring more ways to respect and love each other to the forefront. For example, if you love volunteering but stopped doing it when you got married, then you need to start doing it again. Don’t give up who you are to be in the marriage. That type of thing causes resentment instead of strengthening the emotional bond.

Get Help Independently and Together

Seek outside help in the form of counseling for your marriage but also for you as individuals. When two strong people enter into a marriage the relationship is apt to be stronger than if two needy people who don’t have any confidence get together. When you can be a strong person separately, you also become more attractive to the other party. This is a new way to strengthen the emotional bond in your marriage.

It’s imperative that if you do seek this outside help that you do it with everything you have. Be honest, be open, and be willing to make changes when necessary and most of all be willing to show how you feel to your spouse. It’s only through these feelings that you share that you can increase your closeness.

Choose to Recommit

At some point after the infidelity is over, you both need to choose to recommit to your marriage. It helps if you do something special for the recommitment. Redo your vows, have a dinner, or something. You can do it publically or privately, but the important thing is that you choose to recommit to each other in a way that means something to you both.

When you do recommit that will help bring your emotional bond a lot close together in more ways than you can describe. It’s sort of like walking across a stage to get your diploma, it’s a way to make the past the past and the future the most important aspect of your life. What happened then, is over, what is happening now is paramount.

Date Your Spouse

Once you’ve recommitted, another way to build the emotional bonds even deeper is to start dating your spouse. It’s something that all married couples should continue to do throughout their marriage. Your marriage is frankly the most important part of your union over your kids even. Make your spouse a priority by dating.

Even if you don’t have much money you can find a way to date by going on long walks, picnics, or just making a point to lock yourselves in the bedroom for a couple of hours for no interruptions even if you’re just watching a movie together at home it’s the point of taking the time to be together and treat each other nice. Dating goes behind those nights though, they pass into how you treat each other in the morning, after work, and so forth.

Take Your Time

Also, remember that there is no rush. You can set a timeline that works for you both on rebuilding your relationship. In fact, the more time you take the better because it shows a deep commitment to rebuilding the relationship right, as individuals and as a couple. Both of you will need time to go through the pain and anger, to rediscover each other as individuals, and then to rebuild the emotional bonds as a couple who not only loves but trusts each other.

Your relationship really will never be the same again. But you don’t really want it to be. Let it be a new relationship that is infidelity proof, emotionally strong, and solid. If you both want it, it will happen.

Author's Bio: 

C Mellie Smith knows firsthand the pain of betrayal. At Infidelity Healing her mission is to help couples heal and rebuild their emotional connection after an affair. Visit: to get started.