How To Survive In An Unhappy Marriage: How To Be Happy In An Unhappy Relationship

Married and feeling desperate, disappointed, discouraged and unhappy is not what most couples signed up for when they said "I do". Married and dealing with infidelity, loneliness, low self-esteem, lack of communication, disrespect and unhappiness is definitely not what was expected with your marriage commitment. Well, statistics show that over 50% of the marriages today end up in divorce. I can give you 2 reasons (in my humble opinion) why there is unhappiness in most of the marriages that end up in divorce. Selfishness and lack of love!

In a broad sense there are some common problems in a marriage that take the marriage from a blissful relationship to that unhappy marriage stage such as;

Abuse (Physical and Emotional)
Communication
Fighting
Commitment by one or both spouses
Infidelity
Money
Intimacy
Jealousy

All of the above issues can lead to an unhappy marriage. If you have been married for a little while (it doesn't take long) you probably stumbled upon one of these issues. You may not have become unhappy with your marriage but a brief flash of "oh no what did I get myself into" probably popped into your head. If you haven't hit one of these marriage hurdles yet, trust me you will.

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Let's deal with the selfishness that ignites a lot of the fires in a marriage and turns them from happy to an unhappy marriage.

Here is the definition of selfish just for the record; devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

A very selfish person is very difficult to either be happy in a marriage or make a spouse happy, unless they change and become less selfish during the marriage. Marriage is a commitment between 2 people being joined together as one. It's no longer my stuff and your stuff, or my time and your time or my money and your money. Everything is now "ours" once you get married. A very selfish person is unwilling to put their spouses' interests, benefits, and welfare first. This can lead to an unhappy marriage.

Can an unselfish person be responsible for making the marriage unhappy? The answer of course is yes. However, I believe you have a much greater chance of having a happy marriage instead of an unhappy marriage because an unselfish person is more likely to grow together with their unselfish spouse and become like one.

To make a marriage become better and go from being an unhappy marriage to a happy marriage we need to get the selfish spouse(s) to see how putting their interests ahead of the spouse or in some cases the entire family is causing frustration, hurt, disappointment and could lead to unintended results, such as a divorce.

Now let's tackle the love or lack of love that makes a marriage unhappy.

Here is the Webster definition of love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Here is a better definition that I like and if it exists in a marriage there is a greater chance for happiness instead of an unhappy marriage; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. That's the real meaning of love according to the Bible. I don't think you can have an unhappy marriage with this kind of love.

Does it mean that if you love your spouse with this kind of love you will never have issues to overcome in your marriage? Of course not! However, do you think you have a better shot of having a happy or unhappy marriage?

So the key to being happy or working towards fixing an unhappy marriage is less selfishness and more love. Sounds pretty simple but is very difficult to do. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks right? WRONG!

Every person is capable of change. It's called making a commitment to doing so and following through. If you want to stop smoking you can. If you want to stop drinking too much alcohol you can. If you want to stop gaining weight you can. If you want to be happier in your marriage you can. The only difference is sometimes it takes both spouses to be willing to change for the sake of making an unhappy marriage better.

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Here are 8 basic things or tips you can work on to move from the unhappy marriage stage to the happy stage of marriage. If you and your spouse can work toward the same goal, that would be best. If not, you make a commitment to make things better and your spouse will come around eventually.

1. Fighting fair - Don't bring up things from the past that were supposed to be forgiven and forgotten. It's like pouring salt on an open wound. Don't say hurtful things about your spouse that you know will cause a lot of pain, and add to unhappiness in the marriage.

2. Stop sweating the small stuff - Make it a point to stop getting aggravated, frustrated and disappointed over little things that really aren't that important. Overlook the little things that you normally complain about that gets under your skin. You know what they are.

3. Enjoy being around your spouse - Don't disappear when your spouse comes home or when they enter the room your in. Stop acting like you enjoy life more when they are out of the house, out of town or at least not in the same room as you. Let your spouse know that you enjoy it when you are together.

4. Don't talk negative about your spouse to others - It's very easy to share what's wrong with your spouse that's driving you crazy. Stop doing that immediately. No spouse likes to be talked about in that way. It's not okay to make jokes about your spouse around family or friends that betrays a trust. If you don't have anything positive to say don't say anything.

5. Talk to your spouse - It's not okay to go hours or days playing the silent I'm not talking to you game. There is nothing gained by shutting down and not talking to your spouse. It's difficult at times but the only time you should not be talking is if for some reason you are really upset and need a little time to cool off. Otherwise, keep the lines of communication open. I know not talking times gives you peace of mind. But don't settle for a temporary time of peace when you could work on fixing your unhappy marriage problem.

6. Act like a married couple - Don't take separate cars to the same place unless it's really necessary. That's what you did before you got married. No separate vacations, or bedrooms. You need to be committed to being a couple and not married singles.

7. Don't take advice from the wrong people - There will be many family, friends and enemies who will offer you free advice. Be careful who you talk to and more importantly who you listen to. It's very difficult for a spouse to be happy in a marriage knowing that you have blabbed your marriage problems to the world. You also don't want to follow advice from someone who has been married 3 times. It's better to limit the circle of people you discuss your marriage with and you also don't always need to share all the details. The wrong people can't tell you how to fix your unhappy marriage problem

8. Support your spouse - Make sure you are there for your spouse even though you don't want to be. If there is a family function with your in-laws don't stay home. Be there for your spouse. The same thing goes for work or even playful functions like a sporting event. It's important for your spouse to know that you care enough to be with them even though they know you don't want to be around certain people. It shows that they mean more to you than your feelings about other people.

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If you are a man looking for some ways to make your wife happy, below are some tips for you.

1. Be yourself
This might seem like a very obvious tip to you but there are many men who feel that they are not good enough for their beautiful women. However, what they have probably failed to realize is that being confident is the sexiest and most attractive attribute to a woman. A man who portrays a confident outlook will way outshine another who is simply good-looking. No wonder there are so many ugly men out there who have the prettiest wives in the world!

2. Find chances to do little things
You do not have to carry out a major gesture in order to win your woman over. Little things such as offering to take her car for servicing or buying her a packet of her favourite chocolate cookies occasionally will leave deep impression on her and make her feel your love.

This is because you are showing her that she is always on your mind, so you will take the trouble to do the little things for her. It is these little things that will help to maintain a long-lasting relationship because you show her that you appreciate her greatly.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

3. Be committed to your lover
It is not uncommon for men to look at other pretty and sexy women but refrain from doing so when you are with your wife. You do not want her to get the wrong impression that you are comparing her with the other women, so stop ogling when you are out with her. Being married does not mean that you do not have to spare a thought for her emotions anymore. Showing that you have eyes only for her will make her happy and it will go a long way in maintaining your marriage!

4. Have a sense of humor
Life is not a bed of roses. With a positive mindset and the ability to laugh at each other, both of you will be better prepared to face the challenges ahead of you. If you are able to make her laugh, it will lighten the atmosphere by a great degree, especially at the end of a long and tiring working day. Don't forget, she still has to take care of the family even though she has also finished a day's work at the office. This can be very tiring and stressful, so making her laugh will lighten the mood.

5. Explore common interests
Remember the good old courtship days when both of you had common interests that kept you both occupied? You can still do the same now, even though you are married. Give her a surprise and accompany her when she next goes for her weekly exercise at the local gym. It will make her very happy as it shows that you care for her and want to spend time with her.

The above are just some tips which you could apply to your daily to make your wife happy. In order to maintain a long-lasting marriage, it takes effort and commitment. Take the first step yourself and you will see that she will soon reciprocate because she is happy with what you have done and that will be a great step towards a better relationship.

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Are you looking for tips to help you save marriage because you were alarmed by the high number of divorce cases taking place each year? Marriage is a stage of life that most men and women go through but it is also one of the most difficult stage.

No, I am not talking about getting married. That is the easy part but it is maintaining a happy and successful marriage that is hard for a lot of couples. So what do you need to ensure that your marriage last "till death do us part"? Below are 5 key ingredients that can be found in most successful marriages and if you apply them in your relationship, you too can have a lasting and blissful marriage.

1. Commitment to make the marriage work
Commitment is the key ingredient but sad to say, many people tend to run away when they hear this word because it is a great responsibility to stay committed. Both of you have to share the same goals and values, thus regardless of how nagging your spouse is or how much debts you have incurred, you are both responsible for it and you should both share the burden.

2. Find time to communicate
This might not be anything new but it is definitely a vital step when you are trying to save marriage. When a couple fails to communicate, they have failed to make their relationship grow. By communication, it is not only important that you share the day's events with each other but you should also let your partner know of your inner thoughts and emotions. It might not be easy at first, especially if both of you are not used to doing it but over time, you will both enjoy and treasure this moment.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

3. Cater to each other's needs
Catering to each other's physical and emotional needs is also very important because when you take care of your spouse, you are showing him or her that you truly care. However, it should come from the heart and not viewed to be a chore.

4. Maintain a balance
Marriage is not the end to your pleasure, work and leisure. You should set common goals so that both of you can dream together and work hand-in-hand towards achieving your goals. Learn to respect each other's opinion and advice and make your decisions together. Once you get married, you should throw individualism out of the window!

5. Sense of humor
The final tip to help you save marriage is to have a sense of humor so that you can both go through thick and thin together. Life is not going to be smooth sailing all the way so when you have a good sense of humor and a positive mindset, you can laugh over any setbacks with your spouse and move on together.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

If your marriage is currently facing a crisis, you must now be in urgent need for the best tip to save marriage. No doubts, there are numerous ways in which you can save a relationship but if you are short of time, probably because you still love your spouse and do not want to see your marriage ending in a break up, the best tip for you now is communication.

Yes, this may seem to be a very simple tip but these days, couples tend to be very busy with their work, so much so that they forget to allocate time to communicate with each other. It is common for couples to work long hours and return home very late at night. As such, they might not get to see each other except on weekends.

This gets worse if there are kids in the picture because parents will be very busy tending to the needs of the children. Sometimes, they may not even have time to sit down for dinner together. By the time the children are asleep, the parents will be so tired that they too turn in for bed. As such, they have missed the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk at the end of each long day.

Sometimes, it is when the kids are already in their teens or even young adults that the couples realize that they have started to drift apart. They have worked hard their whole life, providing for the family but have forgotten to enjoy family life and couple life together till many years later.

However, all is not lost if you are at such a stage as it is still not late for you to start communicating with each other. If you are just beginning to feel the drift, get started with talking to each other every day. Communication is the best tip to save a marriage. It is only through a heart-to-heart talk that you can get to find out what your partner is thinking about.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

When you are making your attempts to communicate with your spouse, do not despair if he or she refuses to reciprocate at the beginning. If you still love your spouse and you do not want your marriage to end up in a divorce, you have to work at saving your relationship. You can start by making an appointment with your spouse to talk things over. You will have to take the first step even if you are not sure if your spouse will be willing to talk.

Learn to listen to what your partner has to say without interrupting or defending yourself. Interruptions and defensiveness will only put your spouse off and your attempts at communicating will be fruitless. Put your pride aside and allow time for each other to talk. You will be surprised by how much more you get to learn about each other after that.

If you need help to taking that first step in communicating with your other half, there are many books and even counselling agencies which can help you with it. These books and experts will be able to teach you how to bring forth your suggestions, how to show that you are interested and how to manage your anger so that you do not get defensive or angry when your spouse is talking.

You cannot expect your marriage to be all loving and romantic like before from now onwards but that is a good start. Continue to listen and talk to each other because there is no better tip to save a marriage than spending time alone with each other and finding out more about your spouse. Remember, it takes two hands to clap, so both of you have to work hard to save marriage if you do not want to lose your other half.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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