From brushing it off as one of those things to occasional suspicion to cold hard fact the journey to finding out your husband has been cheating has been a painful one. It's no surprise that in the early stages you were in complete denial about what was going on.

And why not? The two of you have been married for quite some time so it's understandable from your perspective that the feelings of honesty and trust were solid. After all you are sharing your life with a person who vowed to love and cherish you and from all indicators that is exactly what they did.

But the signs that something was wrong just became to obvious to ignore and now their unfaithfulness is out in the open. For that matter so are your feelings which at this juncture are probably running the gamut of emotions that range anywhere from rage to helplessness.

Through all this you still love this person. You don't want the marriage to end and your husband affirms the same thing. That's a good start to repairing the relationship but the problem is you are not sure that you can ever trust them again. Him breaking the marriage contract is bad enough. What makes it even worse is that he lied to you over and over again.

When you casually asked him where he had been or where he was going your husband looked you right in the eye and lied. Sometimes you didn't have to say a word to realize he was not telling the truth. The way your husband snuck off to make a call or looked startled when he was on the computer and you walked in the room unexpectedly were subtle indicators that something was amiss.

One of the ways to get through this devastating time starts directly with your husband. If he is sincere in saying that he really loves you and wants to make a concerted effort to save your marriage then he must prove it in words and actions. That means admitting the lies. All of them. Hiding a few in the shadows is only going to cause more pain later on when they are revealed.

The other is to make a promise to you that they are being upfront and will never do it again. Now it's only natural that you are leery of what they are saying since your husband has been lying all this time. However this is a potent method of getting them to fully commit to rebuilding the marital relationship. It's a way of saying if you are serious prove it. The choice becomes crystal clear. It's either the marriage or the affair but the days of having both are over and done with.

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