How to Tell if Your Husband’s Online Emotional Affair is Over

Online affairs have become one of the most common forms of emotional affairs, and they have caused many couples to break up. The signs of an online affair can be difficult to detect, but there are subtle clues that something is not OK. Chances are, you’ve noticed that your husband suddenly spends hours online, or that he has begun hiding his passwords or email and social media accounts from you. He may log on to the internet after you’ve gone to sleep, or suddenly close windows when you walk into a room. He may even develop a compulsive need to use the computer when other things need to be done. If you believe that your husband is having an online affair, you will need to take steps to begin healing yourself and your marriage.

Signs That Your Husband’s Online Friendship Has Become an Online Affair

The first thing you will need to do is find out whether your husband was really having an online affair. While there is no single way to decide if emotional infidelity has taken place, the way you feel about a situation is a good indication. "An emotional affair happens when you put the bulk of your emotions into the hands of somebody outside of your marriage," says psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman who is also the author of the book Emotional Infidelity. Remember, your perception of the emotional relationship between your husband and someone else is what matters. Here are a few ways you can tell that your husband’s online relationship has had an impact on your marriage:1) You believe that your husband’s affair has become more than just online flirting. Whether you have proof that the affair has become physical or you have indications that your husband has been meeting the other woman in person, when the affair moves to the real world, it is infidelity. 2) Your husband’s demeanor and attitude change, he may be defensive about his activities or become overly secretive. You may see the opposite result as well- he may act remorseful to an extreme degree that indicates he is feeling guilty as well. 3) You become obsessed with trying to find evidence of the affair. This can range from snooping through online accounts, breaking into email or social media accounts, or installing “spy” software on the family computer to try and catch him in the act. 4) You feel that your husband’s online activities have taken the place of emotional intimacy between the two of you. He no longer confides in you or talks about his day, and he seems to constantly be distracted and doesn’t emotionally connect to you. These are some of the major signs that your husband is having an emotional affair that could permanently damage your marriage. When you realize that this is happening, you may find yourself becoming angry, hurt, or wanting to confront him about what is going on. The only way to repair the damage caused by emotional adultery is to begin healing your relationship. You and your husband must decide together that he needs to end the affair so that you can move on together.

How to Tell if The Affair is Really Over

Many women wonder whether their husband has really ended the affair, or if he has simply become more determined to hide it. Often, wives will give their husbands an ultimatum- essentially saying that it is either me or her. This can lead husbands to become more secretive and more skilled at hiding the affair. To truly end the affair, you must determine what is missing in your marriage to lead him into emotional cheating in the first place. In many cases, emotional affairs happen because the busy lives that we lead make us feel emotionally separated from our spouses, especially after a couple has been together for several years. Steven Stosny, Ph.D., one of the authors of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It says that "Emotional affairs are happening more often because so many of us feel emotionally isolated." If this has happened in your relationship, it can be difficult to rebuild the trust you need to go on. Many women fear that their husbands will return to the emotional affair the instant their marriage isn’t living up to their expectations. So how can you tell whether the affair is really over, or if your husband is still involved too deeply with someone else? Here are a few things to look for:1) Your husband begins looking for ways to connect to you again. Whether it is physical or emotional intimacy, be sure to acknowledge his efforts and let him know you appreciate the effort. 2) Your husband is remorseful about the affair, and can admit that he was becoming too deeply involved with another woman. Don’t badger him or force him to say it over and over, simply take his apology and move on. 3) Your husband is willing to allow you back into his life. He tells you about his day, he invites you to join him for work, and he introduces you to his friends. These are the signs of an emotionally healthy relationship. 4) Your husband no longer obsesses over privacy and doesn’t go out of his way to hide things. You don’t need to demand that he let you review his text messages each day or read his emails, but you should see that he is comfortable leaving pages up when you walk by and doesn’t need to hide his cell phone.

The Next Steps

When your husband has given up his emotional affair, it is time for the two of you to move forward by building a stronger marriage. Your relationship will suffer, but you can use the experience to better understand each other and move forward together. Recovering from emotional infidelity is as difficult as healing after physical cheating, but if you are committed to your marriage, you can do it. Let today be the day you decide that your love is stronger than any emotional affair and make tomorrow the start of a stronger marriage.