If you return to the dating scene after you’ve been with a destructive man and think you don’t need to plan, then I guarantee that you will end up picking your default dude, or should I say, your default dud. If you are not being intentional in picking your new mate, that is exactly what you will get, a dud, and quite possibly, another destructive one.

Women who have been with destructive men often rush into new relationships before they have had time to process what happened, and before they understand what to do differently. Some assume the last guy was just a bad pick-or that he changed, but the one thing that hasn’t changed, and won’t ever change, are your traits, and it is your traits that will get you trapped again unless you are aware of how they function, and work them to your advantage.

You would never say, “I want a relationship to drain me financially,” or, “I’m really looking for a relationship that is emotionally destructive,” but unless you develop trait awareness, these are the signals you give off, and they are the same as they were before. They will set you up again for the same situation, so you must plan accordingly; intend to reject suspicious men by learning how to spot them first.

You will always be drawn to and attract destructive men because you will communicate in the same way, unless you become aware of your traits. Once you do, you will be able separate how you respond to certain men based on how they approach you and how they communicate with you. You don’t need to change, you need to learn to test the men based on who you are.

Some women will never date again because they fear they can’t spot the dangerous, destructive, or abusive guys. These women actually have an advantage; they are the most aware and know that they missed something. These are the women most likely to crack the code, never having to worry about being in a dangerous relationship again.

Destructive men search for women who aren’t on the look out for certain things-they look for women who fall for fantasy instead of reality; they look for women who date without awareness, agendas, and ones who act on spontaneity, and speed. The women who misread big, obvious signals and clues are always easy prey, as are women who provide “Silver Platter Disclosure” or who fall for “The Hollywood Hello,” which I discuss in detail in my book, TARGET, and the supporting tele-seminars.

Destructive men use strategies to test us; when they find a woman who passes the tests, they know she has certain traits, and they move in quickly. One test is to see if you misinterpret mirroring for connection. Women who do, get trapped every time; these guys figure out what you are looking for and how you look for it. They appear to be what you want, while you miss the signals that tell you he is learning your relationship and emotional triggers with every word you speak. You must recognize the strategies and tests, and date with caution from now on, because you may fall for this by default, because of how you are traited.

Becoming aware of how to date according to your traits is the answer. It is also FUN and liberating, not draining, tedious, or scolding. Your traits are NEVER going to change, and that’s the good news. Women who have been in toxic, abusive relationships, are usually the women with the most desirable traits; you are the partner jackpot. Your traits are not the problem, you are not the problem, allowing the wrong person access to you because of your traits, that is the problem, and you can learn how to avoid these men very quickly, by exposing yourself to the right information.

Author's Bio: 

Teagin Maddox is a Certified Life and Relationship Coach empowering women to improve their lives after draining and destructive relationships. She reminds women to focus on their strengths and potential, and to see the opportunity in their relational adversities. She gets women to tap into their dormant power, creating remarkable transformations, and unshakable awareness. Her effect comes from what she makes women feel, not from what she reveals to them.

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