I Don't Want Our Marriage To End But I Don't Know How To Save It: How To Make Your Marriage Happy Again

If you are trying to figure out how to save your marriage by yourself, you might be in a relationship that's on the rocks with a partner who doesn't seem to care. Worse yet, you may already be facing a divorce. A few years ago, I was facing a divorce that I didn't want without a clue as to how to save my marriage. After doing everything wrong and nearly screwing up any chance I had to save my marriage, I made some really important discoveries that changed everything. I want to share with you what has turned out to be the best solution ever discovered to avoid a divorce.

First of all, let me assure you that you are not alone in trying to save your marriage by yourself. And if you are like most people, you are frustrated and sad that your partner doesn't seem to value the marriage enough to partner to save it. If your spouse is talking about divorce at this point it becomes even more critical that you take action very soon. The problem is, what kind of action? How do you go about saving your marriage by yourself?

There are 5 critical secrets that you must first know before you can begin saving your marriage:

- Know what the common critical mistakes are that most people make and how to avoid them.

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- Understand that emotions such as panic, anger, jealousy and depression over your troubled marriage must be replaced by a more positive and resourceful state of mind.

- Playing the blame game with your spouse will make the problems much worse. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into this!

- The more you push your spouse in an effort to save your marriage, the more he or she will pull away. It is human nature. Strangely enough, if you will simply love them enough to let them go, the results can be amazing.

- This problem will not go away on its own and the sooner you take action, the greater will be your chance to save your marriage. This might be the most important thing to remember!

The fact is that when trying to save your marriage by yourself, there are very specific ways that you need to behave that will have the effect of changing the dynamics in your relationship. It works even if your spouse isn't interested in saving the marriage! I know because it has happened in my own life and today my marriage is better than it ever was even before our problems started!

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I know at least 50 percent of the married couples today are banging their heads against the wall trying to figure out to save your marriage. Does that mean that the other 50 percent of couples are living in marital bliss? Probably not quite 50 percent!

So what in the world do you need to do to stop banging your head against the wall and figure out how to save your marriage and overcome the common obstacles that derail a lot of marriages?

Well if you are having marital difficulties, and keep in mind most couples have a few problems, then it's obvious that some things need to change. Now, the most difficult aspect of any relationship is going through change. Change can kill a marriage if it's not handled with tender loving care.

I can tell you that I hated change even though I knew it was for the best. I always thought that if it wasn't broke don't try to fix it. The problem with this line of thinking was that it was broke but I didn't see it. The second problem with my thinking was I was not open to the possibility of improving my marriage. I was ignoring my spouses' perspectives and needs in our relationship.

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If you can make a few changes as mentioned below you might be able to save your marriage from some of the struggles and pain that other couples have experienced.

1. Under no circumstances should you yell or scream at your spouse during a lively discussion where you disagree on an issue. There is nothing gained but a lot lost when you get into a screaming match. You will no doubt say things you later regret. Sometimes it's difficult to control your emotions but it could save your marriage or break your marriage.

2. Don't use a confrontation with your spouse as an excuse to do things that you know are hurtful to your partner and marriage. It's very easy to slip back into bad habits and blame your spouse for pushing you there. It could be lack of communication, hanging out with people your spouse doesn't like, going on a spending spree or withholding intimacy. None of these negative actions will help save your marriage.

3. Don't ever allow others to get between you and your spouse. It's very easy to accept feedback and support from others regarding your marriage issues, especially when they take your side. Even if you are right and your spouse is 100 percent wrong, your spouse may agree with you but have a difficult time forgiving you for involving others. If you bring others in the middle of your marriage it won't help save your marriage and could end up hurting it.

I realize that it's difficult to change the way you interact with your spouse because your love and passion leads you to want to fight. I would just encourage you to make a few difficult but necessary changes in how you deal with issues that come up, to help save your marriage.

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There are at least four keys to a marriage that does not end in divorce. The first is communication in prayer with God and with one another. An engaged couple needs to talk about their goals and ambitions in life. Discuss how these goals can best be achieved. Talk about children. In today's society it is hard to find a common time to pray together but that does not keep the couple from praying for one another.

The second key to a successful marriage is commitment. Couples should make a conscious decision that marriage is like a sacred and permanent lock that keeps them together. Divorce should not be the solution to any problems that occur. Couples should write their own marriage vows so that they will realize the commitment that they are making.

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The third key to a marriage that lasts is love. Couples should realize that each individual expresses his/her love in many different ways. Couples who want a successful marriage should treat each other with enough respect to accept how he/she displays emotions. Say, "I Love you", and mean it. Gently touch her hand; call him at work and leave a message, "I'm thinking of you". Tuck a photo of yourself in a suitcase or leave a note of love on the pillow.

The fourth key of a successful marriage is the Bible. Let God be the center of the marital relationship like in the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. Even though marriages in the Bible are different for those in the United States, there are guidelines that engaged couples can follow. Record personal history in a family Bible and pass it on to the next generation so it will be a record of your genealogy.

A marriage that does not end in divorce is based upon keys of communication, commitment, love and the Bible. A successful marriage is one that is permanently locked until the death of one of the spouses.

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People marry when they fall in love and want to be together forever. The fairy tales - which they have been told as children - still remained strongly in their minds even though they are not applicable in reality. Here are my tips on how to save a marriage the right way?

Firstly, you should show that you should show concern for your spouse even he or she is in a bad mood. Unless your spouse does not allow, you should always hug and kiss before leaving for work and after coming back from work.

Secondly, you need to develop a sense of humour and being able to make your spouse or anyone laugh. Since most of our time is spent on work or studies, we need to cheer each other up. If you are not a natural in this, go and read some books or do online research for jokes.

Thirdly, you need to ask yourself these questions and what you should do below.

1. What Will You Do When Facing The Brink Of Divorce?

If you listen to your spouse just because he or she insists, it is as good as giving up your marriage and giving in to his or her demands

But then again, it is entirely your choice. If your spouse no longer cares about you like what he or she used to in dating, it makes no sense in keeping this loveless marriage.

If you have children, that will be worse as you and your spouse need to fight for their custody. All these require additional lawyer fees on top of your divorce proceedings.

In a nutshell, you can either do everything you can to win back your spouse's trust and keep your marriage or accept your spouse's demands - which can be unreasonable - and divorce for good. But to do this requires understanding your spouse's main concern before taking action.

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2. What Are Common Emotions Felt When There Is Marital Crisis?

Speaking of children, broken marriage and divorce has negative effects on them.

Not just when they are young but also when they grow up, start dating and getting married. According to a book I read about why couple divorce, one of the main reasons is fear and uncertainty.

Let's put it this way. If you and your girlfriend come from broken families or divorced marriages, chances are your marriage may end up in the same fate though I may proven wrong by some couples.

Still how you want your marriage to be like is in your hands. Though your spouse also play a part, you still need to take initiative to make it work the way you want. Because this will be the root foundation of your marriage and family.

The last thing you want is your children getting affected, mixing with the wrong company out of loneliness or facing the same situation when they marry.

3. How Do I Save My Marriage After My Husband Committed Infidelity?

Being a guy myself, I can understand most guys have desire and lust for beautiful, sexy and young women. Whether you agree with me or not as a woman, these characteristics are a natural part of our genes and will ever go away even if they are married or become old.

Henceforth, the word pervert is invented by women since they cannot really understand men.

Asking and confronting your husband is not the best solution even though it seems to be an ideal solution. Because statistics have shown that over 90 per cent of men will deny the truth.

Since that is not working, you may need to use other measures.

A First hire a private investigator to confirm and obtain the evidence as sufficient reasons should you decide to divorce.

B. Upon obtaining the evidence, you should inform your family as well as your in-laws. Most women use this as a first measure which is a huge mistake since they do not have proof and are being accused of making up stories.

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To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

4. What Are The Guidelines I Should Follow To Keep My Marriage?

If you and your spouse are both Christians, things will be a lot easier. You can consult with your cell group, church leaders and pastors for good advice. Finally, you and your spouse pray together either by yourselves or with your cell for God's divineness.

If not, things will be more complicated.

Though you both need marriage counselling, you can only benefit if you tell the marriage counsellor what he needs to know rather than what you want him to know. If you and your spouse are not being honest or do not reveal what you think is an ugly secret, even the best counsellor cannot help you.

Like I said many times in my previous articles, marriage is not just about expressing love for each other verbally but by action. One of which is accepting your spouse the way she is and admitting your faults which is never easy with most men since they have a big ego and do not be treated like kids.

Most of the time, the marriage breaks down due to couple not accepting and blaming each other. If this problem is not dissolved since they decide to keep it as their dirty secret, it can potentially destroy their marriage and children lives.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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