One of the reasons that someone can look for answers and reach out for support is because they are unable to move forward. What this could mean is that they don’t feel worthy and deserving of having what they desire.

There is then going to be where they are and where they want to be, but where they want to be will be out of their reach. At this point, how they see themselves is going to be seen as who they are.

Looking Back

If they were to look back over the years, they could see that they have often missed out on both what they need and want. This can then be seen as evidence that they are unworthy and undeserving of having more.

Based on this, if they were actually worthy and deserving, their life would have been and would be different. There is also the chance that they have been treated badly by others over the years, which will validate how they feel.

Other Challenges

Along with this, they could also feel unworthy and undeserving of having an intimate relationship. Part of them may also feel uncomfortable with too much closeness and feel uncomfortable taking this step.

They may also question if they are capable of taking the next step, with them often feeling helpless and incapable. What is clear is that they will have a number of blocks to deal with.

One Approach

After looking for answers and reaching out for support, assuming that they have, they could be told that they need to ‘let go of their story’. Therefore, what is going on for them won’t be set in stone – it won’t be the truth.

By changing their story, then, they will be able to create a life that is radically different to the one they lead. This can be a time when they will be told that they need to change their faulty thinking and negative beliefs.

One Area

In other words, the way for them to change their life will be for them to change what is going on up top, so to speak. By changing what is taking place in their mind, along with their behaviour, they will gradually be able to change their story.

To see that who they think they are is not who they truly are and to step into who they actually are. As the weeks and months go by, providing they continue to take the steps, they will form a new story; a story that is fulfilling.

Another Outcome

Then again, after taking these steps, they may find that they are unable to make much progress. In general, it could be as though they are trying to go against something that doesn’t want to be changed.

If so, this is going to be a time when they will experience a fair amount of frustration and anger, and they could feel even more helpless than they usually do. But, if they believe that this approach is the right one, they could end up laying into themselves.

Another Angle

However, the reason this approach is not working might not have anything to do with them; it could simply show that they need to try a different one. Instead of purely trying to change their ‘faulty thinking’ and ‘negative beliefs’, they may also have pain to work through.

This pain is likely to be playing a big part in what is keeping their ‘story’ alive and until this is worked through, it is likely to be more or less impossible for them to truly let it go. This is then going to be a time when their feminine element is important, not just their masculine element.

An Analogy

One way to look at this would be to say that there are many different parts of their own being that are trapped in a room and these parts want their attention. Until these parts are heard, they will continue to release ‘negative’ feelings and hold them back.

Due to this, it is not a surprise that purely focusing on and trying to change what is going on up top will lead to a lot of frustration, resistance and even false hope. By surrendering to these parts and allowing them to speak, they will begin to integrate with the rest of them and there will be no need for them to cry out for their attention.

Going Deeper

Upon hearing this, they could wonder why there are parts of their own being that are in so much pain. What this may show is that their formative years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were deprived of the nutrients that they needed to be able to grow and develop.

Throughout this time, they may have been neglected and as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. This would have stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety, security, worth and love.

One option

As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to change their caregiver’s behaviour or find another family. The only thing that they could do was to repress how they felt and disconnect from themselves.

This would have caused them to have many split off parts inside them and these parts will have been holding them back. Ultimately, these parts are not trying to destroy their life; they simply want to be acknowledged.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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