When you are in a relationship one of the worse crimes your Partner can commit is to cheat on you, it is quite heartbreaking no matter the reason.

Before you experience it firsthand your go-to reaction would probably be to deal with said partner and give them the boot. All this probably plays out in your head while a very triumphant song plays in the background while you walk out on them in slow motion.

Even when you have friends that get cheated on, you are likely to give them pieces of advice based on that scenario, because your thoughts might be; how hard can it be to walk out on someone who cheated on you?

While all this seems well thought out and quite easy to deal with, you have to realize reality and imagination are not the same things. The fact that your spouse cheated on you and you stayed does not always mean you have a low self-esteem, there might be so many factors behind someone staying back after being cheated on.

Facing the fact that your spouse cheated can be heartbreaking. Feels like someone ripped out your heart and left you to bleed out. You would definitely think about walking out on them but you also think about the good times you shared, memories and real connection. Either way, you stay with them or you walk away.

Do not get confused here; most people stay with a cheating partner because they do have low self-esteem, while some stay for so many other reasons. The next question on your mind now is, am I staying because I have a low self-esteem?

Probably or probably not. Here are some reasons that explain why staying back might not be due to low self-esteem issues;

1. It is unlike them

Although you might meet your friends for advice after your spouse cheats on you, but their opinions are probably not the best thing to do because they are very likely to say dump him/her. But the truth is that you know them better than they do, so you would know if it is in their habit to cheat or it is just unlike them.

If you feel it is unlike them, then it makes sense to stay in the relationship and get over what’s going on while giving them a second chance.

2. When there are kids involved

Before you read any further, this is not a reason to get locked up in an unloving and toxic relationship. There are occasions where it seems reasonable to stay with a partner who cheated on you just to give the child or children a good example to follow or give them stability. That does not mean staying with a serial cheater, who obviously is not remorseful for what they did. Else, you just might lack confidence after all.

3. It has never happened before

When you have been with your someone for quite some time and this is the first time they cheat on you, it makes sense to give them a second chance and stay. Although, you can also walk away if you cannot handle it. But staying does not mean you have low self-esteem.

4. Everybody is shocked

If you tell your friends and family that your spouse cheated on you and they do not seem shocked and they most definitely think leaving him would be a whole lot better than staying then you should check yourself if you finally decide to stay. You might have low self-worth.

But when you and your partner’s friends and family are shocked that they cheated on you, then staying with them is probably a good choice, not just out of low self-worth.

5. They agree to get help

If your partner agrees to get help after cheating on you, that means they are deeply sorry for what they did and would do anything to make it up to you, especially if it is a guy, because most guys would rather not go for counseling. In this case, it is sort of reasonable to stay and forgive them.

6. They actually deserve another chance

The honest truth is that you know when your lover or spouse deserves another chance, maybe because they are such a great mom or dad, they are actually good people or maybe they just made a mistake that they regret. In this case, giving them another chance does not mean you have a low self-esteem but you are being reasonable.

Not everybody can just decide to forgive someone that betrayed their trust no matter how right it feels in their guts and if you are one of those people, it doesn’t mean you are unforgiving or wicked, it just means you are strong enough to handle which is ok. So, it is reasonable to still stay with your partner if you feel like they deserve another chance.

While these are great reasons for you to stay with your former wayward spouse after they cheated on you, it does not excuse people who actually stay with them due to low self-esteem. Just to be clear, here are some ways you can know you are staying with a cheating partner because you have low self-esteem;

(a) They lie till they are caught red handed

Really? Do you need any more proof that this has low self-esteem written all over it? The fact that you confronted your cheating lover or spouse and they kept lying till you caught them is enough to make you walk out on them in anger.

Who has the patience to wait till they catch their partner red-handed? It is either you do not have a life or you do not have self-worth. And the truth is staying with them would even make it worse. Staying with a partner that made you wait till you catch them red-handed, is just a classic sign of low self-esteem.

(b) They have a history of cheating

You ever heard the phrase; once a cheat, always a cheat? If yes, then why are you still staying? When you meet someone and you start dating, they say things like; my past does not define who I am now, but sometimes you need to know a little about the past.

For instance; if your partner always cheated in his past relationships, there is a likelihood he might cheat on you. If he doesn’t, then that's good, it means he has changed for good and if he doesn’t, you need to leave him, because that is a serial cheater.

The only explanation why you would be staying with a serial cheater is either because you don’t love yourself or you think you would not be able to get another partner, which is not true.

There is always someone meant for you that would treat you right. Even if you do not meet someone again that is fine because it is better to love yourself than let someone else make you feel unloved.

(c) Nobody is surprised they cheated on you

Of course, you should know by now that not everybody would love or like your partner, no matter how sweet or great they are. Which means when they cheat on you even when they deserve a second chance there is always that 1% vote that says end the relationship, but you can ignore that vote because majority wins most of the time.

But in a situation when it is just a 1% vote that says you should stay with them after they cheated on you, then just take a walk because staying means you have a very low self-worth.

For instance; when your spouse cheats on you and you tell friends and family but nobody seems surprised, it’s like they all saw it coming. Then you should take a walk from the relationship.

(d) They blame you for it

Asides from cheating, the second worst thing your lover can do is blame you for their cheating crimes. It does not only show they are not remorseful but that they are playing on your vulnerability.

The thing is since you love them so much, when they cheat there is already a part of you that blames yourself for that, so blaming you just takes them off the hook and makes you the bad person, which is horrible.

Never take the blame for an action they had the choice of saying no to, but said yes. The fact that they even blamed you for it and you decided to stay in the relationship shows you have no self-esteem. Because if you value yourself you would not let someone treat you that way at all. And you would know you definitely deserve better than that.


Most people even with these reasons might still be staying with a cheating lover because they lack confidence but when your partner cheats on you severally and with most likely little or no remorse, staying with them only means you have a very low self-esteem.

Author's Bio: 

C Mellie Smith knows first hand the pain of betrayal. At InfidelityHealing.com her mission is to help individuals cope with the negative effects of infidelity including having low self-esteem. If your self-esteem has taken a beating as a result of your partner's infidelity, then be sure to check out her 5-day overcome low self-esteem challenge today.