The truth is, overcoming infidelity isn’t really something that is going to happen overnight, but it can happen and has less to do with the affair than it has to do with you. You and your spouse need to each work on these things within yourselves before you can truly move on and create a happier, healthier marriage.

It's perfectly understandable if your spouse’s betrayal is really taking an emotional toll on you. So much negative energy takes center stage in our lives after an affair and it can be very difficult to overcome it.

However, the good news is there are ways to use your inner strength to help in the healing process so you can move on with or without your spouse. Of course, it sounds much easier than it is, but what's important is taking the healing process in stages and only move on to the next stage when you're absolutely ready.

Try these helpful strategies to reconnect with your inner self and identify the path that will lead you to full recovery and closure:

1. Learn Self-Acceptance – Did you know that your level of happiness actually has very little to do with your spouse, your kids, or your friends? It has more to do with how you feel when you’re all alone about you. Do you like yourself? Do you understand your own strengths and weaknesses and do you know how to deal with them?

2. Get Rid of Clutter – It might seem strange but clutter can really bring you down. Clutter in your home, and your mind all make a difference. If you have friends who you can’t depend on and who bring you down, let them go. If you have extra clothing you never wear, let it go. If you have anything in your life that is really just clutter, identify it, and then let it go.

3. Build Your Confidence – Work on building up your own confidence level by working on things you want to learn. For example, if you’ve ever wanted to learn how to speak in public, go to Toast Masters International and get the process started. If you want to lose weight, find a healthy way to do that. The more you can do to build up your own confidence the better.

4. Learn to Self-Affirm – Too many times we rely on outside sources to build us up, when we can do it ourselves. It may sound silly but any time you feel yourself thinking negatively about anything learn to turn those thoughts around to an affirmation.

5. Do Things That You Love – This is especially important if you stopped doing things you loved when you got married. It’s easy to get our priorities out of whack and give up things without even realizing it. Think about things you used to do before you got married. Identify things you may like again or find new things to do that you’ll love.

6. Cultivate Positivity – If there are negative people around you, it can be very difficult to remain positive. But if you want to truly build a great life after an affair you need to let go of negativity and cultivate a life of positivity. Instead of focusing on the affair, focus on the things you’re learning.

7. Let Go of Anxiety – One thing that often happens once an affair is out in the open is that both spouses get very anxious. If you find yourself having circular thoughts about anything, that is anxiety. You can interrupt those circular thoughts by doing an activity that is calming like adult coloring, meditation, Yoga, or Pilates.

8. Get Outside of Yourself – Sometimes focusing too much on yourself can actually cause you to be less happy in your life. If you find that you’re too focused inside, find a way to get outside. Volunteer for a cause that really matters to you. Commit to the cause and don’t give up. Soon enough you’ll see that there is so much more out in the world than your problems.

9. Get Help – Almost everyone can do with a little outside help in their life to get on track. You can find a life coach to help you move on after an affair and rebuild your life stronger than you may have ever thought possible. You never know until you give it a try.

10. Focus On Your Goals – Make some concrete and realistic goals with timelines and then focus fully on them. Learn about proper goal setting and how to take action to see your goals come to fruition.

Life after the affair is already here. You’re already living it, you may as well find out how you can move forward instead of continuing to wallow in the past. You have your entire life ahead of you, no reason to let one mistake ruin the rest of your life. Whether you and your spouse stay together or not, all of these things need to be done if you’re to ever move on from the affair.

Author's Bio: 

C Mellie Smith knows firsthand the pain of betrayal. At Infidelity Healing her mission is to help couples identify the path that will lead them to full recovery and closure after infidelity. Visit: to get started.