Marriage and Cultural Differences: How To Overcome Cultural Differences In Marriage

Different cultures bring with them their own richness and learning. Not only will you be getting married and that means a new situation for you but you might also be entering into a new family situation with new traditions, ways of living and expectations that need to be realised.

You may think you have an understanding of your fiancée's culture as you have been together for a while but most of your time will probably have been spent as a couple and not with their family and that is a different matter altogether. You may well have spent time popping in and out of their home but not necessarily had any deep meaningful discussions with them about their expectations, hopes and fears.

Every family has their own way of doing things and conducting themselves and this new learning about your partner's family may take a new attitude and mind-set that focuses on valuing and respecting the differences between you all. Getting married can bring cultural differences into sharp focus when it comes to agreeing on the marriage service and it is essential that this is managed with great sensitivity.

Don't forget, your partner's family also have to get used to you being culturally different to them as well. This cultural acceptance and adjustment is not just "one way traffic" and takes working on from both sides.

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- Keep an open mind when you are learning about your partner's family and their culture.

- Just because you do things differently to them doesn't mean that your way is the only way of doing things. Be sure to look for common ground and core values.

- In order to get along with each other, it is best, in the early stages of your relationship, to sit and discuss some of these issues so that everyone has an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. By doing this, nothing is left unsaid or becomes a 'surprise' nearer to the wedding day.

- Make a point of studying the culture you are entering into and talk through some of the sensitivities and expectations that come with it. Your willingness to understand and appreciate cultural differences will clearly demonstrate your love and respect for your partner.

- Do not make assumptions or let cultural stereotypes influence you before you have had time to fully appreciate what is important to your partner and his extended family.

- Enjoy the richness that diversity brings with it.

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Some marriage conflicts can be very alarming and need immediate attention, simply prompting you to say, save my marriage now. In these situations, you need advice that takes little time to follow. Your marriage can be saved if the level of misunderstanding or discord between the partners is not too big. The conflicts that are at their initial stage can be resolved by carrying out mutual discussions.

Some issues are of a more serious nature and call for a more dedicated and focused approach by both partners. These types of issues can bring the marriage to the verge of collapse. Whether the reason for the separation is simple or complex, you have to learn the methods to set everything right at the earliest time. You have to do self-improvement in some cases and also create a healthy atmosphere for a reunion.

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Changes that can be made don't have to be complicated. The key to these changes is to break the pattern of negative associations your spouse might have with you. Remember how certain smells give you certain feelings from your past. Your spouse has the same associations with you.

If you were to make some changes like a new hairstyle or perfume or start exercising or get a new job, you would be creating new associations for your spouse. Meaning, he won't have the same old feelings about you. Make sure the changes you make are ones you want to make. These changes you make should be sincere and not just a desperate attempt to get back together. If you don't really want to make these changes for yourself as well, you probably won't stick with them.

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"A fool learns from their own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others"

Based on this quote, I've been pretty foolish in my life. I've made countless mistakes and I'm not done yet... there's plenty more to come. Screwing up royally from time to time has its advantages, but only if we are learning from it and not repeating the same mistakes.

Often the greatest lessons are the ones that we learn from other people messing up, so that we never have to suffer the consequences of their mistakes. Sometimes just watching people make mistakes can be painful enough.

Over the past several years when clients talk with me about their relationship challenges and reveal their operating behaviors occasionally a booming voice in my brain says... "remember to never do this."

Sometimes people aren't really thinking about what they are doing to the point of absurdity. For example if you start calling your spouse your favorite f-ing c word and wonder why she resents you it's time to talk. If you start calling your man a f-ing worthless p of s and wonder why you don't seem to be able to communicate we also need to talk. This is actually occurring more frequently than I would have imagined.

Most couples argue from time to time and in the heat of the moment people can say and do things that are completely outside the borders of reasonability.

11 not so precious gems. Do them at the risk of your relationship:

1. Do not call your partner degrading, vial, derogatory names and expect them to just forget about it.

2. Making fun of your partner in front of their family and friends doesn't bring the love.

3. Do not have sex with your partner's best friend and act like it's not a big deal.

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4. Do not take your children with you to see this best friend that you are screwing while your partner is away.

5. Saying what's f... ing wrong with you 10 times in the course of an hour is not considered heartfelt understanding.

6. Constantly trying to fix your partner and tell them what to do all the time will not create trust and respect.

7. Imagining that I will fix them and tell them what to do for you is a serious hallucination.

8. While I value your opinion, just because you have been married 5 times so far does not mean that you know what to do.

9. Blaming your partner for everything that's not working in your life will not create a deeper sense of connection.

10. If your relationship is on the edge of divorce and your partner is totally committed to working on the relationship, while you are waiting for them to decide before you decide to do anything or commit, time to get a good divorce attorney.

11. Before your anniversary when your partner tells you they have a baby sitter for the night, saying "cancel the baby sitter we aren't going anywhere together" is unlikely to increase sexual activity.

Clearly emotions rage in relationships and common sense often gives way to non-sense. Far better to imagine that your significant other is really a precious gem and start treating them that way.

Your relationship future rests is in your hands more powerfully than you realize. You get to decide always how you respond. You get to decide always what you will do. You get to decide always yourwillingness to be playful, fun loving and creative.

Relationships are not always easy, but there is no reason to make them impossible. Stop doing the things that are destroying your relationship today. If you are doing any of these 11 things, your relationship is on the edge of change. It will not stay the same. It will either get better, or it will be over.

"Make one less mistake every day and pretty soon you own the world"

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What men want in a woman is someone who knows how to give privileges. This concept is important and goes hand in hand with the idea that men want to be controlled are looking for women who know how to be masters. There is something powerful at work when it comes to allowing men to do certain things. The woman who masters the act of giving privileges will find that her marriage will be stronger than ever before. Giving your man privileges should never be abused. It is a privilege in itself to give privileges so make sure you read through this article to learn more about the art of letting your man do things such that he respects and loves you more for it.

1. The Permission Theory

I was speaking to a business associate last night and he told me an interesting concept that I could apply to relationships. When you're talking to someone and you frame it so that you're letting them do business with you, instead of asking for their business, you've got more authority over them.

So in a relationship, if you're asking a man to do something for you, try to make it seem like you're giving him the privilege of doing it for you. To do this, try the Permission Theory. Simply put, something along the lines of, "If you want, you're allowed to..." before what you want. No pressure on his part, but he'll feel compelled to do it.

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2. Incorporating It Into Everyday Life

An important idea from this is that this sort of speech pattern can be incorporated into so many aspects of everyday behaviour that it can become normal. The man will come to expect you to ask him to do things in this way.

Furthermore, this will make him more likely to ask things from you or at least let you know in advance that he's doing something, showing that there is that fair exchange of value through mutual respect.

3. Taking It And Accepting It

Something to be aware of is that you might actually also get asked to do things in this manner too. I actually learned this technique from a mate of mine who was doing it to his wife.

Don't think you're above this technique. It's nothing sneaky. It's a way of asking your partner to do things with integrity. Remember, it takes as much strength to follow as it does to lead.

What men want in a woman is someone who respects them enough to give them privileges and to realize that their lucky to even have the man in their life. By employing the Permission Theory into everyday life, there will be a lot more love and respect to go around.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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