If a woman has been with at least two men who were heavily caught up in their mother’s world, she could be totally confused and well and truly fed up. In all likelihood, she is likely to want to be with a man who is available.

But, although she will want to be with a man who is like this, she will have been with a number of men who are the complete opposite. At this point, she could be losing hope and question if she will ever find a man who is able to have a real relationship.

Looking for Answers

By having been with a number of men who are like this, she might have spent a fair amount of time trying to understand why a man would behave in this way. She may have done this when she was with a man like this and after she had been with a man who is like this.

Most likely, she will have wanted answers and to find a way to change her circumstances. And while this may have brought clarity to what was happening and what has happened, it might not have done much else.

Well-Informed

If so, after putting in all this work, it won’t have allowed her to change what was going on or to have found a man who is different. What could cross her mind at this point is that she is simply unlucky.

For this area of her life to change, then, she will just need to wait until her luck changes. Merely thinking about this could cause her to feel hopeless and helpless.

One Conclusion

Now, this could be a woman who more or less ‘has it all together’. So, she could have a job that is not only a well paid but a job that is highly respected, she could own her own home and have a number of friends, for instance.

Moreover, she could be confident, kind, loving, secure, understanding and driven. On paper, she might very well appear to have it all and, thus, it is to be expected that she would feel deeply unlucky or even believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding her back.

External Support

If she has spoken to a few friends about what is going on, she may have been told that she deserves better and that she is unlucky. She may have also been told that there is nothing wrong with her and that she just happens to end up with the wrong men.

Hearing feedback like this is likely to be comforting and she will probably appreciate what they say. However, this feedback is unlikely to allow her to move forward in this area of her life.

A Closer Look

Now, although it will seem as though she is someone who has it together and she just happens to end up with men who don’t, what if there is far more to it than this? What if the men who she ends up with are reflecting back parts of herself that she is not aware of?

If this is the case, she will be radically different to the men she ends up with on one level, but, at a deeper level, she will have a lot in common with these men. Upon hearing this, she could say that this is not possible and that she is nothing like them.

Two Parts

If there is resistance, and even if there isn’t resistance, what she will need to keep in mind is that she has both a conscious and an unconscious mind. The former is only a small part of her consciousness, while the latter is a far bigger part of it.

What this means is that even though she can have it all together on one level, on another level it will be a very different story. Nonetheless, as her brain will typically keep what is held inside her unconscious mind out of her conscious awareness, there will be no reason for her to realise that the men who she ends up with are mirroring back parts of her that need to be faced, healed and integrated.

Feedback

The trouble is that as she is likely to live in a society that believes that people are simply observers of reality and as her mind and eyes will create the same impression, she won’t have been able to see what is going on. Naturally, what is going on ‘out there’ will be the problem.

Yet, by understanding that what is going on ‘out there’ is largely a reflection of what her brain is keeping out of her awareness, in addition to what is taking place in her conscious mind, she will be able to join the dots, so to speak. When it comes to what is being kept out of her conscious awareness that is having the biggest effect on this area of her life, it is likely to relate to the wounds that she experienced throughout her developmental years.

Back In Time

This is likely to have been a time when she was deprived of what she needed to grow and develop in the right way. In other words, she may have experienced different types of abuse and/or neglect.

The pain that she experienced during this time would have automatically been repressed by her brain and, as a result of this, her conscious mind would have forgotten all about these wounds and perhaps most of what happened. Along with this, there would have been the inner model that she created when it came to what a relationship is like and this stage would have defined her relationship with her needs and feelings.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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