At this point in time, a woman could wonder why the man that she is with has pulled away. She might not have been with him for very long or she may have been with him for quite some time.

Either way, she is going to have the desire to find out what is going on and perhaps to do what she can to make things go back to how they were before. However, although this is likely to be the case, it doesn’t mean that this will be possible.

Out of reach

For one thing, she might not be able to get hold of him; it could be as if he has left the planet. As a result of this, she won’t be able to find out about what is going on for him and to put her mind at ease.

Due to this, their relationship is not going to go back to how it was before, at least not right now. By not being able to find out directly from him about what is going on, she could end up looking for answers online.

All at Sea

Thanks to what is going on, not only can she be full of questions, but she can also experience a number of painful feelings and her mind could be all over the place. This can be a time when she will feel rejected and abandoned.

To try to keep this pain at bay, there could be moments when her mind will end up being consumed by what is going on. It will then be hard for her to concentrate on anything else and she might find it hard to sleep at night.

What’s going on?

If she was to end up looking online for answers, she could soon come to the conclusion that she is with a man who is a narcissist. This is because, from what she can tell, he will have ended up discarding her.

Thus, he will have received what he wanted and used her the whole time and now he will have moved on. By being aware of this, she will have him worked out and she might be happy to cut her ties.

It’s Black and White

Now, there is the chance that this is exactly what has taken place and there is nothing more to it. If it wasn’t for all the information about this disorder online, it might have been harder for her to work out what is going on.

Then again, there is the chance that this is not what has taken place and he doesn’t have this disorder. The trouble is that this disorder is so well-known and is thrown around so often in today’s world; it is bound to be used at the wrong times.

Far More To it

If she was to hear this, she could wonder how there could be another explanation to what is going on. Still, the reason that he has pulled away could be that he felt extremely smothered.

This will mean that he didn’t get to the point where had got what he wanted and has just moved on; like a vampire sucking enough blood from their victim and then dropping the body. No, it will be that he felt trapped and as though his life was under threat and needed to get away.

An Instinctual Response

Therefore, most likely this is something that automatically took place as opposed to something that he consciously chose to do. What this will also illustrate is how strong this experience was for him.

If he was aware of what was going on, assuming that he wasn’t, he would have been able to talk about what was going on for him. Pulling away from her would have been a way for him to settle down and to no longer feel as though his very survival was under threat.


He will then have lost his ability to think clearly, so his thinking brain would have gone offline and he would have been controlled by his emotional and instinctual brain. Now that he has pulled away, he may have started to settle down.

He could believe that the woman made him feel smothered and trapped and so keeping his distance will be the key for him to experience a sense of control. Nonetheless, there is a strong chance that she didn’t make him feel this way; instead, she is likely to have simply unlocked feelings that were already held deep inside him.

Going Deeper

When it comes to why he would have these powerful feelings inside him, it is likely to be due to what took place during his formative years. Practically from the moment, he was born, he may have often been left and when he was given attention, it might have been misattuned care.

Consequently, he would have missed out on the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way and he would have experienced a lot of pain. To handle the pain of being left and then smothered when he was given attention, he would have automatically repressed how he felt and gone into a shut down, collapsed state.

A natural outcome

As he was powerless and totally dependent, he wasn’t able to change what was going on or to find another mother. Along with this, he may have also continued to have his needs overlooked as the years went by and been forced to be there for his mother.

Many, many years will have passed since his developmental years but his brain and body will continue to carry most, if not all, of the pain that he experienced. For him to change, he will need to become aware of what is going on and to reach out for the right support.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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