Even if a man wants to develop a loving and harmonious relationship with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he has been able to make much progress. He could be in a position where he hasn’t been able to find a woman who is suitable.

Alternatively, he might have dated at least one woman but for whatever reason, it might not have been long before their time together came to an end. Then again, this might be something he has experienced more than once.


If he has been with a number of women but he hasn’t been able to get very far, he could be deeply frustrated. But, as what he has experienced will be radically different from what he wants to experience, this is to be expected.

What could cross his mind is that there is something inherently wrong with him or that he is missing something that other men have. And, if he has directed a lot of his time and energy into ‘developing himself’, this could be seen as a natural outcome.

Totally Irrational

It can then be as if he has done just about everything that he is supposed to do to be in a loving and harmonious relationship but it won’t have materialised. At this point, he could decide to take a break and focus on other areas of his life.

A part of him might hope that by doing this and letting go, he will be able to meet a woman who is right for him and who he can take things further with. If he was to step back from this area of his life, it might not be long until he does meet a woman who is right for him.

A Different Experience

Yet, before long, he could start to feel uncomfortable and have the need to pull away. If so, he could struggle to understand what is going on as he will be experiencing what he has wanted to experience for however long.

Part of him could come to the conclusion that this is a sign that the woman he is with is not right for him. As a result of this, he could end up cutting his ties with the woman and go back to searching for a woman that is right for him.

The Same Story

It might not be long until he ends up in the same position and once again, he could end up walking away. Assuming that this was to take place, he could end up taking a deeper look into what is going on.

After reflecting on what has happened, he could see that at least one of the women that he has been with was right for him. He will then see that while he says he wants one thing when he receives what he wants, he pushes it away.

A Closer Look

Now, as he felt uncomfortable and had the need to get away, it is likely to show that he doesn’t feel safe when get gets close to a woman. Therefore, when he starts to open up to a woman and his guard drops, he has the need to re-create the space that was there before.

Once this has taken place, he is able to settle down again and feel safe. Upon realising this, he could struggle to understand why he doesn’t feel safe when he opens up to a woman and develops a deeper emotional connection.

Going Deeper

Still, as strange as this may seem, it might soon begin to make sense if he thinks about what his early years were like. This may have been a time when his mother was typically anything but loving.

She might have often been emotionally unstable, physically abusive, verbally abusive and neglectful. As opposed to having a mother who he felt safe around and was able to attach to, he would have had a mother who felt unsafe around her and was unable to attach to.

A Tough Time

This would have deeply wounded him and caused him to develop a very negative view of women. The reason for this is that although it was his mother who harmed him and not every woman on the planet, how she treated him would have been generalised to all women.

This is due to the fact that his thinking brain was underdeveloped and his brainstem would have made the particular into the general in order to keep him alive. The pain that he experienced and a number of his developmental needs would have been repressed by his brain.

No Choice

As he was powerless and totally dependent, he was unable to change her or find a mother who could love him and thus, had to adapt to what was going on. Losing touch with what was going on for him and creating a disconnected false self is what allowed him to handle this stage of his life.

Of course, he will no longer be a child and his mother, if she is still alive, won’t be able to hurt him, but, he will carry the impact that his mother had on him. Facing and dealing with his inner wounds will take courage and patience and persistence.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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