Mother Wounds: Can A Man Hate Himself If He Had A Mother Who Hated Him?

What can be normal is for a man to experience ‘negative’ thoughts and to feel bad about himself. Thanks to this, he can spend a lot of time feeling low and depressed.

Also, he might seldom take action and do what he can to achieve his goals. Taking this into account, he is unlikely to live a life that is very fulfilling.

How Life is

But, if this is just what is normal, it might not occur to him that there is another way for him to experience life. He can then continue to live a miserable life and his life is likely to get worse over time.

However, there could come a point in time when he ends up feeling so low and defeated that he ends up looking for answers. Or, a friend or family member could become aware of what he is going through and offer their support.

The Next Step

If a friend were to offer their support, they could say that he deserves to have a fulfilling life and doesn’t deserve to suffer. After hearing this, part of him could agree with what they are saying but, another, bigger part of him might not.

They could also suggest that he reaches out for the right support as this will make it easier for him to change. If he were to heed their advice, he could end up working with a therapist.

A Deeper Look

If so, this can be a time when he will start to become aware of what is taking place in his inner world. He could come to see that he has a very critical inner voice and seldom feels good.

What could cross his mind is that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. After this, he could think about how it is not a surprise that he doesn’t have a life that is very fulfilling and has suffered for so long.

Moving Forward

He could be told that he needs to question what he thinks and replace his ‘negative’ and ‘irrational’ thoughts and feelings with ‘positive’ and ‘rational’ thoughts and feelings. By following this mental approach, his life might gradually change.

Then again, purely focusing on what is taking place in his conscious mind might not allow him to truly change. Instead, he could find that his life changes for a while and then goes back to how it was or he only gets so far.

One Outlook

In this case, it can show that another approach needs to be utilised. So, changing what is taking place in his conscious mind will be one part, another part will be to change what is taking place for him at a deeper level.

If he were to explore and connect to what is taking place for him at a deeper level, at the level of his unconscious mind, he can find that he feels worthless and unlovable. He can then wonder why he feels this way.

Looking Back

If he were to think about his early years and what his relationship was like with his mother, he could say that it was that bad and that his mother loved him. This might have been the case, or there might be far more to it.

There is a chance that this stage of his life wasn’t very pleasant and his mother was anything but nurturing, in general. Assuming that this is so, she might have typically been cruel, critical, rejecting, and emotionally out of reach.

A Brutal Time

Most likely, his mother was deeply wounded and unable to provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. But, as he was egocentric, not only would he have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded, he would have personalised what took place.

His mother would have acted as though she hated him and he was too underdeveloped to realise that how he was being treated had nothing to do with him. In all likelihood, she projected her own rejected parts onto him and was unable to see him clearly.

A Closer Look

His mother was probably mistreated during her formative years, which caused her to disconnect from herself and create an inflated and unfeeling false self. The parts of her that she had disowned, rejected parts of herself and pain, would then have been placed in her son.

It was then not that she was in a battle with her son; she was in a battle with the parts of herself that she had lost touch with. For him to move on from what happened and develop a felt sense of his own value and lovability, he is likely to have a lot of inner work to do.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.