When a man not only meets a woman who he is attracted to but starts dating her, he can believe that his view of her is accurate. However, as time passes, he can find that she is nothing like how he thought she was in the beginning.

Due to this, he can come to the conclusion that he was deceived by her, and this can cause him to be angry and resentful. After a while, he could end up breaking up with her and find another woman to be with.

Another Scenario

Then again, this might not be possible, as he might have had a child with her. As a result of this, he won’t just be able to cut his ties with her as she will always be a part of his life.

At the same time, he could still cut his ties with her but that would end up having a negative impact on their child. But, if he is not in a good way and is repelled by her, this might be the last thing on his mind.

A Pattern

Assuming that he doesn’t look for another woman to be with and he doesn’t have a child with her, he could take a step back and reflect on his life. If he were to do this, he could find that this is not the first time that he has been in this position.

He could see that before he was with this woman, he was with another woman who ended up being very different as time went by. It could go back further than this, though, as he might have been with more than three women who were like this.

One View

If so, he could believe that all women are out to deceive and take advantage of men. And, if he were to speak to his male friends about his experiences, they could agree with what he says.

These could be men who have had the same experiences that he has had. Consequently, he could believe that it is best for him to stay single and perhaps only have casual encounters with women.

Another Angle

However, although it can seem as though this is just what women are like, what if there is far more to it? What if he played a big part in why he was unable to see what these women were like and ended up being deceived?

Upon hearing this, he could say that this is not possible as in each case, he saw the woman as she was and then she simply changed. This can be seen as a perfectly normal response.

Two Levels

Still, what needs to be taken into account at this point is the part that projection plays when it comes to who he - and everyone else on the planet - is attracted it. Therefore, even though it would have seemed as though he saw each of these women clearly in the beginning, this is not so.

What was taking place within him would have played a part in how he saw the woman very early on – and as time passed. This is why it has been said that human beings don’t see with their eyes; they see with their brain.

For Example

Now, when it comes to projection, this relates to him seeing a woman as who he wants her to be in order to meet certain needs. This is very similar to how if he were to buy a car, he can believe that this car will allow him to not only get to where he needs to go but to also be more desirable, seen as more successful, and receive a greater level of respect.

By projecting onto the car, it will be more than just a car and something that will allow him to meet numerous needs. There will be what he is consciously seeing in the car and there will be what he is unconsciously seeing in the car.

Two Parts

In the same way, there will have been what he was consciously projecting into the woman and what he was unconsciously projecting into her. At a conscious level, this may have related to him seeing her as a woman who would value and love him.

And, at an unconscious level, this may have related to him seeing her as a woman who would provide him with unconditional love, would always be there for him and would make him the centre of her world, for instance. As he expected so much, he wouldn’t have been able to see her clearly and what she could provide; he would have been too caught up in who he wanted her to be and what he wanted her to provide.

What is going on?

It could seem strange as to why he would have expected so much from her and not be able to see the signs that she was not very loving and kind, for instance. To understand why he wouldn’t have had a very strong connection with reality, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what his early years were likely to have been like.

This may have been a stage of his life when his mother was largely emotionally unavailable and out of his reach. He would then have missed out on the attunement and love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The Outcome

Instead of being able to develop a felt sense of worth and lovability, he would have been deprived and deeply wounded. His developmental needs that were not met, along with the pain he was in, wouldn’t have disappeared; they would have ended up being repressed.

Many, many years will have passed, but, at a deeper level, he won’t realise that this stage of his life is over. He will unconsciously be trying to receive the love that he missed out on all those years ago.

Replaying The Past

This is why he won’t be able to see a woman clearly as he will be emotionally underdeveloped and will need so much. When it became clear that these needs wouldn’t be met and he began to see what the woman was like, he would have started to come into contact with how he felt as a boy when he was deprived of his mother’s love.

In other words, this will have caused him to project the mother that he had onto the woman as opposed to the mother that he needed. A big part of what will allow him to no longer look for what he messed out on will be for him to face and work through the pain that he experienced all those years ago.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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