My Husband Doesn't Communicate With Me: My Husband Won't Talk To Me About Our Relationship

My Husband Doesn't Communicate With Me: My Husband Won't Talk To Me About Our Relationship

Communication is the key to success in any relationship. This is especially true concerning marriage, for it opens up an avenue for sharing ideas and opinions as well as learning things about each other.

The opposite of good communication is arguments, and this is BAD for your marriage. This is because during arguments many other things happen such as blaming each other, pointing out past mistakes and faults, bad mouthing and sometimes even hitting.

In this article I will present to you 3 things to remember when engaged in a conversation which has the potential to become an argument. Keep them in mind so you can have a great marriage

1. Keep a Calm Mind. Having a calm mind is very important. You can then think properly and restrain yourself from doing unnecessary, stupid, and even harmful things. When the conversation turns to worse, you can return the situation into a more peaceful one. Also, being seen by your partner as calm as you are, he or she will eventually realize that being angry or raising voice is not necessary.

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2. Be Respectful. Always keep in mind that the one you are talking to is your wife or your husband and more importantly a human being. Give the respect that he or she is due. Avoid bad mouthing your spouse and most especially avoid hitting for it will not only hurt your spouse physically but also emotionally. Respect the ideas and opinions being given. Wait for the right moment to give criticisms about the shared thoughts and do it in way that will not degrade or shame your spouse.

3. Do not point out past mistakes. When talking to your spouse, one thing that you need to remember is to not to bring into the conversation any past mistakes. This will cause your partner to be angry or bring yourselves blaming each other. Prevent these from happening to prevent your conversation into turning worse. If you avoid bringing the past into the present you can keep your conversation in its proper course.

Pointing out each other's mistakes can also be a bane in your marriage even outside a normal conversation.

Remember and bear these three things in mind; keep your calm, be respectful, and do not point out past faults: three things that will keep your conversation from turning into a full blown argument or fight. Although arguments can be unavoidable in a marriage, you can keep it to the minimum to prevent a broken marriage from happening.

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Many times when we're faced with something as life changing as a potential divorce, it can lead to a number of destructive behaviors that you don't even realize you're doing at the time. And, most of the time it's too late when we actually see what it's been doing to our marriage. When you think about destructive behavior, don't fall under the false impression that this is only of a physical nature, but more so of an emotional nature. Is your marriage at risk of being another casualty of these kinds of destructive behaviors?

1. Fear - It's perfectly natural to be afraid of losing one of the most if not the most important relationship in your life right now. What's not OK, is how this fear can control you. It may increase your chance of hasty decision making that isn't well thought out.

2. Panicked - You may feel as if you're running out of time or that you're not doing enough. This can lead you to doing many things that you'll later regret. In fact, it may lead to you doing many outlandish things. Many bad decisions in marriage are made in this state of mind. You're not thinking very clearly in this state and your overwhelming desire to do something will over ride your logic in this stage.

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3. Jealousy - You may suspect something is going on as the real reason as to why your marriage may be ending. But, do you know for sure? It doesn't pay off to just assume and then fall prey to the feelings this brings about without knowing for certain. Even so, if you let this feeling take you over it will lead to both extreme emotional damage to your spouse and potentially physical damage as well. This one alone can drive the final nail in any marriage seemingly on the rocks.

4. "Big headed-ness" or Egotistical - Maybe you think that your the cat's meow or you have to be the big shot. That you won't succumb to anything your spouse demands. You may even feel like you have something to prove by not giving in. This type of "my way or the highway" thinking will not help you in the slightest. In fact, it has been the demise of many marriages that could have been saved if the spouse would have just compromised a little bit instead of thinking they were always right.

I realize that this may be just a short list and there are many more, but they are some the most common. The point is, pay careful attention to how you're acting right now. Don't just give it a quick once over, but really sit there and think about it for a minute. Retrace your steps, arguments and how you were behaving at the time. Was it really the right thing to do? Could you have said or done something different that might have changed everything?

This will help you to recognize some of these destructive behaviors as they arise and can aid you in eliminating them completely from the equation by understanding how they negatively impact your efforts to save your marriage. It really does wonders when trying to save your marriage to know what can make your situation worse and how to avoid it. You can then focus on the main problem in your marriage, while not creating anymore.

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If you want to learn methods on what to do to solve marriage problems, there might be two cases. The first case is that you are a proactive spouse - while there is no danger to your marriage, you still want to solve the problems that appear here and there and make your marriage a better one. If that's the case, I congratulate you for being a proactive spouse.

But unfortunately; most people want to find out how to solve marriage problems only after they realize that their marriage is in serious trouble and they are facing a divorce. If that is the case, before anything I want to tell you that have been where you are right now and I know all the pains of it. Unfortunately, such a depressed situation is enough for most people to drive them wild with desperation. You feel the urgency to "do something before everything ends forever!". But when you're desperate, it's not easy to find what to do. So you turn to the only thing you can think of: Begging your spouse for forgiveness - and this makes everything even worse.

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So I think I have made it clear that if you want to save your marriage from a divorce; you have to clear your mind of desperation. When you're desperate, you're allowing your emotions to overtake your mind and they are guiding you to do all the wrong things. I have lived this personally - when I was finally taught to stay calm, I made progress in saved my marriage.

I know that this is easier said than done, but it is exactly how I stopped my divorce and saved my marriage from what looked like a totally desperate situation. Like you, I needed help doing this. I found help from an outside source - and now I am your "outside source", and want to show you what I exactly did to save my marriage and how I did it.

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I sometimes hear from people who had almost given up on their marriage due to the fact that their separation has gone on for such a long period of time. Sometimes months, or even years, go by while they are not living under the same roof. And, as upsetting as this situation can be, you can almost get used to it after a little while. As much as you'd like to save your marriage, you begin to think that this is never going to happen because living alone and being separated have just kind of become your reality.

But when all of a sudden your spouse announces that he might wish to come back or return home, this can not only be shocking, but also leave you with some hesitation or reservations. After all, you've finally gotten used to living on your own. Yes, you struggled at first and not a day has gone by when you hadn't hoped that things might be different. But eventually, you picked yourself up and you did the best you could. So when all of a sudden your husband wants to change this situation, you might have extremely conflicting feelings.

I might hear a comment like: "my husband and I have been separated for just over a year. At first, it was horrible. I begged him to come home on an almost a daily basis. He always resisted. He always said that he needed more time. In the beginning, I kept up hope as much as I could. I thought that if I was just patient and gave him the time that he was asking for, then eventually he might come around. But weeks started to pass. In the beginning, we kept in touch pretty regularly. But after a couple of months went by, he wasn't in contact quite as much. It wasn't unusual for weeks to go by and for me not to hear from him. At that point, I still hadn't given up hope. I was still trying to keep a stiff upper lip and believe that we were meant to be together and that he would come to this realization eventually. After a little while, it had been six months since my husband first moved out. All of my friends told me that I was crazy to still hold out hope in the way that I was. I knew that this was probably true, but I wasn't ready to give up. So I decided to reach out to my husband, and when I did, things got a little better. We started seeing one another more. But then things cooled off again. So we kind of got into that type of cycle where we're be a little on and then a little off. Then a couple of months ago, he told me that he was taking a trip out of the country to try to gain a new perspective on his life. I knew that I couldn't really tell him that he couldn't go. And when he was away, I didn't hear from him at all for the whole time. And it was during this time when I sort of decided that I was going to begin to move on and live my life. This was a struggle for me, but I did it. Well, last week out of the blue, my husband returned and called me. He said that he decided that he wanted to come back home. I was flabbergasted. I wasn't expecting that at all. Part of me is so happy because this is what I was wanting all along. But the other part of me wonders why he suddenly changed his mind and how our marriage is going to stand a chance when we have lived apart for so long. Frankly, nothing has really changed - except for my husband's attitude. Does our marriage really have any chance of making it?"

This was a tough situation. Of course the wife didn't want to turn her husband away in this scenario. She had been hoping and dreaming for months that he was going to want to come home. But, because this hadn't been her reality, she had begun to think that giving up would be preferable to being hurt month after month. With that said, it made sense that she was doubtful and had concerns. This couple hadn't lived under the same roof for over a year. And now, all of a sudden, the husband has an abrupt change of heart that means that everything is going to be fine and seamless? Frankly, this didn't seem all that likely.

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But I don't think that this meant that she should give up. I believe that there are some things that you can do to increase your chances for success. I will discuss them now.

Think About Doing This Gradually: I think that him just showing up at your door one day, bags in hand, is probably not the best plan. You have to suspect that there is going to be an adjustment period and some awkwardness. Since you are both so used to living alone, it probably would be quite easy for him to move out again when things get rough. So, you want to do everything that you can to avoid this pitfalls.

That's why I'd highly recommend doing this gradually. The wife herself admitted that they hadn't seen one another or spent any meaningful time together for quite some time now. So, it makes sense to implement a plan where that they would perhaps see each other daily for a while and then perhaps have him stay a couple of nights on the weekend for a while. That way, there is not nearly as much pressure on the situation and you are free to tweak issues as they come up. Plus, there isn't likely to be too much togetherness and, if there is, you can go your separate ways and come back together after a break.

Make Some Progress On Your Issues Before You Attempt To Live Together Again: This couple hadn't done much to identify the reoccurring problems in their relationship. So, you had to suspect that once they were living together again, those same problems would crop up. It's important to try to work through the most problematic issues so that you aren't dealing with more than just learning to live together once again.

With all of this said, I don't want to take the celebration out of this process. Having a spouse who is willing to return home after a year away is a reason to celebrate, especially since this is what you've wanted for so long. Now, it's just time to do a little work to ensure that he stays home.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.