My Husband Filed For Divorce Suddenly: Saving Marriage After Divorce Papers Filed

My Husband Filed For Divorce Suddenly: Saving Marriage After Divorce Papers Filed

Some married couples choose not try and fix a bad marriage and put up with a poor situation for numerous reasons. Good marriages are tough enough to keep going because in all marriages there are highs and lows, good days and bad nights.

But some couples are not even aware that they have any marriage problems. If you're experiencing a bad marriage, you should be the first one to know, right? Not necessarily.

So how do fix your marriage if it is starting to show the strain?

Husbands or wives who have experienced a bad marriages via their parents usually assume this is normal behavior and that there is nothing that needs to be fixed. They witnessed their parents in a loveless marriage who have stayed together for the sake of the children. But this generally does not do the child any favours.

They become adults with a false impression of how a family should function. Then, when they experience a comparable difficult marriage they do nothing but roll with the punches, sometimes literally.

What Are The Signs That You Need To Fix Your Marriage?

Signs that you need to fix your marriage include no communication, no intimacy and no affection. There could also be physical and verbal abuse. If the wife or husband makes excuses to stay away from home, something is wrong. Without talking to each other there can be no hope for sorting the situation. You must seek solutions together, accept what's wrong and discuss change.

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Don't let yourself to fall into a state of denial. You may look at marriage as an almost holy reverence and fear seeking help for fear of failure. Don't ignore the issue and endure your marriage for the sake of the children or because you're worried of hurting friends or members of the extended family. Don't become a martyr to protect the feelings of others. Admit your situation and seek help.

Don't Be Afraid To Seek Help To Fix Your Marriage

People hold on to the hope they can save the marriage themselves and wait more than six years to eventually give in and find counselling. More than half the couples who seek a third party's advice manage to save the marriage.

The sad news is that very few couples actually seek therapy or guidance. You may be aware of what the problems are but you're are reluctant to acknowledge them to yourself. A counsellor can draw out the truth and provide solutions.

Be Positive, But Realistic.

We often believe that, like in the movies, everything eventually works out and love conquers all. Whilst it is good to maintain a positive frame of mind when you want to fix your marriage, there are situations when you need somebody to point out the strong and weak points of your relationship. They can help you separate infatuation from true love.

If you marriage is going bad, it is important to your health to try and fix your problems. Studies has shown that a bad marriage can result in poor health and stress, for you and your whole family. The constant anxiety and unhappiness raises the threat of depression, eating problems and heart health. Additionally, it reduces the body's level of resistance to illness and disease.

Don't be embarrassed by your situation and remain quiet and submissive. A bad marriage can be repaired with love, respect and a commitment to resolve the problems.

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Divorce. What are the thoughts that come to your mind when you hear the word? Do you look back with bitterness and regret at a marriage of yours that ended in divorce? Maybe you think of your parents and how their divorce impacted you? Or perhaps you think of how grateful you are that they managed to stick together. Perhaps you feel a sense of determination to not let it happen to you.

When I think of divorce my mind immediately goes to my own parents. They went through several separations when I was young, but when the news came that they were divorcing I was devastated. How is a boy in his young teenage years supposed to handle such knowledge? Especially when both parents claimed to be Bible believing Christians? I knew that the Bible does not advocate divorce. In fact, God goes so far as to say that He hates it in Malachi 2:16.

And so my mother had to raise 6 kids by herself. My dad made sure he always paid his child support. He also spent time with us every week or two. But for the most part my mom had to do an awful lot by herself. The lack of a strong father figure deeply impac

In fact, it's only recently, at the age of 30, that I began the process of reconciliation with my dad. That's a long time to hold a grudge.

So how do you actually build a divorce proof marriage in a society where about half of the marriages, both inside and outside the church, end in divorce?

The Key to Building A Divorce Proof Marriage

Do you want to know the secret to a long lasting marriage that defies the worldly culture we live in? OK, here it is:

Commit to making it last.

Yep, that's the big secret. If you want to have a successful marriage that lasts a lifetime the most important thing you can do is make a formal commitment with your spouse that divorce is not an option. And don't assume that your spouse agrees with you on this if you haven't specifically discussed it. In fact, if you need to, go and do that now. I'll wait until you come back.

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Done? Great, let's move on.

My wife and I actually made this commitment before we ever got married. In fact, we took it further. We agreed to not even use the "D word" unless it was in reference to a situation outside our marriage. Why? Because I've seen this word used as a weapon of psychological warfare in other marriages. It is a horrible way of trying to control the other person in a marriage.

Having an argument with your spouse? It's just too easy to say something like: "Well if you feel that way then maybe we should get a divorce!"

A word of advice: Don't do it. Ever.

Words have an incredible amount of power. They cause more destruction than a nuclear warhead. Using divorce as a threat against your spouse is not acceptable. If you've ever done this you need to repent and ask God and your spouse for forgiveness if you haven't already done so. I'm serious.

Tips for Building a Thriving Marriage That Does More Than Survive

No one wants to be stuck in a hopeless, lifeless, joyless marriage for life. That certainly isn't God's design for you and your spouse. He wants to see you in a strong, Godly marriage that reflects His love for us. Successful marriages don't just happen, they take a little effort and TLC. Here are some tips for cultivating a deeply satisfying marriage that truly thrives:

- Develop A Habit of Spending Time to Pursue God Together. One of the best ways to build a strong marriage is to spend time seeking God as a couple. Worshiping, praying, and studying the Bible as a couple can go a long way to creating deeper levels of emotional intimacy in your relationship. Make it a habit to do these things often.

- Embrace God's Purpose For Your Marriage. God has a mission for you and your spouse to fulfill. It is the same mission that He has given the Church corporately and every single Christian individually. God's design is for your marriage to be used to impact others with the gospel of Christ through evangelism and discipleship. You can never have a truly fulfilling marriage if you don't embrace this principle.

- Live A Lifestyle of Humility and Repentance. God loves the humble heart. Learn to live humbly by serving the needs of your spouse and others. And repentance is the key to healing, it frees us from spiritual bondage.

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I once read a story of two horses that were in a competition of who can carry the heaviest load. The judges decided to experiment on the grand prize winner and the runner up to see the difference between the weight of their individual loads and the weight of the loads they can pull together. The result was that the combined strengths of both horses were able to pull a load that was double the total of their individual loads put together. If the sum total of their individual loads was 1+1=2, their combined forces resulted to 1+1=4.

This holds true for the oneness of the husband and wife.

Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

The devil knows this too well which is why one of the most powerful weapons of the devil is to divide and conquer. He will do his best to divide the two and make them fight with each other so he can attack them individually and as a team. He will cause them to sin so they will also be separated from God. This is exactly what he did to Adam and Eve and what he continues to do with husbands and wives.

Have you tried going to bed without making up with your spouse? Have you tried carrying that hurt with you for hours, or maybe even for days? Didn't you feel that big weight on your chest? Didn't you toss in bed to and fro? Didn't you feel so out of peace? Didn't you also feel separated from God, like you couldn't even pray? This is exactly what I'm talking about.

We are one with our spouses. When we fight with them and not resolve the problem, we get divided. This is our weakest and most vulnerable moment, and where the enemy will attack hard. I don't know what divided Adam and Eve when Eve entertained the serpent. The enemy surely got her, and then her husband, and they both sinned and were separated from God.

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Since arguments and fights are inevitable in any marriage, how do we handle this without being divided with our spouse?

Proverbs 17:14 answers this question. The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.

It clearly states here to stop contention or argument before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out. In my previous article on Dealing with Arguments in Marriage, I said these very words...

Another thing I've learned is to detect the argument when it is starting. This is when I start praying in my mind for God's grace and strength. This is when I bridle my tongue and control my flesh who wants to defend herself or to answer back.

Honestly, it's pointless defending yourself or explaining your side in the midst of an argument. The best thing to do is let the argument subside and when things have settled down, then that's the time to talk.

Psalm 34:14 says, Seek peace and pursue it.

Avoiding an argument from escalating is a way of putting this Scripture into action.

Again, we have to stop argument before quarreling breaks out. We have to detect it, which as I've said is what I am learning. I remember an incident when my husband corrected me over something I felt I didn't have to be corrected for. I asked him for more details of what I specifically did wrong but he couldn't tell it. So I got so upset and felt that he was being so critical of me. I felt my flesh rebelling again and I found myself being so defensive. The Holy Spirit was quick to remind me that I was getting in my flesh and that I had to shut up. We were driving to the vet then and praise God that I had a good excuse to leave the argument when we finally got to the parking lot. I got out of the car with our dog and just left my husband alone. Of course I was still upset. I wanted to just be in the vet forever so I didn't have to deal with him and whatever his mood was. I knew it was going to be an argument if I continue talking. When I got back in the car, he brought up the topic again. I wanted to tell him: "Shut up", but I held my tongue (thank you Yeshua for your grace). I told him I will examine myself and will be more careful next time. That's when he calmed down.

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So was I able to stop contention before it became worse? Yes, but sad to say, I allowed the devil to attack my thoughts. I listened to his lies, festered on my hurts, felt so divided with my husband, and carried it with me in bed. I was awake until 3am. When I woke up the next day I researched on Biblical reasons why we can't go to sleep, one of which was because of some unresolved issues. I also sought God for a Word and the Scripture He gave me is the one I am sharing here from Proverbs 17:14...

The beginning of strife is as when water first trickles (from a crack in a dam); therefore stop contention before it becomes worse and quarreling breaks out.

I stopped contention right there but I allowed it to continue in my heart. Once we stop it, we have to leave it to the Lord and not even think about it. If there are issues that need to be resolved, we have to bring it before God and let Him deal with it. Resolving issues just right after stopping a contention will never work as it may trigger some emotions again that may lead to an even worse argument. In my experience, when I leave things to God, He is the One who talks to my husband. I don't even have to do anything.

Our marriage was given to us by God as a gift. It is our role to guard it the way He commanded Adam to tend the garden. We are its stewards. Guarding it means being cautious of the enemy who roars like a roaring lion, seeking to divide us and then conquer us.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.