My Husband Hates Me Because I Cheated: I Cheated On My Husband And He Won't Forgive Me

There is a perception that people who cheat want to brush their affair under the rug and pretend as if it never happened. People assume that spouses who are unfaithful don't truly appreciate the damage that they have caused.

This is true in some cases, but there are plenty of people who have been unfaithful who can think of little else besides the trouble that they have caused. Some truly come to hate themselves and believe that they no longer deserve their spouse.

Someone might say: "I honestly loathe cheaters. I have had men cheat on me for my whole entire life and I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would cheat on my husband. I was traveling for business and my coworker and I went to a bar with a client. The client was drinking heavily and I guess my coworker and I felt to compelled to do the same so that we wouldn't offend our client. We both had too much to drink and ended up sleeping together. I was so upset by this I left the trip early and came right home and told my husband everything. Needless to say, my husband is horrified and furious at me. But he can't be any more angry at me than I am at myself. I have been staying at my mother's and I have not bothered my husband because I assumed that he did not want to have anything to do with me, which would be understandable. Last night, my husband called and asked me when I was coming home to talk about things. I was shocked and I told him I assumed that he would not want to work things out. He said at this point, he wasn't sure how things were going to turn out, but he felt that it was bad enough that I cheated, but it's even worst to lose his marriage so quickly without the chance to see what is going to happen. He said that he is open to seeing if we can fix things. I want that, but I honestly can't in good faith go back there and act like I even deserve my husband because I do not. I did something so horrible that I honestly think that what I deserve is to be alone. I believe my husband deserves to find someone who is going to be faithful - and someone better than me. I don't deserve him."

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The Decision Of Your Husband's Path Should Be His: I understand why you are angry at yourself, but I think that the decision about what your husband wants to do next should really be up to him. You may not think that you deserve him, but isn't that for him to decide? He's not making you any promises and he's not trying to dictate the future. He's just saying that he is open to seeing what happens if you're willing to come home to talk. If you are both willing, a lot of hard work will follow. So it is not as if he is not going to ask anything of you or won't have expectations.

I don't think that this is a lot to ask and you are not going to know what will happen until you are willing to face him and see where your conversations take you.

Becoming The Person Who Is Deserving: Concerning your belief that you don't deserve him, here's my take (and this is only one person's opinion.) You might feel like you deserved him a bit more if you would face up to what you did and work very hard to become the wife that he deserves. You may not feel like you are that person today. But with work, you could be.

Yes, you made a mistake. But I don't know many people who go through their entire marriage without making one. Your mistake was a big one, which means that you're making this right is going to require a big effort. But if your husband is willing to give you that chance, do you really want to hurt him twice by not taking it?

I think that you would less deserving of him if you walk away without standing up to what you did and trying to make it right. It may or may not work, but at least you would have tried.

Give Yourself Credit For The Good As Well As The Bad: The fact that you are more concerned about your husband's well being than your own tells me A LOT about the type of person you are. And it tells me that you truly love your husband and are deeply sorry for what you have done. Your husband likely sees this also, which may be why he is willing to talk. You may assume that someone else would be better for him, but you have no way of knowing who he would end up with if you are not willing to work things out with him. You have no way to know if the new person will care about him as much as you do.

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In medicine there is something called the "Silent Killer." That term refers to cancer, which comes kind of "out of nowhere" and if not discovered and treated, can kill the host - that is, the person who is the carrier.

There's also a "silent killer" in marriage. While it's true that the "big issues" are the most blatant and best-known cause of separation and divorce - affairs, financial issues, parenting differences and others - the real root cause of fundamental unhappiness in marriage, and the thing that ultimately leads to dissolution of marriage, is boredom.

Is Boredom in Marriage Inevitable?

So do marriages always end in boredom or lack of excitement over time? My guess is that you talked to 100 married people and got them to be honest, they would all say it does, and that settling into some kind of "half-conscious stupor" or a kind of state parallel to being "roommates" is about all you can really expect in long-term marriage.

Interestingly, many people won't even describe this in too negative a light. All many people are seeking in a marriage after all is comfort, security and - to be frank - to keep from having to go through the hassle of dating and dealing with the constant challenges that go along with it.

A lot of people describe themselves as "reasonably happy" in marriage whose lives together are very humdrum, repetitious and unchanging. They could be "reasonably happy" either because they just like the regularity and predictability of their marriage, or it could be that they simply don't expect much more.

What if You Want More Than A Humdrum Marriage?

Since you're reading this article, you are clearly interested in how to make your marriage a little more exciting. You're probably already bored out of your mind by what's going on at home, and trying to put on a good face and tell your partner things are "OK."

By the standards above, they probably are. As I said before, most people don't expect much out of marriage. But you do.

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Stay Away From "Women's Magazine" Tips and Tricks

So let me get on to some answers and tips. These will not resemble what you've normally seen, such as "have a candlelight dinner," "make time to be together," "think of some risqué thing to do in bed." My experience as a marriage counselor with over 30 years of experience tells me absolutely that these little "tricks" simply do not "work as advertised."

Don't try to trick your partner into being more interesting, or use some tips out of a woman's magazine to "make him go crazy in bed" or any other such claptrap. It's all nonsense, smells badly of tricks and games and will not have any kind of long term value or effect.

Want To Have an Exciting Marriage the Rest Of Your Life Together?

Instead of short-term tricks, let's talk about how you can permanently create a marriage of deep interest, connection, discovery and meaning.

First you yourself must work on becoming more interesting, more exciting and more engaging. How? Find some interests of passion to you, and go deeply into them. If it's art, sports, music, outdoor activities, cooking, anything; it doesn't really matter what it is, as long as you're deeply passionate about it.

Then pursue it with much more interest and energy than you ever have before. Now that might sound kind of weird to you. You were supposed to be reading about making your marriage more exciting, weren't you? So why am I telling you as an individual to make yourself more exciting and interesting?

That's the key, you see. The more interesting, engaging, dynamic and intriguing you make yourself by becoming more interested in some passion of yours, the more your partner has a chance of wanting to "meet you on your own turf."

That is to say, as you become deeper and more interesting as a person, your partner will be influenced to do the same. This makes it much more possible for you to both be of interest as individuals and more attractive and interesting to each other.

If that sounds strange, think about how exciting it was when you first met. You didn't know each other, and everything about you each as individuals was of interest to the other person. You're just re-creating something like that original experience.

There are many more things you can do that will help, but all are based on this principle.

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Of all of the dozens of reasons that most marriages fail what do you think is number one? Many of you are probably thinking cheating and/or physical abuse. Some may think the number one reason is financial difficulties. Others may chalk it up to inexperience. These are certainly valid reasons why most marriages fail. But what underlying thing do all of these areas have in common? The answer is poor communication.

If more couples could enhance their communication skills with each other then they would be able to work on their relationship problems in a much more conducive way. This would ultimately result in improved problem solving skills and a happier, healthier relationship.

When a couple ceases to communicate or never really developed good communication with each other then the small issues that arise on a day to day basis will likely go unresolved. Over time these will snowball and become larger issues causing greater stress and strain in the relationship. They can develop to the point where the issues seem too large to resolve and the marriage falls apart.

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Proper communication also allows growth between two people in a relationship. It is through communication that we can express our dreams, hopes, concerns, fears and desires. we can communicate these things to our partners which can develop a stronger bond between a couple. Without this opportunity to share with each other then the marriage will likely grow stale and boring.

Another important aspect of communication is that it helps us resolve arguments and our differences. If we cannot effectively communicate then our partners will never know our point of view and vice versa. This will lead to a lack of understanding which will drive a wedge between two people.

So of all the many reasons why most marriages fail the crux of most problems comes down to poor communication. If you are having communication troubles with your spouse the fastest and simplest way to overcome them is simply start talking. It doesn't have to be a problem. Talk about anything and see where it leads.

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Doing the wrong thing will most often destroy any chance you have to do the right thing. Did you know that is more important to know what not to do than it is, to know what to do or even what to say? These ten things not to do to get your husband back are going to help you get to the part where you can do the right things that will bring your husband back home to you. Following just one example listed below will increase your chances for being successful what ever your approach might be.

1. Do not speak with any guilt whether it is with your husband or someone else.

2. Do not give any disapproving looks for any reason

3. Do not be needy or forlorn for any reason

4. Do not make sexual comments of any kind

5. Do not make any sexual advances at your husband

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6. Do not call, text, or e-mail your husband in excess

7. Do not harass or embarrass your husband

8. Do not spend time with other men (to make him jealous)

9. Do not "just show up" or "just pop in on" your husband

10. Do not beg! Ever!!

These ten things not to do to get your husband back are more important than doing and saying the right things. Follow this list and you will put your husband at ease around you, his walls will come down and then if you know what to do and what to say this will be your opportunity. You have a uniquely intimate relationship with your husband and he will be open to you if you can put him at ease.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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