My Husband Never Buys Me Gifts: My Husband Never Buys Me Anything

There is a lot of relationship advice for women out there on the Internet. Unfortunately, it doesn't address a lot of the problems, wants or needs of real women. Now, I'm no woman, but I'm married to one whose problems I hear about every day. It's my job to listen and help her solve them, as her husband. One of her common problems is something she doesn't talk to me about, yet I know it really bugs her and that's trying to get me to buy her more expensive gifts. Being the psychologist that I am, I know what she's doing to get me to do it. Here's the step-by-step process she's using to make me get her the Salvatore Ferragamo flats instead of the Joanne Mercer flats.

1. But first, some psychology...

This is something you're not going to believe at first, but us guys actually love to buy women expensive things. Actually, scratch that. Us guys love to buy expensive things in general, but if we're buying it for someone else, we want it even more.

By asking us to buy something expensive, it challenges us and calls out to our instinct to be a better provider. That makes us guys work smarter and to figure out ways to get our hands on them, just to prove our worth to women. Can you see why we might gladly buy you things we can't afford now?

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2. Dropping Hints

My wife is clever. She won't openly tell me that she wants something, but instead what she'll do is ask me a question that involves getting me to picture her using or wearing the thing that she wants. What this does is drop some subtle hints that get me to look at what she wants, without directly looking at it.

For example, the other day, she was looking at some pictures of some shoes that she wanted. She found some models wearing the shoes and walking down the cat walk. She told me not to look at the woman, not the shoes. She then explains what the model is wearing, so that I'm at least aware of it.

3. The Challenge

What she does is then issue what I call a "soft challenge". She simply tells me, "these shoes are gorgeous, but I'd never be able to wear them in a million years." By doing this, she communicates to me that she wants the shoes and is in a way challenging my ability to provide for her.

By doing this, I don't get angry at her for being unreasonable. She's basically set up a perfect opportunity to surprise her with these beautiful shoes.

I can't help myself, as a man. If I feel challenged, I will rise to it to prove something. She got her shoes and I felt more validated as a man. Hopefully you put this relationship advice for women to use. You probably have some ideas already, don't you?

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Have you ever thought over the question of how to make your man feel good? 'Why should I?' you may ask. It is to make your marriage life harmonious and enjoyable. 'That is fine. Then shouldn't my man make me feel good too?' you may counter. Yes, he should. That's why I am writing an article for him also! But in this article, I am going to focus on how you can make your man feel good. Some of the ideas discussed here can be adopted by your husband to make you feel good. The chances are once you start using these ideas, he may start using similar ideas on you, without even being conscious about it. That is the beauty of harmony in relationship. Once you create harmony, your man automatically fits himself in the groove and starts doing things that will make you feel good too!

Give compliments: How often do you compliment your husband? When was the last time you complimented him? If you don't remember, probably you are not in the habit of complimenting your husband. Many people will come out with an instant reply that they don't find anything to compliment their husbands about. This thinking is the crux of the problem. Everyday, you have opportunities to compliment your husband for several things. Making an appreciative remark on several small things like his new dress, his clean shave or even the shine on his shoes can create wonders. If complimenting your husband on such apparently trivial things can create such a great impact, you can imagine what the power of a compliment on more important things can be. Make a beginning today and make it a habit. You will experience a dramatic improvement in the intimacy of your relationship. What more, you will also be getting compliments from your husband very soon on things ranging from your facials and hairstyle to your cooking and housekeeping!

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Be an empathetic listener: 'Oh, I do it all the time' will be the stock response of many a woman. Many of the women are only passive and usually mechanical listeners. Empathetic listening means understanding his message and conveying your understanding through short comments or gestures. Everybody likes people who listen to them. Your husband's love for you will rise to a boundless level if you train yourself to be an empathetic listener.

Never give advise unless asked for: When you listen to your husband's problems, you may be naturally inclined to give him advise. Everyone detests receiving advise (you are no exception too). So, instead of giving him advise, ask him what he proposes to do. You can slyly bring in your advise as if it was his own idea. Start with a statement 'I remember your saying that you wanted to do this' and then mention your own idea as the one mooted by him. This will invariably find acceptance, if the idea is otherwise good.

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Just as maintaining physical health requires some action and effort on your part, maintaining relationship health requires action. Too many people mistakenly believe that love is a feeling; but love is a verb and those loving feelings are the results of choices and actions.

Whether your marriage is on solid or shaky ground there are two simple actions which when done consistently can make a huge difference.

1. Touch

Everyday, at least 3 times, touch your partner in a loving, non-sexual way. Reach out and connect with your partner through a warm touch that lasts at least 60 seconds.

2. Talk

Say something that feels good to your partner-that puts a smile on their face. Talk with each other for a least 1 minute each day in a loving way about something other than kids or when and how to do whatever.

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Some will say, 'But our relationship is a mess. I don't feel like talking or touching." The answer is, take the challenge and do it anyway. Do it as an experiment, if nothing else. Not with the attitude of proving that it won't work, but an experiment to watch how you and your partner respond. Be prepared to continue the experiment for a least one month. The changes may be gradual and not noticeable at first, but when you take stock at the end of the month, you will see an improvement in the tone of your relationship.

If you want to change how you are feeling you are going to have to change what you are doing. You cannot wait until you feel like loving your partner. You must act lovingly toward your partner and the feelings will follow.

It is the little things done consistently in relationship that strengthen relationships. Without those little things the big gesture become hollow and unappreciated. Have some fun together EVERYDAY.

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When people see a married couple experiencing adversity, their first thought often goes something like this: "Thank goodness they have each other." But facing adversity together as a couple can pose unique challenges.

The good news is that this awareness increases your chances of surviving a traumatic situation intact. If a child becomes seriously ill, a family faces a financial crisis or during any other time of adversity, too often spouses presume their feelings and reactions will be similar. When they aren't, it can lead to misunderstanding, anger, hurt feelings, and ultimately drive a wedge between even the most committed of couples.

No two people confront adversity alike. Moreover, a lot of experts believe that men and women in general tend to grieve differently. A man might be more likely to shift into a take-action mode that downplays emotion. He goes into overdrive trying to "fix" a crisis; if he can't, he throws himself into work or other activities to stay busy and avoid thinking about it.

A woman, on the other hand, may tend to be more expressive and relationship-oriented, taking time to cry and talk about her fears, sadness or anger.

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A common result is for the wife to believe her husband simply doesn't care. She feels alone in her pain and is more likely to reach out to others for solace-which can work to drive a couple apart. The husband, on the other hand, might feel overwhelmed by the combination of his own grief and fear that his wife's reactions are unhealthy or even dangerous. Soon, he's spending more hours at the office and less time at home, which only escalates her sense of isolation. It is a vicious cycle.

In a situation like this, communication is key. The husband who tends to shun open expressions of grief needs to assure his wife that while he might deal with it differently, he does feel the pain of their shared loss or challenges just as acutely as she does. She, meanwhile, might assure him that she is simply coping in the way that comes naturally to her.

Of course, when it comes to gender, these are broad generalizations and every situation is unique. There are plenty of women who are less expressive about their emotions, plenty of men who are very expressive and many more who fall somewhere in between. The important thing is to recognize that we all cope and communicate differently, and it doesn't mean we care less.

What's important now is to look for common ground. Set aside time each day to talk about what each of you is going through and how you're feeling. If difficult circumstances are ongoing, now is the time to strategize as well as commiserate-which can turn a negative into a positive by building a sense of partnership. If the adversity is a finite event, such as a loss in the family, it could be a time to compare favorite memories of that person and think of ways to honor his or her memory. How long you choose to do this is up to you, as long as you both agree. (If one of you feels particularly afraid of being tied into a long, emotional talk, you might even set a time limit.)

It won't always be comfortable, and you still can't force your feelings to be in synch. But it keeps the doors open and can be a special opportunity for your relationship to grow, even when times are tough.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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