My Husband Puts Others Before Me: Husband Always Puts Me Last

Your husband has a very full life. Most men do. He likely juggles a full-time career, his responsibilities as a father and his commitment to you. You do the same in your life but you feel that you've always made your husband a priority, even though he hasn't done the same for you. You're frustrated, disappointed and perhaps even a bit confused. You never imagined your life would end up in this place, did you? You feel unappreciated, taken for granted and unloved. Obviously, this situation has to change. You're not going to accomplish that by making subtle comments about how your best friend's husband loves and adores her. It's also not going to make any difference if you nag your husband in an effort to get him to move you to the top of his priority list. You have to address this issue in a way that makes your husband come to his own realization that you're the most important person in his life. Understanding the direction you need to take to accomplish that begins with gaining more insight into why he's acting the way he is.

On the day you and your husband married you promised many things to one another both verbally and silently. To most women one of the major, silent vows is to always put one another at the top of life's priority list. We, as women, almost always do that with our spouses. We may falter a bit when we become mothers primarily because our parental nature kicks in and we focus all of our attention on our little ones. However, with men it tends to be a bit different story. Men sometimes allow their work or their friends to take top billing. If you're a wife who is beginning to notice that shift in her husband's life, it's ultimately going to hurt.

Shifting your husband's attitude so that you become the focal point of his life isn't nearly as hard as you may believe that it is. You've likely already tried speaking to him about the problem. In most cases when a husband is confronted with a wife who says that she feels neglected, he'll take a defensive stance and go on the attack. He may say things about how he works so hard for her or how he can't ever do anything that makes her happy. This is to be expected and any woman who has had this conversation with her husband more than once, knows that it's a normal reaction so she doesn't take it personally.

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You absolutely must take a more subtle approach. Your husband reacts better to action than words. Most men do. They will make a change in themselves if they feel something internally as opposed to being told something. That's why it can be incredibly helpful if you temporarily stop paying your husband as much attention as you have been. You shouldn't take the stance of pushing him to the back of your priority list, but instead view it as moving other things ahead of him for a time and for a very defined purpose.

The simpler and less meaningful things are the best. That's to say that if your husband is expecting you to have dinner cooked when he comes home from the office, he should be greeted with a frozen dinner and a note saying you had a yearning to go see a movie with a girlfriend. Another great way to get your point across is to stop doing as much around the house. If you neglect your husband's laundry because you're so busy shopping online for a new handbag, he's going to feel the pinch of your neglect.

This may be viewed by many women as game playing with their spouse but sometimes the way to a man's heart is through sports. It's doubtful that your husband has made a conscious effort to push you off his priority list. It's more likely that he's mindlessly allowed other things to take precedence. By showing him how that feels, you'll be pushing him into seeing that there's a better and more respectful way to be a loving and attentive partner.

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Are you interested in understanding men and being a better wife or girlfriend? Hopefully this article will give you some tips and advice that will help you understand men and get along with us better. This article is going to talk about compromise and making do. If you're like me, you might often daydream that your relationship is the best that it can be. You know that this isn't the case, however. A strong relationship comes in the form of a lot of sacrifices and compromises. Let's talk about how to best compromise to make the marriage or relationship stronger than ever before.

1. Compromising

Neither person is always going to get everything they want. In fact if this is the case, the relationship wouldn't last long at all. There wouldn't be any balance. There has to be an equal distribution of value to both the man and the woman if it is to work out in the long run.

Compromising is a great way to make it work out because it shows that you're both talking about what you value and working out a way so that you both get what you value. It also shows that you're willing to talk things through without getting too worked up.

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2. Economics

If you've ever studied economics, you would know that it's basically to do with allocating resources limited resources to a limitless demand. Both the man and the woman have a limitless demand of certain things from the relationship, but the key is allocating resources efficiently so that both parties are happy.

Things that you usually allocate are time and money. Time is the more important factor and if you can make it so that you're both dedicating time to teach other, things can work out in the long run.

3. How To Allocate Time To Each Other Effectively

I know of relationships where the man allocates a lot of his time for the woman. This doesn't work out in the long run, since the value of the time decreases as the woman perceives that she can have it whenever she wants.

The key is to always make it seem that there is never enough of it. That's why when you compromise, you're essentially denying your partner of something that they want. The value of the item (time) stays high and both people in the couple stay happy.

There is obviously a lot more to talk about when it comes to time allocation, but at least now you know of the psychological and economical reasons of compromising that make it an important activity to do in your relationship if you want it to work out in the long run. This is a crucial part of understanding men and having a stronger relationship, so it's worth putting in the time to practice and get better at it.

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Two of the most important emotional needs of adults are the need to be an autonomous self in control of one's own life and the need to be emotionally connected to another person. Successful couples have to find ways to balance these two drives which often seem to be in conflict. An ability to satisfy both of these needs is one of the major hallmarks of a mature and gratifying marriage.

When one recognizes that we all have both of these needs, each of them can be satisfied at different times or even at the same time. For most couples, though, it doesn't work out so easily. These needs are seen to be mutually exclusive. In the most immature relationships, neither need gets satisfied. The degree of emotional dependency the partners feel toward one another keeps them bouncing between fears of abandonment and engulfment.

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The feeling is that I cannot be OK unless you want the same thing that I want at the same time that I want it. Many partners split this conflict. One partner gets to hold all the closeness needs while the other holds all the autonomy needs. This is what therapists call the distancer-pursuer conflict. Emotionally mature individuals are able to acknowledge that they both have separateness and togetherness needs. Knowing this, they don't blame each other as much and the conflict becomes a more internal one. That is, the partners try to understand and work with their own anxieties about connectedness and separateness.

With this acceptance of inner ambivalence and psychic complexity comes an understanding that one's partner is not the true source of the conflict. It comes from within. At the highest level of emotional maturity comes a recognition that the needs for independence and connectedness are not really in conflict at all. There develops a joyful appreciation of both togetherness and separateness. The feeling is that we are two individuals who can choose to be either separate or together and can fully enjoy both.

Now Listen Carefully-

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How can self mastery be the secret ingredient to relationship success? The answer is that the more comfortable we are within ourselves the stronger partners we can be in a relationship. True self mastery is not selfishness. Instead, it is a realistic acceptance of ones strengths and limitations while allowing ones' partner the freedom to be who he/she is. From that premise the couple can grow the relationship because they don't need the other to fulfill them. Rather their energy can go into creating a loving relationship.

A relationship is more than a twosome. It is a separate dynamic entity. Let's look at an example of a relationship where the needs of one person undermined the well being of the relationship.

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Mary and John had a good marriage. Gradually things began to change and they no longer were able to work together as well as before. John's drinking had increased to a point where he was not present with his family the way he had been. His life revolved more and more around his drinking. Tasks that they used to share - the kids, bills, care for the home -Mary was doing by herself. So far the part of their lives that had not fallen apart were their jobs. Mary was operating in automatic survival mode until she stepped back and acknowledged that she needed to reclaim who she was. By re-focusing on herself Mary began to renew her self mastery. She admitted to herself that she had been in denial about how she was affected by the changes. As Mary got stronger in self mastery she began addressing the issues with John that were undermining the well being of their relationship.

What we learn from this example is how change in one person affected the balance of the relationship. Two people can gradually create a balance in their relationship that forces each into roles that undermine their ability to function fully. By re- focusing on self mastery a new healthy balance can be established in the relationship.

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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