My Husband Wants To Be Alone: When Your Husband Wants To Be Left Alone

Your husband wants to be alone and you see before you the end of your marriage. It's devastating when the man you adore tells you that he needs time away from you. A break from a marriage never seems like a good idea if you're still crazy about your man. The problem rests in how to save the marriage without pushing him ever farther away. You can rebuild the bond you have with your husband if you understand exactly what you should be doing and saying.

When your husband wants to be alone your initial reaction may be one of deep hurt and resentment. For a brief moment you'll likely feel as though your world is collapsing in around you. You fear what is around the corner and you have trouble imagining what your life will be like without him. All of this combined together will make you very emotional. It will also make you say and do things that you'll come to regret. You need to take a step back when your husband tells you he needs space. If you don't, you may damage the relationship beyond repair.

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As difficult as it sounds, you need to give him the space he needs. By doing so you'll be showing him that you respect him and what he feels is necessary. If you fight him tooth and nail on the idea of a separation, he'll come to despise you and any hope there may have been to save the marriage will be forever lost. Try not to view the separation as a completely negative thing. You may actually find that he loves and appreciates you more once he's had some time away from you.

Make certain that he understands that you are there to talk to him whenever he needs you. Many men shy away from discussing their feelings or their thoughts on the relationship because they fear it will result in an argument or they will be misunderstood. Be calm and centered when you two do talk so he feels that you're accepting of anything he tells you. If you can learn from what he shares, it will certainly help you two when it comes to going forward in your relationship together.

Be his friend if you can find the strength to be. Your marriage is a partnership and just as it took the two of you to build it, it will take the two of you to rebuild it now. Make certain that he understands that you only want the best for him. This will help him to trust in your love for him again.

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Looking for ways on how to fix your marriage is a little bit scary because in the back of your mind you know if you can't repair things your marriage could be over. Well, there is no marriage so broken that it can't be fixed. It just takes a little bit of effort by one or both spouses to improve the marriage.

Is it possible to learn how to fix your marriage by yourself? I've found that it's possible but it depends on the problem and how much of a role the other person has in creating or dispersing of the marriage issue.

OK, so marriage is supposed to be spending life in love and loving your spouse until death do you part but somehow your relationship has broken. The marriage feels like a slow death now and your heart is hurting, marriage is painful and your goal is to figure out how to repair your marriage now before it's too late.

Here are a few tips on how to fix your marriage

Commit To Do Your Part

I know that marriage is a partnership and if there are marriage problems both spouses should work together to fix the marital issues. However, you can only be responsible for your actions so make a commitment to be the best spouse you can be. This can be difficult if your spouse isn't willing to commit to doing the same but that's ok. If it's a team effort that's great but it's not a requirement for you to do your part.

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Your job is to manage situations so they don't end up hurting your marriage.

For example, let's say your spouse is working late again for the 7th day in a row after you agreed that he or she would spend more time at home. Now, perhaps the old you would immediately confront, accuse and abuse your spouse as soon as the door opened. In some cases, all of the lights would have been turned off, no food would be left out and in the bed you would be angry and pretending to be sleep.

The way to fix your marriage is to figure out how to create an environment where your spouse is looking forward to coming home. Instead of the cold, angry and non-supportive greeting try flipping it around. Perhaps have some bath water waiting and surprise your spouse with a hot meal and a massage in the tub. I bet this will improve intimacy, communication, trust and commitment in your marriage by just replacing anger and conflict with love and happiness.

Learn how to fix your marriage by making it so your spouse sees how wonderful it feels to be in a loving, supporting and caring environment instead of a hostile, fighting and frustrating marriage. Things will slowly but surely get better in your marriage.

Commit To Love While Learning How To Fix Your Marriage

Another important thing you can do in learning how to fix your marriage problems is separate the problem from your spouse. You must continue to love your spouse even though the problems are breaking your heart and making marriage difficult. You can detest the problems and still love your spouse. The problems can be fixed but when it's all said and done, if you haven't continued to love your mate, it will be difficult to want to stay in the relationship.

The key to fixing your marriage problems and repairing your broken heart is doing your best to make your marriage work.

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Wow, you're wondering should you stay married for the kids.

That's one of the toughest any marriage could really ever face. It's likely that the only person that you've ever loved more than your spouse, is your kids, and hurting them is not something that you EVER want to have to do.

I know exactly how you feel. It really wasn't long ago at all that I was in your precise position and wondering the exact same thing, should you stay married for the kids.

My wife and I would even have conversations about it. Sometimes heated, sometimes as calm as ever (you know its bad when it's a calm backwards is that?)

Listen there's been fewer low times in my life as when I was wondering if I was doing more good or harm for my kids by staying in a tumultuous marriage. It's one of those things where you're truly stuck not knowing what the heck to do.

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One of things I decided, because I was getting really tired of wondering if I should stay married for my kids was that I was going to give it one last shot. I figured that I deserved one last shot to make sure that I wasn't giving up on my marriage prematurely, and my kids deserved one last shot at having two mature parents and not the ones they'd had for the first few years of their lives.

I also decided something else. I decided that instead of focusing on all that was wrong with my life that I would begin to focus and enjoy all the great things in my life.

That can seem tough at times when life is full of arguments, but you'd be surprised what happens when you ignore all of the crap that you don't like, and start to focus on all the stuff that you love.

What did I focus on?

My kids! The time that I enjoyed with my wife, and the times that I didn't enjoy I stayed away. I avoided all negativity. For the most part, this worked like crazy, but the truth it was it was only the beginning.

But it certainly laid some really good groundwork.

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Sometimes, when your husband wants a separation and you don't, you get to a point where you have a pretty awful and hurtful realization: If you want to have any relationship at all with him, you're going to have to change the relationship that you currently have. Many husbands insist that they need "time" and often, this means that they don't want for you to keep tabs on them, worry about them, and participate in your usual marriage with them.

This can be extremely difficult to wrap your brain around. After all, you've probably been with this man for a very long time. Your relationship probably feels so necessary to your day to day routine that you can not imagine your life without it. But, after a while, it can become clear that you are going to need to redefine the relationship if you are to have any relationship at all. And this is what usually brings up the topic of "friendship."

A wife might say: "my own husband is telling me that he needs some time away from me and wants to pursue a separation. He's careful to say that he is not divorcing me right now, but he's also insisting that I give him time and not nag him. He's basically telling me that he needs 'a friend' instead of a wife. He insists that he is not looking to date any one else. He says he just wants to have some space and it's going to be hard to do that if I have expectations of him. So he says that we can talk and see each other - but only if it is friendly and not romantic with my questioning and pressuring him. Of course, this does not sound great to me. I can't believe that it has come to this. But I would rather be his friend instead of being nothing to him. I can't imagine having no contact at all. So if I have to be his friend to keep in contact, then so be it. The problem is that I have no idea how to be his friend. When we met, we were not friends first. We had an instant attraction and we were romantically involved right away. We were never friends. We were lovers and then spouses. How do I stop acting like a wife and start acting like a friend when we are still married?"

I know that this is confusing and that it hurts. But when I was going through this, I found it best to try really hard not to focus on the perceived loss and instead to focus on the fact that if you carry this out correctly, it should actually improve your marriage.

Being a supportive listener and being invested in your spouse without any romantic motivations is a wonderful skill to have. Some of the most solid and fulfilling marriages that I have had the privilege of learning from are comprised of two people who are truly best friends.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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Here is something else that is very important to understand. When your spouse is telling you that he needs you to be a friend to him, sometimes what he is really saying is that he doesn't feel heard or understood by you. Instead, he feels that you have some expectation or agenda that is keeping you from really understanding him or listening to him. This is important because it is giving you a solid clue about the motivations for the separation.

As far as how to be friend to your husband, start by looking at how you're a friend to everyone else. Think of your best friends. When you are around them, you're probably just there without any agenda. You are there because you like spending time with them and because they know you well and are fun to be around. You generally don't expect as much from your friends as you do with your spouse. The time spent with them is often laid back and without pressure. This may well be what your husband is asking for - time together where the pressure is greatly dialed down.

Also, when you're with your friends, you don't always talk about the difficult topics. You just want to enjoy your time together and things are rarely tense or heavy. This is the mood that you want to maintain with your husband.

People often tell me "it is going to be impossible to be my husband's friend. I see him as my husband not as a friend." I think it's fine to still see him as your husband as long as you can do this while stepping back and changing the tone of your time together.

You can have dinner with him without quizzing him on his mindset, his intention, and his feelings. You can talk about current events or other things for a while. You can enjoy spending time together without worrying so much about what it all means - because no one does this with their friends.

I understand that he is asking a lot from you. But I think that what he really means could be that he just wants you to back off on the pressure. He wants your time together to be a bit easier and casual - like an easy relationship. He doesn't want to be questioned about everything right away.

If the "friend" directive bothers you, then try to think about it another way. What your husband is really asking for is that you not make huge wifely demands of him while separated. He might just need you to listen instead of question for a while. He may be asking for support without a lot of expectations at first.

I think it's a good strategy to just tell yourself that you will try to keep things light and casual and adjust as you see his reaction. I know that it is difficult, but it is better than the alternative - to push so hard that he starts to avoid you or limit his time with you.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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