My Husband Wants To Separate: My Husband Wants A Separation But I Don't - My Husband Wants To Separate To Find Himself

My husband wants to separate is not a statement that a woman in love with her spouse wants to make. Marriage is full of challenges, but if you're devoted to your partner, you weather through the rough patches and come out stronger and more connected. Once your husband has told you that he'd like some time apart from you, you have an important decision to make. You can either let him go in peace or you can put up a fight that you will not be able to win. If your partner has made it clear to you that he's no longer happy with you and wants some distance, why would you try and hold onto him? You stand a much better chance of saving your marriage if you agree with your husband that some time apart would do you both good.

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Once you first hear that your husband wants to separate you immediately begin to imagine a future that is filled with divorce proceedings, shared custody and loneliness. You fear that once you allow him to leave, there will be only a slight chance that he'll return. That's actually not true at all. In fact, many couples who decide to separate find that they can't stand being apart. They realize, during the separation, that they are miserable without each other and they end up back together, more committed to each other than they've ever been before.

If your husband is intent on wanting to leave, let him go. Try your best to not get too emotional. Naturally, you're going to feel overwhelmed, but you should work to conceal those feelings when you're in his presence. Tell him that you see the benefit in a separation and then let him be. Don't hunt him down, don't try and trick him into coming back to see you by pretending there's a problem with the home or with the children. Give him what he needs. You should take the time apart to focus on your own needs too. Many women start to lose their own identity when they become wives and mothers. They spontaneity they once felt is gone and their goals and dreams have been pushed aside. Jump back into being you and focus on what makes you happy. All the while your husband will be slowly realizing what he's at jeopardy of losing. Once he's reminded of the beautiful, dynamic woman he married, he'll be back, begging you for a chance to reconcile.

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Who ever said or put it in stone that it's going to take two of you to save your marriage? Just because your spouse is being slightly bull headed or doesn't want to talk about saving the marriage with you, doesn't mean that you still can't do it. It may take a little more work, but then again it could be easier without them in the beginning to get in your way or knock down any of your ideas.

For starters, not having your spouse involved early on helps. What I mean is, your spouse may have already made clear to you that they don't want to talk about it anymore. At first, this may seem devastating that you can no longer get through to your spouse on things you'd like to do or are willing to do to save the marriage. It's perfectly natural to feel this way. But, the way this may help is that you no longer feel or have the urge to be constantly at their ear about the marriage, nor are you hanging on to that thread of hope most spouses dangle along to get what they want out of all of this chaos.

This also gives you time to cope and deal with some of the emotions you have running through your head without adding any additional stress or arguments over the marriage. You have time now to sort your thoughts and gain some focus on what it is you need to do to gain back your spouses favor.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

You see, some of the worst damage that can be done to a marriage is in this sensitive time when you and your spouse are normally going back and forth with one another over who's fault all of this is. You may have already went these rounds with your spouse, but as of now most of the communication between the both of you may be shut down. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing at the moment. It should aid you in avoiding battles with your spouse that can result in more damage and sort of puts that on hold for a while. Which is for the most part to your advantage, as you're no longer tempted to get your point across, regardless of it's consequences as you might normally be.

What's most important now, is your focus on a plan to save your marriage. More than likely, you know your spouse better than anyone else. You know what pushes their buttons. You know what pleases them. And, most of all you know what types of things they best respond too. Without them in the way or constantly knocking down your ideas or plans to save your marriage, you can move ahead with what you think and have learned to work with your spouse over the years. Without them even knowing it, you can begin taking steps to save your marriage. There are a lot of psychological and reverse psychology maneuvers that you can begin putting into action starting today, you just have to muster up the courage to start doing them.

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So, you think your marriage is ending. You are desperate to save your marriage, but don't know what to do, where to turn. First thing - I feel for you. I have been where you are now, I have felt the same pain, the same desperation and the same sorrow that must surely be surrounding you now.

Cast away all bad feelings now. I have saved my marriage - and I didn't do it by crying all day in my room. I did it by taking the correct action.

Yes, it hasn't been the smoothest of roads, but you can learn from my mistakes and not do them. I wanted to save my marriage, but I didn't know what to do, and in my desperation I did all the wrong things.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

What are the wrong things that you should avoid?

Anything that your desperate mind is giving as a knee-jerk, emotion- filled reaction; instead of carefully thought and considered action that is SO necessary to save a marriage.

Unfortunately, when you are desperate to save your marriage, you can't think of anything but those knee-jerk reactions. That is why you should learn to go against the flow, AGAINST your emotions. Do not let them guide you into doing all the wrong things. You need to be calm, you need to be considerate of everything.

This is why I urge you to stop doing what you "feel like" and start looking for some outside advice instead. With a clear plan of action in front of you, coming from an expert, everything suddenly starts to be better. I have lived this personally and cannot stress how much of a difference it makes.

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I often hear from couples who disagree about the timing of their reconciliation. Usually, one spouse is ready far earlier than the other. And this can cause hurt feelings and confusion. Because it's often not that the reluctant spouse never wants to reconcile. They often do want to - at least eventually. But they're not ready quite yet and they feel pressure since they don't want to hurt any one's feelings or create any misunderstandings. At the same time, something deep down is telling them that it isn't the best idea to reconcile before they are truly ready because doing so might put the odds of the reconciliation actually succeeding at risk.

An example of a concern in this situation is something like: "my husband moved out about four months ago. It was a mutual decision because our marriage had become somewhat unhappy and unhealthy. We fought all of the time and the fights had started to turn personal. He was under a high degree of stress with his work and he brought that home a lot. It got a point where I would start to become anxious when I was driving home from work because I knew that the atmosphere at home was going to be tense. When I approached my husband about a separation, he admitted that it might benefit him to work on himself and he was very gracious about giving me time. He also has been very respectful during our separation and he has allowed me to set the tone. He says that he loves me and wants for me to be happy and I believe and appreciate that. We have gotten together regularly during our separation and things have gone well. We have communicated very effectively and for the most part we have fun when we get together. I am enjoying this new phase of our relationship and I like flirting with my husband again. The problem is that my husband wants to come home. He says that he thinks our marriage is ready to move forward. Maybe our marriage is ready. But I am not ready. I have enjoyed having this time to myself. And I have been working on myself on a personal level. I feel like I still have some work to do on my own. I am not saying that I don't want to ever let me husband come back home. I most definitely do. And probably soon. But I am not ready right now. However, I'm not sure how to tell this to my husband without hurting his feelings and without making it sound like a rejection."

I understood this wife's hesitation. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt her husband or to jeopardize the possibility of a future reconciliation. But I believe that she was right to be listening to your gut. If your heart is telling you that you are not ready, then I believe that you are better off honoring this and being honest rather than allowing a spouse to come home even when you know that the time isn't right. Making your marriage work after a separation can be a challenge even when the timing is perfect. But going into knowing that the timing is off is conceding that you already have something stacked against you. There's no reason to do this when waiting would likely give you a better result and allow you to be more enthusiastic about the process.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Effectively Communicating This: So how do you clearly communicate this without being hurtful? Well first, I would think that you stress the positive. You have made so much progress. You have seen some wonderful and encouraging changes. And the time apart has made you appreciate your husband and allowed you to see that he is willing to put your needs and your well being first. Second, you may want to offer some compromise. Because at the heart of it, he's really looking to move forward. Perhaps you're not ready for him to move back in, but maybe you're perfectly comfortable with spending weekends together or seeing each other for extended periods of time more often. All of this is important to communicate.

So you may want to say something like: "it's so encouraging that you want to come home. That makes me see how far we have come. And that touches me deeply. I know that we have both worked hard during this separation and I see a lot of positive signs that make me very hopeful about the future. I do believe that the time will be right for us to live together again soon, but I'm just not ready quite yet. And by that I don't mean that I don't want you with me or that our marriage isn't what I want. What I mean by that is that I still feel that I need a little bit of time to work on myself. I want to be as strong and as healthy as possible so that as an individual I can make our marriage and our partnership as strong as it can possibly be. And for that I just need a little bit more time. I want for our marriage to survive and thrive once you come home so I want for both of us to be as ready as we can possibly be. In the meantime, I'd love to start spending weekends together so that we can sort of ease back into a permanent living situation when the time is right. Does that sound good to you?"

Of course, this is just a suggestion. Feel free to add in whatever words or suggestions that will work best for your marriage. But the key is to say this in such a way that he feels encouraged and so that he understands.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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