You step up to the ticket counter at the movie theater and say “One, please,” take your single ticket and sit your single self down in the darkened theater. You munch from your single-sized bucket of popcorn, sighing as you can’t help but notice all the loving couples all around you, cooing, holding hands. Heck, even the ones who are bickering look happy to you! You pop a single piece of popcorn into your mouth, and sigh your way through yet another movie where somebody else got the guy. . . not you. . .never you . . .sigh. . .

“Why are all the good ones taken?” you cry to your equally morose single girlfriends. “Why are men so commitment phobic?” “Why do men only want one thing, and when they’ve had it, they’re gone?” Your girlfriends agree, nodding sagely, “That’s just the way men are.” And you don’t understand why you can’t find a relationship, why you’re still alone, and in the dead of night that awful little voice starts in “What’s wrong with me? Why won’t anybody love me?”

Oh, the power of words! Words are a direct reflection of your thoughts, and your thoughts are what determine what you will perceive, what – out of everything going on around you – you will pay attention to. So when you find yourself saying “All the good ones are taken,” you are actually saying “I won’t pay any attention to the good ones who are not taken.” All I will see as I go about my day are the good ones who are taken.” When you say “men are commitment phobic” you only notice those who are, you don’t even see the men ready, willing and able to commit, or you never consider them seriously. You find flaws in such men, which really is just your subconscious’ way of helping you stay true to your credo “men are commitment phobic!” You are inevitably, irresistibly, attracted to those among the male species who are hunters, not gatherers, your subconscious supporting your belief that “men only want one thing.” And then you’re all upset when you can’t find “a good one,” and you torment yourself with doubts about your worthiness, your loveability.

Put an end to the self-torture! Put the responsibility for the situation squarely where it belongs: on your thoughts, your beliefs about men, not on your self-worth. Your thoughts are what is creating this unwanted situation. Change your thoughts and you will change your experience of life.

You see, your thoughts are not facts. Your thoughts are your version of the facts, and frankly there are as many versions of the facts as there are people on the planet! That’s why when there are six eyewitnesses to a crime, there are six different versions of what happened. Everyone perceives the facts differently. So you might as well let go of the thoughts that don’t serve you, that don’t match up with what you want, and adopt a new version of the facts which do!

“Men are great,” “Lots of men value relationship,” “There’s a new single one born every minute,” “Lots of men are looking for a gal just like me,” “Lots of men thrive on commitment.” All of these are far more supportive of your desire for a relationship than the thoughts you usually trot around your brain. These thoughts are every bit a legitimate version of the facts as your previous thoughts. Nothing stands in the way of your adopting them. So go for it! Every time you catch yourself having a thought that doesn’t support what you want, change the thought! Eventually you’ll start to see men who fit your new thoughts about men, as your subconscious falls into line, and allows you to perceive men differently.

Life is a whole lot more fun when you get what you want. You know, two tickets, two seats, and that giant bucket of popcorn!

Author's Bio: 

Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., known as "Dr. Noelle" to her clients, is a respected psychologist, consultant and author. Her most recent books is "The Power of Appreciation: The Key to a Vibrant Life" (with co-author, Jeannine LeMare Calaba, Psy.D.; Beyond Words, 2003). For more than a decade, she has helped people live happier, healthier lives with her "compassionate psychotherapy." Dr. Noelle welcomes your comments via email ( You can visit Dr. Noelle anytime at