Odds of Getting Back Together After Separation: Chances of Reconciling After Separation

A trial separation is what most people call a prelude to divorce. Without legalities, couples agree to separate physically for a certain period of time to let them work things out with their marriage. This period is a crucial time for both couples. Marriages are made or broken during a separation.

But before you embark on a trial separation, here are a few advantages and disadvantages that you should know about:


1. A trial separation can give couples a chance to develop and improve self-responsibility. It is different when you live together; mistakes spouses make can easily be blamed on the other partner. But when you are both apart, you become accountable for your own actions.

2. This period can give couples the space and time to clear their heads and get a look at the bigger picture. When heads are hot and tempers are steaming, rushed decisions are most likely made. But with a clear head, couples can now properly evaluate their situation and hopefully come up with a better decision regarding their relationship.

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1. Trial separations are not ideal for couples who simply want to "take a break" and who are not taking the idea of divorce seriously. Why? Because instead of working things out in your marriage together, you are drawn further apart by the physical distance between you and your partner.

2. When divorce is inevitable (especially when physical abuse or repetitive infidelity is involved), trial separations tend to be fruitless.

3. If you or your spouse plan to meet or have intimate relationships with other people during this time, then you're better off getting a divorce than wasting your time.

4. If you are unwilling to adjust to make your relationship work then a trail separation is fruitless and a divorce becomes unavoidable.

Trial separations are a gray area between divorce and patching things up in a marriage. These times are important and emotionally heavy for everyone involved. If have one, be as encouraging and as reassuring as you can with your children. Make them understand the reasons both of you are taking this "time-off" in your marriage.

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For a good while, I've had to talk to numerous people about how to let go of harmful relationships. Getting out of harmful relationships has been a very hot topic in the press for several years. The topic seems relevant to the needs of many. However, there is a danger to such a negative outlook. With such a collective focus on avoiding or escaping from destructive relationships it's easy to overlook the natural and non-pathological ways that relationships often do not work out. Many times I have seen people blame themselves mercilessly for having pursued yet another ill-fated relationship, even when the relationship initially seemed to hold much promise. This self-castigation is especially prevalent among the people focusing on recovery from co-dependence issues. Like most self-blame, it's destructive as well as unnecessary.

Too many people view relationships from a pseudo-scientific perspective: If you make a wise choice in a partner, then the relationship will work out (assuming you make the "right" moves as well). If you hold this belief as being your own, it may be laying the foundation for accumulating shame and low self-esteem. The problem is that relationship skills are probabilistic at best. You can behave in "better" or "worse" ways to influence relationships but you cannot control them. They are NOT scientific and they don't rely on exact procedures. There are no "right" choices! The myth of control is dangerous even though it seems reassuring on the surface. If you assume relationships can be controlled, then when one doesn't work out you will likely conclude that you either did not make a wise choice in a mate (i.e. "dumb choice") or that you didn't manage the relationship the "right" way (i.e. "dumb moves"). These messages accumulate more shame and evidence of your being a defective human being, even though your investment in the relationship may have been a good risk.

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You are better off with a broader concept of risk within relationships. Instead of assuming that risk is just a matter of feeling vulnerable., you can also assume that you are operating on very limited information. You can assume that there is a lot about your partner that you cannot know, and perhaps a lot that they may not know about themselves. You can assume that you can't perfectly predict how your partner's feelings will change as the relationship evolves. You can assume that changing life circumstances may influence either your partner's emotional investment or your own. In short, you can assume random and unpredictable influences over which you have little or no control. Which brings me to my main premise: That you can take wise risks for a relationship that doesn't necessarily work out. Even though you may be disappointed with the demise of a relationship, your initial decision to invest may have been a wise one. This is especially prevalent when one person risks investing with another who is undergoing personal change following a separation or divorce. The newly divorced person may be wonderfully receptive, compassionate, and loving but he or she may be understandably fearful of making new commitments and may not have a stable vision of what he or she wants. Investing with such a person has many risks but also much potential. Will it be worth it? There's no way to tell for sure. How much time do you have to find out? How important is a future commitment and how much do you want to emphasize the present? How vulnerable are you to the pain of possible disappointment? You may weigh these and other considerations when making a wise choice... and you may still be disappointed in the end. If you considered many of these factors, you don't have to blame yourself for being dumb or pathological. You can instead appreciate your limitations in being able to predict the future.

So how do you know when you are making a "wise" or an "unwise" investment in a relationship? I would suggest that it is unwise to ignore easily obtainable information that can help your decisions. For example, not communicating with your partner can help keep you totally in the dark. The most unsound choices are made when you are ignoring information that you already have on hand. If you ignore a long and consistent pattern of frustrating behaviors by your partner merely because you keep hoping that he or she will change, then you are certainly exercising unwise choices. The bottom line is that unwise choices will involve unsound consideration of available information. Wise choices involve consideration of available but limited information as well as the real possibility that you may still wind up with having made a wise mistake.

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Just like almost every girl, I have always dreamed of my prince charming who will rescue me one day and take me with him...happily ever after. My concept of a prince charming was not only a handsome and gorgeous man but someone who is my soul mate.

I remember being on the lookout for that soul mate. My basis was that instant connection of the heart and mind, followed by that tingling feeling all over my body. I guess I based this concept from all those novels I've read and love stories I've watched. It was very frustrating. I met men who connected with me mentally but I just didn't get that tingling feeling. Then I met those who gave me that tingling feeling but there was no other connection. After some time, I totally gave up on this soul mate issue and just settled for anyone who will love me, even more than I will love him. I just needed to be loved.

I found that man who loved me more than I loved him and it wasn't enough for me. There was something inside of me that still believed that my prince charming was out there... my perfect match... the one who was created perfectly for me. Was I just dreaming? Yes I was, at that time, because I didn't know the reality of Jesus.

When I finally surrendered my life to Jesus, I discovered what true love was all about. I began experiencing love for what it really was... the pure love of God. My "soulish" realm (mind and emotions) was renewed and I became more and more connected with Jesus. It was this intimate connection with Him that led me to the man who He has set aside for me.

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So did I meet my soul mate? Yes I did, but only because my soul was surrendered to Jesus just as his soul was. This gives me a fresh new definition of a soul mate. While I previously thought of soul mate as that instant connection of the heart and mind and then that tingling sensation in the body, I now look at it as that instant connection of your spirits. When a man and woman are totally surrendered to Jesus, they will know when they see each other. Their spirits will speak and connect with each other like magnets. So where does the "soul" fit in here?

In Romans 8:6 Paul talks about the "mind of the flesh" and "mind of the spirit". The mind belongs to the "soulish" realm. This means that we can think and feel in the flesh, even if we are in the Lord. This may even deceive us, thinking that since our minds and hearts were instantly connected with a fellow Christian, then he is from the Lord. This is why I believe that there has to be a connection of the spirits first. When the connection starts here, then it is the mind and heart of the spirit that will be activated. This for me is what a soul mate is. And this for me should be the foundation of every Christian marriage. Now if you are married and you don't feel this connection with your spouse, I advise you to pray. God can restore your marriage to how it should have been in the first place.

I also believe that there is only one soul mate for each one. This means that your "soul mate" is your "sole mate". God created you for just that one person, and that person was created just for you.

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What men want in a woman is someone who has conviction for their husband. This is an important characteristic that helps to build up the respect and love a husband has for his wife. As cocky and arrogant as we can be at times, men will always look for a woman who will support them when times are tough. Men embrace their role as the breadwinner, but it takes a particular kind of woman to make sure that their man keeps bringing in the dough. Here's three ways to show your support for your man that will make him really appreciate you.

1. Help Out

Us guys can be particular proud and that sometimes gets in the way of our better judgment. Some men do not like their wives helping out in particular tasks but more often than not, he would appreciate you more if you ignored his pigheadedness and did your part.

Some guys completely embrace the "provider" role, but what they realize that they're doing is actually decreasing the respect you have for them. With you helping out, you show that appreciate his hard work and make the marriage work like a partnership ought to work.

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2. Undying Support

Nothing makes us feel more warm and fuzzy inside than knowing that our wife is supporting us, especially behind our backs. They say that true respect occurs when you don't bad-mouth someone, even when they're not there and that's especially true for marriages.

For instance, if you're out with girlfriends, they might remark upon how you don't come to parties with her. We might not know what you tell them, but we do know that your support for us makes our hard work that much more rewarding.

3. You're Our Shield

This is like the point above except a bit more severe. Some people get a lot of negative criticism, especially when it seems like the wife is being ignored. Unless the man is an idiot, he would never intentionally ignore his wife.

Defend us and let whoever is attacking us behind our backs know who they're messing with. Again, we'll appreciate you all the more for that.

What men want in a woman is someone who is willing to defend us until the ends of the earth. There is nothing more heartening to a man than a woman who is going to be there for him, even if he is short on time for her.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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