Assertive, Passive or Aggressive, which style is mostly yours?

What most people don't realize is that assertiveness has many layers to it. You can be assertive with your spouse, but passive at work. You can be assertive with your friends, but aggressive with your child and passive with your parents. Take this quiz and discover if there are areas in your life where you would be happier being more assertive.

1. I am comfortable asking others to do things for me, without feeling guilty or anxious.

2. I can easily express my opinions to authority figures, such as my boss.

3. When I feel angry, frustrated or disappointed, I am able to express my feelings calmly and rationally.

4. I am comfortable speaking up in a group situation, such as a business meeting, or a family gathering.

5. If I feel that I deserve a raise, I am able to speak to my boss and justify my reasons

6. If someone has mistreated me, I am able to tell them calmly how their behaviour has affected me and ask them to change their behaviour in the future.

7. When I make a mistake, I am able to acknowledge it.

8. I can discuss my beliefs without expecting others to agree to it.

9. When doing something for the first time, I feel confident that I can learn to do it well.

10. I believe that my needs are as important as others and that I am entitled to have my needs met.

11. I am able to say "no" without feeling guilty.

12, I can express anger calmly without accusing others of causing it.

13. I can accept criticism without becoming defensive.

14. I am proud of how I respond to challenging situations.

15. I have the confidence to deal with conflict constructively.

Most people have some difficulty in asserting themselves. It is normal. There was no Assertiveness courses taught in school or by our parents. Generally speaking, people tend to fall into two categories, either leaning towards being passive, saying nothing and feeling resentful or unfairly treated or tending to be aggressive; blowing up, criticizing and insulting others. Being assertive is the healthiest middle ground, and an option that is neither taught in school nor received at home.

Becoming more assertive will raise your self-esteem and your confidence level. It will help you interact more effectively with family, friends, as well as colleagues and strangers. If you are tired of feeling manipulated, frustrated, bullied and people taking advantage of you, this may be the time to take action. Asserting yourself is a skill, like using the computer, or driving a car. It can be learned like any other skill, but it also takes practice and the willingness and commitment to take the time and effort.