Powerful Questions

Do you ever find yourself talking in circles? Conversations seem to cover the same ground time after time – almost as if you’re lost in the mist and walking in a circle, back to the same landmarks again and again.

Being lost is no fun for anyone. And it takes time – conversations like this at work or in your team or voluntary group can be very frustrating.

One way of starting to make some forward progress is to ask questions. When you are curious, and ask someone for more details, they understand that you are interested in them. It’s almost always better than giving advice, or trumping one of their stories with one of your own!

And you can make your questions powerful: questions that move things on, open up new areas for thought and discussion, and help the conversation break out of the repeating circle. In general, this means avoiding the question ‘why’ – this one tends to lock people in the past and prevent them thinking about what could be different and what they could do in the future.

Instead, use ‘how’, ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘where’ and ‘who’ – they get at the heart of things. They are powerful - they shift people’s perceptions and help them to act differently.

For example, you’re talking to someone who is feeling low about the way they have been treated by someone else. The question ‘why’ will tend to result in him/her blaming the other person, or finding reasons to justify his/her own behaviour, or bring you up against simple lack of understanding – often we just don’t know why. But instead, you could ask – ‘what are you going to do differently when you see this person next time?’, or ‘who can help you with this?’, or ‘when are you going to have that conversation?’.

Powerful questions are specific questions. And specific questions are usually powerful. They’re at the heart of good coaching.