It could be said that the ideal will be for one to take the time to get to know someone before they end up in a relationship with them. This will give them the chance to find out if they are right for each other.

And when they are in this position, it will also be a good idea for them to make sure they are not too needy. As if they have a strong need to be with someone, this could make it harder for them to see clearly.

A Distorted Outlook

What this comes down to is that when one feels needy, it is going to stop them from being able to operate as a whole human being. The emotional part of them will have taken over and this can mean that their thinking brain will be offline.

Therefore, through not allowing this part of them to take over, it will be a lot easier for them to end up with the right person. They will be able to think about what the other person is like and if they are a good match.

A Small Part

This doesn’t mean that how one feels won’t have an effect on how they see the other person. How they feel is still likely to play a part in how they see the other person, but this won’t be something that has the same impact.

For example, if one was caught up in their emotions, they could believe that another person will make them happy. Their life is then going to completely change through being in a relationship.

Out of Balance

Through having this outlook, one could believe that they are incomplete and, by being with someone else, this will change. The piece that they are missing is then going to be provided the other person.

So if one was to end up in a relationship, they could find that they feel good about their life in the beginning. But as time passes, one is likely to find that they will soon return to how they felt at the start.

Nowhere to Run

Now, this could be a time when one will realise that another person can’t change how they feel about themselves. One could end up taking a step back and looking into what they can do to experience life differently.

At the same time, they could believe that they simply need to find someone else. Once they find the right person to complete them, they won’t need to feel the same way ever again.

Round in Circles

Someone is not going to need to be psychic to see that this person is going to experience a lot of pain in their life. No matter what happens, they will continue to look for someone else to take their pain away.

Yet when one is not needy, they are not going to need anyone to complete them. They might simply have the need to share their life with someone, and this is going to show that they don’t feel incomplete.


In addition to this, it will be vital for one to make sure that they value themselves; as if they don’t, it might not matter if they are not needy. For example, just because one doesn’t come across as needy, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case.

At a deeper level, they can feel extremely needy but, when it comes to their day-to-day life, this part of them can be covered up. There could then be moments in their life when they feel the need to be with another person.

The Opposite

However, as they generally keep their needs at bay, they are likely to attract people who are extremely needy. The people they are drawn to are then going to be a reflection of what is taking place within them.

Even so, if one is out of touch with this part of themselves, they could find it hard to understand why they always attract these kinds of people. And as they ignore their own needs, it can show that they feel ashamed of them and that they don’t value themselves.

A Lack of Discernment

When one doesn’t value themselves, they can end up being drawn to whoever acts interested in them. One can then be used to ending up with people who treat them badly, but this is going to be what feels comfortable.

This is not to say that these people will always treat them in this way at the beginning; it could typically take a while for their behaviour to change. If one is not aware of how what is taking place within them is having an effect on who they attract, they could feel like a victim.

An Observer

As far as they are concerned, these people are just going to appear in their life, and there is not going to be anything that they can do about it. This could then cause one to believe that all men/women are the same.

Fortunately, this is a not a random process and, once one begins to value themselves, they will start to attract people who are different. There will then be no reason for one to believe that they have no control over this area of their life.

A Closer Look

What took place during their younger years may have played a part in how they feel about themselves. This could have been a time when they didn’t receive the love and care that they needed.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

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