If someone was to end up in a relationship that is abusive, there are at least two things that they can do. They can end up cutting their ties and moving on, or they can put up with what is taking place.

If they end up drawing the line and decide to move on, it will be clear that they are not willing to tolerate this kind of behaviour. It might have been as if something within them came to life and caused them to assert themselves.

An Analogy

One way of looking at this would be to say that being with someone like this had a similar effect to what a flame would have on their hand. If a flame was under their hand, they would instantly feel the need to pull it away.

In the same way, being around someone who treats them badly will have also given them the need to move themselves out of harm’s way. This will show that one is working with themselves.

Taking a Break

Once they have ended the relationship, they may not want to speak to their ex again. In the same way that they would have no interest in putting food in their mouth that they didn’t like the last time they eat it – they will have no interest in talking to someone who caused them to feel uncomfortable last time they were with them.

They may decide to stay single for a while and to focus on another area of their life. Taking this approach will give them the chance to cleanse themselves of all the negativity that they picked up from their ex.

Another Experience

On the other hand, if someone doesn’t move on, it is going to be as if they are willing to tolerate this kind of behaviour. Unlike the person above, there is not something within them that has come to life, allowing them to get away from this person.

Nonetheless, even though their body won’t be going anywhere, it doesn’t mean that their mind will be on board with what is taking place. Their mind may be filled with thoughts that relate to how they would love to leave the person they are with.

No Choice

Additionally, they may also experience a number of different feelings that prove how dissatisfied they are with what is taking place. Due to the thoughts and feelings that they experience, one could see themselves a victim.

They are going to be in a situation that they don’t want to be in, yet they will believe that there is nothing they can do about it. The person they are with is then going to be in control of their life.

Something Is Not Right

This persons hand is then going to be above a flame, but for some reason, they are not going to move it. So, just like an autoimmune disease, one is not going to be working with themselves.

Another way of looking at it would be to say that one will be in a car that won’t start, resulting in them being stranded in a very dangerous area. Let’s say that they have gone on safari and their car is surrounded by lions.

The Reason

What this can show is that deep down, how they feel when they are in an abusive relationship, is what feels comfortable. This can be a time when they feel powerless, fearful, helpless, hopeless and worthless, for instance.

These feelings could be a big part of their identity, which means that they wouldn’t know who they were if they didn’t feel this way. To their ego mind, feeling this way can be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe.

Two Levels

The trouble is that if one is not aware of what is taking place at a deeper level and is only aware of what is taking place in their head, they won’t be able to see why they would experience life in this way. It will then be normal for them to believe that they are being victimised by another person, as opposed to being victimised by their own wounds.

The reason why they feel comfortable experiencing these feelings is most likely due to what took place during the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they felt powerless, fearful and worthless on a regular basis.

A Match

Being in a relationship with someone who allows them to re-experience how they felt as a child is then going to be exactly what their unconscious mind wants. It is then not that they randomly ended up with someone like this; it was by design.

The aggressive part of their nature - the part that would allow them to get away from someone like this and to protect themselves - is not going to be on their side. This part of them will most likely be directed against them, causing them to verbally abuse themselves.

Awareness

Once ones identity is no longer dependent upon them feeling powerless, worthless and helpless, for instance, and they are able to integrate their aggression, they will no longer feel comfortable experiencing life in this way. What this illustrates is that their ego mind can get attached to and feel comfortable with anything; it doesn’t matter if it is empowering or life affirming.

If someone can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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