When a relationship comes to an end it can be an incredibly painful experience. And this doesn’t even need to be a relationship was fulfilling or healthy; as it can be painful no matter how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ it was.

So this means that someone can have the desire to get back with their ex and for the relationship to continue even though this might not be the best option. Logically one might think that if the relationship didn’t work before, then the best option would be to move on.

If the relationship did work before and there didn’t seem to be a reason for it to end, then it is only natural that one would do all they can to get back with their ex. What it comes down to is the fact that an emotional attachment has been made and so, logic or reason can have very little impact.

Good

When someone is in a relationship that is going well and then out of nowhere it just ends and this could be an abrupt end, it is could make one wonder what happened. They could end up feeling mystified and have no idea why it has come to an end.

And even if they are aware of what wasn’t working, their mind could filter these reasons out. One then only chose to focus on what was right and to ignore what was wrong. If they can think of more positives than negatives, then this is going to cause one to feel even more convinced that it shouldn’t have ended.

Bad

However, if one is in a relationship that is not going well and then before long it comes to an end, it is unlikely to make one wonder what happened. The evidence is going to be there and there is then no confusion as to why is has come to an end.

But just because the evidence is there, it doesn’t mean that one is going to accept it. They might start to idealise the relationship and begin to see what they want to see; instead of what was taking place.

Solutions

And just because the relationship was not working, it won’t necessarily stop someone form trying to get back with their ex. If it was working, then it is to be expected that one would do all they can to restore the relationship.

This is not something one has to do all by themselves either; as there is help available. One can be assisted through reading books, articles and they can have coaching. There are even spell casters out there that offer to reunite people.

A Mutual Choice

When two people are in a relationship, ideally it should be through choice and not through fear or obligation. So if one was to work on themselves in order to get back with their ex, then it is clear that they are not violating another person. And yet, if one was to use control, manipulation and even a ‘spell’, it shows that they are trying to violate another person.

And if this is what is happening, one would need to ask themselves why they want to get back with their ex. If they truly loved or liked the other person, they would want what’s best for them. If this means that they want one to be a part of their life then so be it, but if not, this is something that one will have to accept.

Emotional Attachment

When one has formed an emotional attachment to someone, it is not going to be easy to let go. If this was a relationship that worked, then one is not necessarily going to want to let go. The fact they are attached to them, could be interpreted as a sign that they are meant to be together.

And the same interpretation could be formed even if the relationship was not working; simply because they feel attached to the other person. Letting go can be painful even when the relationship wasn’t work. As a result of having this attachment, it is going to be painful to not have this person around anymore.

Regulation

So for some people this attachment is going to reflect the truth and that is that they are meant to be together. But for others, it is just going to reflect what is going on for them and therefore have nothing to do with the other person or the relationship.

Being with the other person is then a way for them to regulate their emotions and for them to feel better. What the other person wants is then not taken into account and one is being motivated by their own need to feel better. The other person’s needs and wants are then completely disregarded.

Emotions

And the emotions that one is trying to regulate through being with the other person could relate to the present day relationship and they can also relate to ones childhood years. The present relationship has then triggered trapped emotions from their past and if one is not aware of this, they can end up believing that the other person is causing them.

The other person is then believed to be in control of how they feel and based on this, they are the only ones who can make them feel better. What this would show is that one has become emotionally dependent on the other person.

Awareness

So there is the chance that one is meant to be with their ex and also the chance that they are not. And it will be important for one to reflect on the fact that their ex is an individual who has their own needs and wants.

If one is suffering emotionally, they may need to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer. When one has an emotional build up from their past, it is going to make it difficult for them to see and to think clearly.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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