It is often said that if one wants to have a healthy relationship, they will need to have high self-esteem. Through being this way, it will then allow them to be with someone who will treat them in the right way.

And, if one doubted this, they would only need to pay attention to the people who are in abusive relationships. If they were to do this, they are likely to come across people who don’t value themselves.

For Example

There is the chance that one will know someone who is in an abusive relationship, and this will mean that they will be familiar with how they behave. But, even if this is not the case, it shouldn’t be heard for them to find someone who does experience life in this way.

Through observing their behaviour, they may see that this is someone who doesn’t treat themselves very well. As if they did, they wouldn’t put up with someone who treats them so badly.

All Areas

It might not stop their though, as this person may allow other people to also treat them in the same way. This is not to say that everyone will treat them in the same way; what it means is that they are generally not going to be respected by others.

It could be normal for other people to walk over them and to see them as someone who doesn’t have a problem with this kind of behaviour. The reason for this is that they are not going to stand their ground.


So, even if they were to get annoyed about what has happened, there are going to plenty of other times when they don’t say anything. Alternatively, someone could get annoyed and walk away, and then end up coming back again.

There is then going to be no reason for other people to take them seriously; they will know that no matter what they do, it won’t push them away. If one does value themselves and they are friends with someone like this, it may mean that they rarely see them.


Perhaps this is someone they know from school or college, for instance, and it is then going to be as if they are close friends. Or, this could a member of their family, and they might do what they can to limit the amount of time they spend with them.

There could be moments every year when they come into contact with them, and they could wonder why this person doesn’t change their life. And even if they were to try to help them, they might not get very far.

A Way of Life

This person could dismiss everything they say, and act as though one is trying to undermine then in some way. Therefore, one is going to be seen as a threat, as opposed to someone who actually wants them to change their life.

On the other hand, one could offer their advice and the other person could accept it. But although they could create the impression that they will change their life, this might not actually take place.

The Same Story

Once this conversation is over, they could just go back to what they were doing before and continue to experience life in the same way. It could be said that while can offer their advice, they can’t make someone change.

If they were to feel the need to change their circumstances, it won’t be hard for them to find the information they need. The internet is full of information on how someone, who experiences life in this way, can change their circumstances.

The Time Has Come

If this person was to get to the point where they were no longer willing to put up with what they are going through, they could look into how they can build their self-esteem. This is something that could take place through using positive self-talk, affirmations and spending time around supportive people, among other things.

Through doing this for a little while, they may gradually begin to feel better about themselves. And, as a result of this, they may find that they end up in a relationship with someone who will treat them well.

Another Outcome

At the same time, one could find that even though they feel good about themselves, they end up in a relationship with someone who is no different. It could then be said that they need to continue to work on their self-esteem, and to wait a little bit longer until they have a relationship.

Yet, if they were to take a step back and to pay attention to the people who do have high self-esteem, they may find that some of these people also end up in bad relationships. It is then not going to be something that is black and white.

A Deeper Look

When this happens, someone is going to come across as though they value themselves and they could have a successful career. But while it would be easy to believe that this must mean that their love life is also fulfilling, this is not going to be the truth.

What this can show is that even though someone can feel good about themselves and be a competent human being, it doesn’t mean that every part of them is in alignment. At a deeper level, they could feel comfortable with being with people who treat them badly.

A Cover Up

How they see themselves is then going to be the complete opposite of what is taking place at their core. And this is not something that is going to change by adding things; it will change through letting go of what doesn’t belong within them.

When it comes to why this would feel comfortable at a deeper level, it can relate to what took place during their early years. It might be a challenge for them to remember what took place, but it can be what is defining their life nevertheless.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their circumstances, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to look through what is going on within them and to gradually deal with it.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

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