Single Mom Dating

I didn't date a lot when I was younger. I always used to say it was because I enjoyed hanging out with my friends (which I did), but really it was more about never getting asked out. Everyone wants to be liked. Everyone wants to be asked out. College I dated more, well hung out with guys, because in college no one has money to really go out and do much. Since college, my dating life has been sporadic--a few here and there but never finding "the one."

I've dated guys I've worked with, been set up with, and met online. I've enjoyed some of the guys (some being the key word) and some dates have been fun (most are forgettable, sadly). Dating has never really be too fun for me, but maybe that's a more recent reflection--so I can only imagine how dating as a single mom will be.

I received a call from a reputable-as far as I know-matchmaking service (random, I know) asking if I was still single. I think I called them several years ago about their services. When the lady called she said, "Hi Jessica, this is Alex. Call me" and left her number. Since I don't know anyone named Alex, I had no idea what it was about.

I got the exact same call the next day and the next, which should have been a red flag I know. I finally text this person saying I don't know an Alex and what is this in reference to. The following day she calls again leaving a message saying the company she is with. I do the polite thing and call her back. I end up on the phone with her for about 20 minutes. She wants to talk with me in a couple of days to get more information about me to see if I'm a good match, as if they ever tell anyone they aren't a good match.

So I indulge her and agree to talk with her in a couple of days. She calls me 50 minutes after the time we scheduled (another red flag) saying she has been busy. Are you kidding me? Aren't we all busy? Why does someone who wants your business think it's okay to call 50 minutes late? Five minutes--okay. Even ten minutes, I'd be annoyed with but I could forgive. But 50 minutes, really? And she thinks that's okay and professional. Not even close.

I'm in traffic, so just to pass the time, I talk to her. She asks me basic questions like what am I looking for, is physical appearance important (um, isn't it to everyone?), and what qualities I want in a guy. I feel like I could go on and on about these things, which may be why I've never been married... and a topic for another blog post... which let's face it, I'll write.

Going out with a woman who has a five-month-old is a lot to ask of a guy. My head knows that at least, my heart--not so much. Just because I have a five-month-old doesn't mean I don't want to be love, because I do. It doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love, because I am. I still want the prince on a white horse, even at 38--even at 38 with a five-month-old. I still want the romance and someone who will sweep me off my feet and not drop me so I hit my head.

When the "matchmaker" says it will be $2600 for a year membership. I laugh. Not that deep, bold laugh, but more of a chuckle. Did she say $2600? That seems like a lot for a minimum of 12 dates guaranteed. I tell her that's about $215 a date. She says, "You could spend that much out one night for drinks... "

Why, yes I could... If I was an alcoholic or buying a $215 bottle of wine... neither of which is going to happen, so she needs to stop using that as a selling point. I mean, really!? Who spends $215 a night out on some drinks with a guy she doesn't know? Even if you are having a horrible time, I hope you don't spend that just to pass the time or try and convince yourself to have fun. Because I can have a lot more fun at my own house than spending that on "some drinks" and waking up the next morning realizing I just spent that on drinks just because my date was horrible--let's be honest, we've all had those dates that spending $215 on drinks is probably not far from what we felt like doing just to get through the date.

But the $2600 doesn't include what you actually do on the date. You go Dutch with the guy, which the last time I remember is not really a date, call me old fashion. The $2600 is just to introduce you to the guys. It's an investment. It's a risk. For that kind of risk, I want some type of guarantee... and there just aren't any.

I tell Alex that I'm not willing to settle, and I have doubts about the men she would have in her rolodex. We all know attractiveness is relative. Just because Alex thinks someone is attractive doesn't mean I would. She guarantees 12 dates, these could be 12 dates that are not even appealing to me since I don't see or speak to the people beforehand.

I've been on 12 dates in which I have seen and spoken to the guy beforehand, and we know how those have turned out. So is it worth taking that blind leap of faith?

So the real question is would you spend $2600 to meet "the one?" It seems kind of pricey, but worth it if it's successful. Actually, it's really $2600 for the possibility of meeting "the one."

I tell Alex I'm going to think about it, since it's such a big investment. She says she hears the hesitation in my voice and wants to squash it.

I reply, "It's an investment, and I'm not going to invest without some thought." Just like with any investment, I'm not going to make a quick decision. I need time to think about it. If it's still on my mind in a few days, after some more thinking and research, then I'll call her back.

She doesn't let me go. She knows that if I hang up the likelihood of my calling back is slim. So she pressures me a bit more. I'm able to finally get off the phone with her when I tell her she can call me back if she doesn't hear from me, which I could live to regret since she called three times in three days initially. I'm not sold on it but am open to the idea of a matchmaker. After all, whatever I am doing or am not doing isn't working so far. And if I still want more kids, which I do, I need to get on this... and quickly.

The next day, I look online at reviews. If you think no one reads them, you're wrong. I read them... not all of them. But if I'm making an investment or don't know enough about what I'm buying, I'll read them. I read a ton. I even read a lot for highchairs, pack-n-plays, and strollers. Over the course of months, I did so much research on those that I gave myself headaches.

I read several different sites about this matchmaking company, and most of the reviews I find are negative. The more sites I find, the more confident I become and the more I talk myself out of the decision I was about to make.

I know Alex will be surprised on Monday when she calls to find out I'll decline her offer. I have plenty of other things to spend $2600 on... and when "the one" for me is ready, we will find each other... but dang it, time's a tickin!

Welcome to a single mom's life!