***Smart Cookie Tips: Don't Take a Big Break from Love

Don't Let Your Love Life Flat-linennIf you have let your love life flat-line, then you are at risk for increasing your unhappiness. Flat-line to Fireworks begins with you feeling so hurt that you take an emotional time-out by promising yourself no more men. nn Like Sleeping Beauty, you close your eyes to dating and or resolving key issues with your partner, and soon your life becomes a flat-line, just like the ones on heart monitors in emergency rooms that tell physicians the heart has stopped beating. nn At first, you are so hurt that you swear off men. And if you already have a partner, you close your heart to him. Loneliness or powerful life events such as getting older, ill or losing a parent intensify and then overpower your hurt feelings. Now you run the risk of doing things you might regret—breaking up, having an affair, building a double moat around your heart to keep out your current partner or leaping before you love and going over that cliff with yet another inappropriate person.nn You might banish men from your life for a week, a month, a season or a year. Or, out of loneliness, fear, financial problems or the sake of the children you decide to stay with your man—but give up on love.nn More important than how many days you swear off men is your No More Men Mindset. The vow of no more men or love comes from such intense fears of getting hurt that you believe you cannot withstand the pain again. Avoiding intimacy seems safer than risking what feels like a mortal wound from love’s disappointments. nn You adopt an armor of toughness to hide and protect an often unknown core of fragility—and you fool yourself into thinking that wanting a man is a sign of weakness.nn So, what’s wrong with doing this? You rob yourself of the endless opportunities to learn about yourself, your needs and problems. When you cut yourself off from intimate, experience, you get interpersonally rusty. Even worse, you fortify your defenses and then convince yourself that since love stinks, it’s better to avoid it. You only end up fooling yourself—and cheating yourself out of happiness as well.nnn*** For Women Only: If you would like to be part of Dr. Wish’s research for her next book on women’s love relationships and get one hour of FREE counseling, go to her website and click in the Research box in the upper right and take the online research survey. Be sure to include you contact information and the word SELFGROWTH so that Dr. Wish can contact you.