In today’s world, success is something that a lot of people want to experience, and if they are already experiencing it, they can feel the need to experience even more. However, although a lot of people want to be successful, it doesn’t mean they all want to have the same thing.

For one person, success could mean earning a lot of money and/or having a fulfilling career, and for another, it could relate to having everything in place. In this case, it is likely to relate to having a good career, earning a good amount of money, having fulfilling relationships and experiencing good health, for instance.

The Reason

It could be said that the reason one wants to experience these things is because they believe it will allow them to feel a certain way. If how one believes they will feel through experiencing success is completely different to how they feel before they have experienced success, they are likely to have a greater level of attachment.

They are going to want to change how they feel and the way in which they experience life, and so being successful can then be seen the answer to their problems. The pain that they are experiencing can then be the force that pushes them forward.


However, while the pain they are experiencing can be an asset, it can also cause them to become overly attached. As a result of this, one can make it even harder for themselves to experience the kind of life they want to live.

This is because how one feels in each moment is having an effect on what happens in their reality. The reason for this comes down to the fact that one’s life is not only influenced by what they say or what they do, it is also influenced by what is taking place within them.


Therefore, if one is trying to avoid feeling a certain way, they may find that they end up having even more reasons to feel the same way. Through the power of their will, it might be possible for them to achieve things that will allow them to feel different, but these experiences could be short-lived.

It is then not going to be long until feel how they did before, and while they might take the time to think about why this is, they might end up trying to achieve something else. There is also the chance that even if they do achieve what they want to achieve, it won’t be as fulfilling as they expected it to be.

An Analogy

This is then going to be similar to one seeing a rainbow and then thinking about how amazing it looks, and then trying to catch it. But no matter how far they run, it is not going to be possible for them to get any closer to it

It could be said that they need to find the ‘rainbow’ within themselves, and once they have done this, they won’t try to achieve things in order to feel a sense of value. When this happens, it doesn’t mean they won’t want to be successful; what it means is that their intention will be different, and this means their actions will also change.


Their reason for wanting to be successful will be for them to express their true-self, and to live a life that matches up with who they are. It is not going to be to run away from how they feel.

And through having this approach, it may mean that it is easier for them to experience success, and this is because they are not going to have the same level of attachment. If they are unhappy, for instance, they may deal with this in another way, and not see it as something they can ‘fix’ through being successful.

A Different Approach

They might look at what they want to achieve, and once they have done that, they can look into why they want to achieve it. Through taking this approach, one is going to be aware of how they feel, but they are not being controlled by how they feel.

Whereas, if one just allows their feelings to define what they want to achieve, there is a strong chance they will end up trying to achieve something for the wrong reasons. One is then going to send themselves down the wrong path, and they could end up feeling even worse than they did before.


If one was to feel worthless, for instance, they may believe that the way for them to change how they feel is to become successful. This is likely to show that they are disconnected from their inherent worth.

Yet, even if one does have this outlook, it doesn’t mean this is what they consciously think about; they might just believe that being successful will enable them to feel good about themselves. However, even if they were to put all their effort into being successful and they achieved what they wanted to achieve, they might not feel any different.

External Value

This is because although they would have developed value on the outside, nothing has changed on the inside. But if one believes that their value is defined by what they achieve, it will be normal for them to take this approach, and it is going to be hard for them to understand why they feel the way they do.

What this shows is that the way for one to realise their value is not through attaining things, it is to let go of what is in the way of their inherent value. In this sense, it is not something that one develops, it is something they realise.


One may find that it is not possible for them to know what they want to achieve, and this may be a sign that they need to let go of what is in the way of their true needs. And if they are disconnected from their inherent worth, it is likely to mean that they are carrying toxic shame.

If this is the case, they will need to let go of the toxic shame that is within them, and this can take place the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group. They can also provide the support that one may need to connect to their true-self and therefore, to connect to their true needs.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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