Surviving An Affair - How Do We Restore The Trust?

When partners of a couple are asked to describe what are the most stressful situations in their relationship, the most commonly answer is the lack of trust which can take different forms especially when they are in the situation of surviving an affair.

Here are the most used comments women say about their partners:

"I can't trust him with money"

"He doesn't come home at the hour he said he would come"

"He tells me that he will do something and he never do it"

"He had an affair and now is hard for me to trust him"

"I can't trust him around women"

This kind of comments are indicating the lack of trust in a relationship. Although the trust between the partners is associated with feelings of safety, many couples do not know how to maintain this aspect of their relationship and much harder to do when they are surviving an affair.

Does trust is automatically guaranteed as being a part of any relationship? Can we be trusted without making any effort? If we lose the trust in our partner, can we ever regain it back? These are few of the many questions people who are surviving an affair are having in their mind and the answers are not that easy to find.

With the right ingredients trust can be restored, strengthened and maintained no matter of the partner's experiences even after an affair. Because one of the most important aspects that we are trying to regain when we are surviving an affair, is trust.

Many times we ask ourselves, what trust is?

By definition, human is a social being, so humans in general need to be around other people because this is the way we are build. One of the needs that can be satisfied in a relationship is the need of trust. The relation between people around you presume the communication of feelings, thoughts, personal emotions. Trust is the rational and emotional answer of one person to another in a relationship and when we are surviving an affair this answer is harder to find without professional help.

How Do We Restore The Trust Even When We Are Surviving An Affair?

1. You should constantly improve your communication abilities. Learn how to be a good listener. Don't interrupt, encourage personal reveals, repeat what you understand about what the other is saying, be approval with mimics and gestures. Be honest with yourself and with your partner especially when you are surviving an affair.

2. Take the responsibility for your own needs. Learn to express your needs in a more assertive, clear, specific and explicit way without upsetting the person in front of you. Often we do not express our needs for two reasons, one reason is that we are afraid of a refusal, or we are ashamed that we have such needs.

3. Be positive! Naturally we tend to trust people who are only nice to us. Generally people who trust other people, develop better relationships and people who are less trustful are more competitive, are resentful and irritable.

4. Learn how to fight fairly. Yes, conflict is a part of any relationship. The problem is not the conflict itself, but the way it unfolds. If you fight unfairly you will destroy the trust between you two and if you fight fairly you will strengthen the trust even in the case of surviving an affair. A good advice is to not start a fight, late at night when you're both tired and possibly with low control over your emotions because you will say painful words that you can't take back.