Psst! Abuse. Shhh!

Voicing openly on the subject of abuse is still largely considered taboo and best kept as ‘civilized’ society's dirty little ‘bully secret’. When you think about it, it’s quite inconceivable that in every society bullying as domestic abuse is more acceptable than unacceptable. In fact, there are millions of people who never admit to being ‘abused’; they either accept it as part of their upbringing or it’s so deeply hidden inside that they find it too painful to face so “it’s best not to go there”. Wrong!

These domestic bullies are also running and ruining our societies, bullying all of us on a grander scale, so we should speak out about it if we want to stop it.

Society’s position

The popular view of society when it comes to victims who are bullied in the domestic arena is to regard the abused persons, mostly women, as defected beings. They are promptly labelled as weak and powerless to protect themselves and/or their children and may be branded unfit parents. They are often piously judged as disobedient or unfaithful spouses who must have done something to deserve it. In truth, they are struggling to merely survive in the bizarre and volatile realm of enigmatic violent outbursts by their male counterparts.

The current solution of society is to provide emergency shelters and counselling after the fact for these damaged souls in a methodical and legislated manner. This is not to say it is a bad solution…it is to say it is a non solution. It is a band-aid that temporarily suspends an abusive situation and makes society feel good that they are doing something. The fact is, comparatively few women use these support services and some use them habitually.

The result is, all too often the rescued woman will tear off the band-aid just as soon as they are out of sight of their protective pundits. They lose momentum without that administered support and often revert quickly back into the deathtrap of bullied life – never to voice it again. That’s very sad…and sadder yet is there are many, many more women who don’t do anything!

It’s not to say that a band-aid can’t help fix some things, but a band-aid alone cannot fix anything; the healing comes from within the individual – and that’s why the abuse dynamic requires a closer look.

Abuse is in our face

Abuse is everywhere and can be as slight as tolerating an overt sexual innuendo from an insensitive creepy neighbour/co-worker as an adult or as harsh as being forcibly whipped by an elder as a child with a willow switch that you had to cut down yourself – or worse.

It all factors in to the mistreatment of your personal power by another person for no other reason than to belittle you in order to make them feel important – and it sucks! It not only sucks to be you at the time, but it’s an actual shock to your system that stunts the expressive growth you were experiencing at the exact moment you were abused – now you have to struggle to reclaim it.

This is where trauma is so similar and relevant to understanding abuse better; it’s like in a car crash where your body is traumatized and shocked by injury. And, just like in a car crash, the body and brain electronics suffer damage to varying degrees, affecting performance in emotions, thoughts and all five senses.

Such is allowing abuse: to be a car and continuously side-swiped by another mean car every time you try to go through a green light – you keep getting crushed and stall!

No junkyard for bad training

One way we can help to restore those crushed and stalled by abuse is to pull away from seeing them as broken down wrecks to be sent to the junkyard as scrap. Instead, see them as the next model of survivor vehicles and support their restoration efforts – customized engines and all.

Abuse is a learned thing – we can and should unlearn it. Trauma may come from shock, war, grief and more – we can and should overcome it. We can then teach others to do the same – even if only by example.

Author's Bio: 

Anything I talk or write about is experiential – mostly mine and sometimes someone very close to me. Personally, I’ve spent decades on self study, because I knew that child abuse had somehow stunted my ability to be truly happy. I also knew I had to look inside my heart and face the incredible pain if I was to change that. What I found beyond the pain is the most beautiful sense of universal love imaginable – and I left breadcrumbs at each turn to prove it.