Although someone’s physical self will be seen by others, it doesn’t mean that their inner self will typically be seen by others. In general, this part of them could be hidden and this will mean that what is truly going on for them will be a mystery to others.

Along with this, what is taking place inside them could typically be something that they themselves are not aware of. When this is so, how they feel and most of their needs will be outside of their conscious awareness.

Another Part

At other times, they could end up isolating themselves from others, which will mean that their physical self will be hidden. This can be a time when they will be in touch with what is taking place inside them.

Then again, this could also be a time when they are not aware of what is going on inside them. If they are aware of what is going on inside them, they could do what they can to disconnect from it.

A Painful Time

This is likely to show that they are carrying a lot of pain and losing touch with their inner world is a way for them to feel better about themselves. If they were to simply sit with how they feel, they could end up feeling very low and depressed.

What they could do, to avoid how they feel, is to consume something or engage in some kind of activity. Other than this, being practically always on the go could be another way for them to keep a distance between what is going on inside them.

One Big Act

When they are around others, what will be normal is for them to play a role. By not having a good connection to themselves, how they behave will be a consequence of what will allow them to please others and what they believe will allow this to occur.

Another way to look at this would be to say that as they are out of touch with their true self, they will end up expressing a false self. This false self won’t be guided by their needs and feelings; it will be guided by other people’s needs and feelings.


When they are not connected to themselves around another, it won’t be possible for them to truly connect to them. Their disconnected, false self won’t allow this to take place, and this is why they won’t need to isolate themselves in order to feel alone.

It could be a challenge for them to look another person in the eye too, with this causing them to feel uncomfortable. They might only be able to hold eye contact for a few seconds and then feel the need to look away or down.

Suffering In silence

At this point in time, they might be able to handle the pain they are in and to just about keep it together and function. But, there could come a point in time when they are no longer able to do so.

Yet, while they will need to reach out for support, they could do what they can to keep what is going on for them to themselves. This will take a lot of energy and they won’t be able to keep this up forever.

It’s Too Much

Based on how they behave, it will be as if they are in an invisible prison; they will be free to reach out for support and reveal what is going on for them but this won’t be something that they will be able to accept. Deep down, they could believe that the only way that their life will change is if they were to end it.

If someone in their life was to become aware of this, they could be shocked by what is going on for them and wonder why they are this way. As far as they are concerned, there could be nothing wrong with them and no reason for them to hide what is truly going on for them.

A Deeper Look

What this can show is that they believe that there is something inherently wrong with them and that the only for them to survive is by hiding themselves. If they don’t do this and were to express how they feel and their needs, so their true self, they could believe that they will be rejected and abandoned.

This is likely to show that they are carrying a fair amount of toxic shame and this will have permeated their whole being. It then won’t be that they just feel shame; it will be that they are made of shame.

Way Back

This is why ending their life can be seen as their only way out of the hell that they are living in, as this will be the only way for them to let go of the shame that they are carrying. If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, there is a strong chance that their early years were not very nurturing.

During this stage of their life, they may have had at least one parent who was anything but loving and supportive. This parent may have often been verbally, physically and emotionally abusive.

Straight In

As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place. Thanks to this, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and that this was why they were being treated like they were nothing.

In reality, how they were treated was a reflection of what was going on for their parent. In all likelihood, this parent was a deeply wounded human bang who was carrying a lot of shame due to how they were treated as a child.

Seeing Clearly

This is something that could go back even further, with this being something that has been going on for many generations. The truth is that what took place wasn’t their fault and they have inherent worth.

But, for them to gradually realise this at the core of their being, they will probably have many, many layers of pain to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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