What someone could find, that’s if they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, is that they are typically out of touch with most of their needs and feelings. Thus, instead of paying attention to what is taking place within them and allowing this information to play a big part in how they live their life, they will look towards others.

This is not to say that they will constantly be looking for feedback on how they should behave, though, as they are likely to automatically play certain roles. When this takes place, they will know how to behave without needing the all clear, so to speak.

The Same Experience

Nonetheless, regardless of if they are looking for guidance on how to behave or simply fall into a role, they will be estranged from their true-self. One will then be physically around others but their emotional self won’t be around them.

The outcome of this is that it is not going to be possible for them to truly connect to anyone, which will lead to a very isolated existence. Living in this way will result in one experiencing a lot of pain, pain that they will most likely be out of touch with a lot of the time.

A Defence

The pain that they experience through living what called be ‘an inauthentic life’ and of not being able to deeply connect to anyone, will be kept at bay by keeping their focus on the external world and even through different distractions. Over the years, a lot of pain will probably have built up inside them.

Every now and then, the pain that has been pushed into their body may come up, causing them to be in a very bad way. But, before long, it could soon be disconnected from and forgotten about, at least for a short while.

Another Consequence

Each time that some of this emotional material leaves their unconscious mind and enters their conscious mind, it could be even more potent. Like something that is pushed underwater, it will come back up with even more force.

Also, all the energy that is being held in their body could end up undermining their physical health as the years go by. This energy will be stored in their fascia, organs, muscles and their nervous system.

A Lot of Effort

Keeping all this emotional material inside them is going to take a lot of their energy and, what will also take a lot of energy, is for them to continually control themselves. Pleasing others, along with playing different roles, will mean that they have to stop a lot their feelings and needs from having an impact on their life.

The only time that they are able to surrender to themselves and to allow their behaviour to be defined by who they are could be when they are drunk or have taken something. Other than this, they will have to constantly monitor themselves and to keep themselves in line.

A Big Difference

Thanks to this, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they more or less become someone else when they are under the influence of alcohol or a substance. Their false-self or mask will have dropped and the parts of themselves that they usually keep under control will have taken over.

During this time, their mind will be out of their way and with it, their suppressive inner critic, and it could be as though they have been taken over by something or someone else. Once the effect of whatever it is they have consumed has worn off, they could be deeply embarrassed and guilty, wondering what came over them.

What’s going on?

The big question is: why do they need to take something in order to settle down and to express themselves freely? What this is likely to show is that experiencing life in this way is what feels safe.

If they no longer had an external focus and automatically played certain roles, they would soon come into contact with a lot of deep fear and even terror. To gain a deeper understanding of what is going on, it will be necessary to take a look into what took place during their early years.

The Foundations Were Laid

This may have been a time in their life when they had to be careful about how they behaved and to play certain roles. If they listened to their true-self and simply expressed themselves, they may have been physically harmed or rejected and abandoned.

Still, while this would have given them the illusion of control and may have minimized the harm that was done to them, it is unlikely to have completely prevented them from being harmed. Ultimately, due to how scary and unpredictable this environment was, they had to lose touch with themselves and to focus purely on what was going on around them.

The Past Is Present

Now, many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but a big part of them will still perceive life in the same way. According to his part of them, if they were to allow their life to be an expression of who they are and no longer tried to control themselves (mind over body), their life would come to an end.

When they were harmed or left, it would have been a terrifying experience and they would have felt as though they were going to die. So, although they handled what took place and they didn’t die, a big part of them won’t realise this and it will still believe that they need to behave in the same way to survive.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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