Although someone will be a multi-faceted being who has many different aspects, they could typically come across as though this is not the case. They are then going to be like a TV that has many different channels but only one channel is ever selected.

What this can mean is that they will generally come across as someone who is happy and as though nothing fazes them. Then again, they could generally come across as unhappy and as though just about everything fazes them.

Lop Sided

Either way, many other parts of their being are rarely if ever going to see the light of day. Ultimately, instead of acting like a whole human being, they will play a role that is very restrictive.

So, if they are largely happy, it can be a challenge for them to handle moments when it calls for a different response and the same will be the case if they are largely unhappy. If, on the other hand, they were more in tune with and could freely express themselves, this wouldn’t be the case.

An Analogy

It will be as though they have many different tools available but they are continually drawn to the same one. At times, this will allow them to get the job done, so to speak, but at others, it won’t allow them to do so.

Naturally, being this way is going to make their life far harder than it needs to be. Most likely, they are seldom aware of how they feel and they don’t consciously choose to be a certain way.

Stepping back

If they were to arrive at the point where they were sick and tired of behaving in this way and want to be more authentic, they might wonder why they act like a programmed machine. Now, if they typically come across as happy, they could be desperate to drop this act and to be unhappy from time to time.

Alternatively, if they typically come across as unhappy, they could also be desperate to drop this act and to be happy from time to time. Or, to be more accurate in both cases, they might just want to be in tune with how they feel and to express what is going on for them.

Another Part

Along with this, there could be other parts of their own being that they hardly ever allow themselves to embrace. For example, they could find that they rarely allow themselves to get angry or to relax and have fun.

They might see that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember. As a result of this, they could come to the conclusion that they were simply born this way and thus, will stay this way forever.

An Exercise

One thing that can allow them to shed light on why they are this way is to imagine that they are a more authentic human being and freely express themselves. In the beginning, this might allow them to feel good and greatly relieved.

After a while, though, they could end up feeling anxious and fearful and fear that they will be rejected and abandoned. If so, this will give them the need to go back to how they were before.

A Strange Scenario

They could struggle to understand why they feel this way as expressing who they are should be what feels comfortable. Yet, as confusing as this may be, there is the chance that it would make complete sense if they were to reflect on their childhood years.

This may have been a stage of their life when they were not given the support that they needed to stay connected to their true essence. Both directly and indirectly, they may have been told that certain parts of their being were not acceptable.

A Closer Look

If they behaved in a certain way, they may have been given attention and accepted. But, if they behaved in another way, they may have been ignored and rejected.

Before long, they would have soon learned how they needed to be and what parts of themselves they needed to hide in order to be ‘loved’ by their parent or parents. This would have caused them to disconnect from their true self, so their needs and feelings, and to develop a false self.


The disconnected false self that they developed wouldn’t have had access to their feelings or a number of their needs. This will have meant that, in addition to the role that had been programmed into them, they were dependent on others when it came to how they should or shouldn’t behave.

In this environment, being out of touch with themselves and playing a role would have allowed them to survive. This is not to say that this won’t have caused them to suffer as they would have been deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way,

It’s over

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but a big part of them won’t realise that it’s over. This part of them will believe that the only way for them to be accepted and not be cast aside is for them to hide certain parts of themselves.

For them to know, at the core of their being, that this stage is over and for them to reconnect to themselves, they will probably need to work through the pain that is inside them. This will be the pain that they experienced throughout this stage by not having their developmental needs met and their brain automatically repressed.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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