In general, someone could find that they have the need to keep people at arm’s length, preferring not to get too close to them. They could find that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember.

By being this way, they are unlikely to share a great deal about themselves. When it comes to what they do share, this could typically relate to surface-level things such as what they have been doing, what their thoughts are about something and what others have been doing.

Another Part

This is going to mean that they are seldom going to share what is really going on inside them, so their feelings, fears and dreams. This will relate to their true self; their essence, not to a role that they play.

However, they could still have moments when they share their physical body with another. While this will allow them to be close to them, it won’t allow them to feel emotionally close to them.

A Release

Having an experience like this will allow them to let go of the tension that is likely to have built up inside them through not experiencing intimacy but it is also likely to create another form of tension. As they won’t be able to share their inner world, they can still feel deeply alone.

But, due to the positive feelings that they are likely to experience during this time, this might not enter their conscious awareness. After the experience has come to an end or shortly after, though, this could soon change.

On The Outside

So, they are going to be a human being, on a planet with billions of other human beings, but based on how they often feel, it will be as if they are the only ones here. The deep sense of lioness that often consumes their inner world is going to make it hard for them to live a fulfilling life.

On the surface, it could seem as though they just need to spend more time around others or need more friends, but they could spend a fair amount of time around others and have plenty of friends. What will be missing is them truly opening up to others as this is what will enable them to feel connected.


If they were to think about dropping their guard and being real with all of the people in their life, they could soon end up experiencing a fair amount of fear and anxiety. This is then not going to be seen as something that is safe for them to do.

At this point, they could wonder why they feel so unsettled when it comes to the thought of opening up and letting people in. To add to this, if they have let people into their life, there may have been moments when they were deeply hurt.


If this is the case, they could believe that this is the reason why they are the way that they are. They could think of one or a few people who hurt them and gave them the need to protect themselves.

Nevertheless, although it might seem that this is the reason why they are this way, there is a strong chance that what has happened to them as an adult is a continuation of what took place during their formative years. Yet, what happened to them at this stage of their life could be a mystery to them.

Back In Time

If so, this is likely to show that their brain has blocked out what took place in order to allow them to keep it together and function. The memories and pain that would shed light on why they find it hard to trust and open up to others will be outside of their conscious awareness.

Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been physically harmed and neglected. This would have prevented them from receiving the love, protection, security and safety that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

A Natural Outcome

As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to defend themselves or find another family. One or both of their parents would have been seen as a threat to their very survival and keeping their distance, emotionally, if not always physically would then have been essential.

Their true self is likely to have withdrawn, with their brain automatically repressing how they felt, leaving them with a disconnected false self that allowed them to handle a dysfunctional home environment. The person or people who they needed to trust to be able to trust others wouldn’t have been able to provide them with what they needed and would have deeply hurt them on a regular basis, so why would they trust their fellow human beings?

A New Model

What will be necessary is for them to create a new inner model when it comes to what people are like. Right now, the experience that they had with one or more people will have been generalised and applied to everyone or just about everyone.

Not everyone wants to harm them but for them to know this at the core of their being and be able to trust themselves and others, they will probably need to question what they believe and work through the pain and unmet development needs that are inside them. This will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can real to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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