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Articles from Sheryl Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- Angels All Around Us - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2014 from Sheryl PaulThere is so much pain in this world. There’s personal pain that often takes the form of anxiety, depression, addictions, and intrusive thoughts. There’s the physical pain of illness, injury, and disabilities, both short-term and chronic. There’s relationship pain when we endure conflict with ...
Views: 1456 - Birth Trauma and Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen working with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, the essential component is to resist the gravitational and habitual pull to attach onto the stories that appear like planets in our inner galaxy and assume that they’re true. The story of the day – whether it centers around your relationship, ...
Views: 1420 - A Remedy When You Don’t Know Who You Are - by Submitted on Apr 11, 2019 from Sheryl PaulOur culture entrains us not to know who we are. From the time we’re born and continuing into our early years, we’re conditioned to externalize our sense of self through being told when and how to eat, sleep, play, socialize, learn. Although this may be changing, the dominant child-raising ...
Views: 1419 - “The Wisdom of Anxiety” is Coming Down the Birth Canal - by Submitted on May 17, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIn April 2015, I had a dream while on vacation in Los Angeles: Robert Johnson, the Jungian analyst who has informed so much of my work, came to me and said, “It’s time to write another book and it’s mostly written.” I woke up, faithfully wrote it down as I do with most of my dreams, then filed ...
Views: 1393 - How to Shatter the Myths that Are Keeping You Stuck - by Submitted on Dec 13, 2018 from Sheryl PaulA great deal of my work centers around shattering myths about love, romance, and intimacy that cause untold amounts of anxiety in relationships and sexuality. If we start with the very basic “doubt means don’t” slogan that permeates the culture of romantic love, we see immediately what happens ...
Views: 1324 - Nothing Lasts Forever - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2018 from Sheryl PaulFor all humans, but especially the highly sensitives, one of the most difficult truths to accept is that all seasons pass, all stages come to an end, all beings die. Just as the gorgeous peach tree in full-tilt pink spring bloom drops its blossoms to reveal summer fruit, then drops its leaves in ...
Views: 1319 - Call the Witch by Its True Name - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2018 from Sheryl PaulMy favorite fairy tale when I was a child was Rumpelstiltskin, the story of a girl who makes a bargain with an imp-like creature in exchange for saving her life from being executed by the king. First she gives the imp a necklace, then a ring, then promises her firstborn child. But when her child ...
Views: 1299 - The Fear of Getting Old - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe live in an ageist culture. It’s not only that we’re terrified of death and hurry to sequester the topic away under the nearest rock or stuff it into the closest corner; it’s that, in a culture that reveres youth, beauty, and physical perfection, we fear aging itself. We fear the lines that ...
Views: 1294 - A Tale of Two Moths, Dark Night of the Soul, and Sexuality - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulI met Andrea in my first round of Open Your Heart in May 2013. Every time she posted on the forum, I was moved and inspired by the depth and clarity of her writing, and her ability to transpose her inner world into words. When she shared this story with me over email, I immediately asked if she ...
Views: 1246 - This is a Powerful Predictor of Your Well-Being - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWe all have inside of us a well of Self. This is a fluid well that is continuously being drained and refilled by how we spend our time, depleted and nourished by how we move through our inner and outer worlds. When the well is full, we are resourced and regulated, which means we’re more adept at ...
Views: 1207 - Guilt and Regret - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2018 from Sheryl PaulLet’s imagine that there are invisible tracks streaming like ribbons in the ether of psyche. Some of these tracks resonate at a higher vibration and some move at a lower vibration. The tracks of higher vibration carry the feelings that emanate from the source of ourselves: sadness, joy, ...
Views: 1199 - You Can't Stop the Waves but You Can Learn to Surf - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAt the core of anxiety – whether health anxiety, death anxiety, relationship anxiety, or generalized anxiety – is the need for safety. As I’ve been writing about in my last few posts, left to our own unguided minds, the ego will latch onto our stories to try to gain a foothold into the ...
Views: 1189 - How We Love Ourselves - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe hear a lot about the importance of loving ourselves these days, and how we can’t love someone else until we truly love ourselves. While I don’t entirely agree with that statement (adult attachment theory shows that it’s through secure attachment to loving others that we feel loved and, ...
Views: 1165 - This is What is Embedded Inside Fear and Regret - by Submitted on Jan 15, 2020 from Sheryl PaulThis is a story about what happens when we forget to make room for grief around transitions. It’s a story that illuminates the heart of a highly sensitive person, and how easy it is to overlook and minimize the tenderness of our hearts. It’s a story of remembering my own medicine, and how easy ...
Views: 1165 - The Fear of Losing Control - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen we spiral down into the deeper layers of anxiety – whether relationship anxiety or any other form that anxiety takes – we find some universal root causes that live at the center. These exist on both the emotional and psychological/spiritual planes, and they all need our attention if we’re ...
Views: 1164 - In Bed With Fear - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe hear a lot about the power of fear these days, and the way we culturally/psychologically talk about it speaks to our beliefs that there are forces “out there” that are dark or evil that we need to overpower. In the early days of my work, I also spoke of fear in these terms, but over the years ...
Views: 1162 - Deconstructing the Family Story - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOne of the essential spokes of the growth and healing wheel is being willing to see our parents clearly. As children, we almost have no choice but to see our parents as infallible heroes and gods, and many people continue to carry these fantasies into adulthood. But if we’re to know ourselves, ...
Views: 1161 - Feelings Are Messy - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAs humans in an uncertain world, we seek certainty in a variety of ways. We ask questions that are fundamentally unanswerable. We ruminate and obsess on a single thought (otherwise known as intrusive thoughts). We Google and text and seek reassurance in a variety of increasingly technologically ...
Views: 1151 - Self-Trust, Red Flags and Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Apr 11, 2019 from Sheryl PaulJust as there are no rules for life, there are no rules for relationships. That statement can be triggering for the ego, the part of us that insatiably demands definite answers and craves formulas. “Tell me how to live and how to love and then I’ll know that I’ll be okay!” the ego thinks, then ...
Views: 1122 - How to Find a Therapist - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOn a daily basis, my assistant and I receive the following email: “Can you recommend a therapist in my area who is familiar with your work?” Sadly, I don’t have a database of like-minded therapists, and, even more sadly, I know that many therapists fall into the “doubt means don’t” mindset ...
Views: 1103 - This is the Most Common Statement I Hear About Sex - by Submitted on Dec 23, 2019 from Sheryl PaulI hear a lot about sex in my work with clients. I hear about their fantasies, their shame, and their shame about their fantasies. I hear about their arousal confusion, their sex anxiety, and their struggle with desire. I hear about the common arc of sexuality in long-term relationships: the high ...
Views: 1103 - The Most Powerful Medicine to Soothe a Rupture of Anxiety - by Submitted on Aug 08, 2019 from Sheryl PaulLife moves along in flows and eddies. The more you attend to your inner world and heal the long-standing and deep-seated pain and trauma that live at the root of intrusive thoughts, the longer the stretches of eddies and the time you’ll stand amongst the reeds, flowing with the small moments of ...
Views: 1085 - The Best Piece of Advice I Can Give You to Reduce Your Anxiety - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOur era has been called the Information Age, the Technology Age, and the Digital Age. But it could also easily be called The Age of Anxiety, for anxiety is rampant and can manifest in so many ways: social anxiety, test anxiety, work anxiety, relationship anxiety, sleep anxiety, fertility anxiety ...
Views: 1074 - Risk Aversion and Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulI’m standing on the edge of my life, as if on the shores of a cold but beautiful lake. I want to dive in but I’m scared, only the fear doesn’t sound like fear as much as doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, and ambivalence. What if I make a mistake? What if the water is too cold and I can’t breathe? ...
Views: 1067 - The One Essential Question that Lives Inside Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOne of the most challenging elements of relationship anxiety to understand is that, if you’re in a healthy, loving relationship with no red flags, the anxiety is projection. This means that the parade of intrusive thoughts that tortures the anxious mind and sensitive soul are actually pointing ...
Views: 1061 - Grief Neutralizes Thought - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe are addicted to our stories. The thoughts come in and take us away on their magic carpet promise of arriving in a land of certainty, where the vulnerability and pain of life can’t touch us. We learn early to climb aboard this carpet because, as young people, we usually don’t know how to ...
Views: 1057 - What If My Anxiety is Actually Intuition that Something is Wrong? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2019 from Sheryl PaulOne of the most common questions I receive in my work is: How do I know the difference between fear that’s coming from anxiety and fear that’s coming from intuition alerting me to a real problem? It’s the million-dollar question, the one that drives people to my site in a middle-of-the-night ...
Views: 1056 - "I Wish He Was Taller" - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2016 from Sheryl PaulI could have titled this post with any of the phrases I hear every day from my clients and course members: "I wish she was thinner." "I wish he was more successful." "I wish she had better skin." "I wish he was more assertive." "I wish she had a different voice." But this is the ...
Views: 1050 - When Fear Washes In: Health Anxiety and Death Anxiety - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2016 from Sheryl PaulFear is a part of life. Sometimes we can keep it at bay, but eventually, with certainty, it will creep in like a red tide on an otherwise calm beach. We try to run, but it's faster than we are. We try to hide but it discovers all of our hiding places. Eventually we realize that the only way to ...
Views: 1048 - Two Healing Words - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulLast week, I had the blessed opportunity of having a closure session in person with a beautiful woman with whom I’ve worked for almost six years. As we sat face-t0-face (as opposed to screen-to-screen) and the session’s minutes clicked toward the end of our hour together, I told her that I ...
Views: 1045 - Intrusive Thought: "What if I Harm a Child?" (POCD) - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen the same thought, image, dream, or motif shows up across cultures and crosses all of our lines of classification (age, gender, geography, race, religion), we call it an archetype. For example, the dreams where you show up at school without your pants on or have forgotten to study for a test ...
Views: 1043 - Am I the Only One Struggling with Anxiety? - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2018 from Sheryl PaulPeople often ask me why they’re struggling with relationship anxiety or social anxiety or any other kind of anxiety when other people seem to glide through life more effortlessly. The subtext embedded in the question is, “Is there something wrong with me?” or “Why am I being singled out or ...
Views: 1041 - The Intersection of Sex and Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIf you’re familiar with relationship anxiety, you know that it doesn’t take much for a flyaway thought to send you into a tailspin of anxiety that then leads you to question if you’re with the right person. This thought could be, “I’m not feeling in love” or “My partner always irritates me” or ...
Views: 1040 - The News and Anxiety - by Submitted on Jan 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe live in uncertain times, and that statement alone can send an anxious-sensitive personality type into a tailspin. But the truth is that we’ve always lived in uncertain times. Because death exists, our lives hang in the balance on this precious and precarious planet. The threats change faces – ...
Views: 1040 - This is What Actually Goes on Behind Closed Doors - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2019 from Sheryl PaulOne of the most common questions I’m asked is, “How come other people don’t suffer in this way?” It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about relationship anxiety, friendship anxiety, social anxiety, or any other hook that anxiety hangs its hat on, when you’re the one suffering it feels like you’re ...
Views: 1032 - At the Heart of Anxiety - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“The final stage of healing is using what happens to you to help other people. That is healing in itself.” – Gloria Steinem “Why me?” people often ask when they’re dragged into the underworld of anxiety in any form. “Why do they have it so easy? Why does it look like everyone else glides ...
Views: 1027 - One of the Most Powerful Questions to Cut Through Anxiety (Relationships, Health, Parenting, Friendship) - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWhen addressing anxiety effectively, we must attend to all four realms of self: physical, emotional, cognitive, and soul – or body, heart, mind, and soul. Attending only to one of the four realms is helpful, but it won’t help you heal anxiety from the root. By “attend” I mean we need tools to ...
Views: 1021 - Compassion or Comparison - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2016 from Sheryl PaulMy yoga teacher has said this phrase dozens of times, but one morning it went in differently and landed in the places where breath meets bone, where sinew aches with loss and the water in the pelvic bowl of my hips shimmered like a moonlit lake. The words traveled along ancient blood-lines to ...
Views: 1020 - How We Love Ourselves - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2016 from Sheryl PaulWe hear a lot about the importance of loving ourselves these days, and how we can't love someone else until we truly love ourselves. While I don't entirely agree with that statement (adult attachment theory shows that it's through secure attachment to loving others that we feel loved and, ...
Views: 1011(1 vote) - Remedies for Eco-Anxiety and Absorbing the Pain of the World - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2019 from Sheryl PaulThe topic of world and eco-anxiety seems to make the rounds in my practice every few months, and last week was one of those times. Between longterm clients, new clients, and course members, the theme was flooding the room. I’d like to break it down for you using the principles of my work to see ...
Views: 1010 - “I Wish He Was Funnier” - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOh, the list of thoughts that try to prevent us from taking the risk of loving wholeheartedly is quite long, but there are a few that always top the list, buzzing and darting in and around your ears like mosquitos in summer. I recently wrote about the “I wish he was taller” thought, and I’ve ...
Views: 1005 - “My Partner Isn’t Smart Enough” - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“One of the big traps we have in the West is our intelligence, because we want to know what we know. Freedom allows you to be wise, but you cannot know wisdom. You must be wisdom… The intellect is a beautiful servant, but a terrible master. Intellect is the power tool of our separateness. The ...
Views: 996 - Am I Connected Enough to My Partner? - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2018 from Sheryl PaulThe connection question is one of the most common spikes that darts across the screen of my clients and readers’ consciousness when they’re struggling with relationship anxiety. Do we connect enough? Do we talk enough? What if I feel bored sometimes? Is there a meeting of the minds? Do we have ...
Views: 994 - The Cycle of Healing - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWe learn and heal in ebbs and flows, spiraling around the center of ourselves where our true Self dwells. When we’re in a cycle of growth, we burn through layers of ego fears and touch into that core place of wellness where peace and clarity reside. Our hearts are open and alive and we can ...
Views: 994 - Dismantling this Offshoot of Anxiety Will Set You Free - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2019 from Sheryl Paul“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom,” said Kierkegaard as quoted by Mark Nepo, who continues with, “The truth is that every fresh experience has this dizziness of freedom that we have to move through. Every time we reach beyond what is familiar, there is this necessary acclimation to what is ...
Views: 991 - Nobody is Perfick - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen I was young, one of my favorite books was a collection of four short stories called “Nobody is Perfick“. I liked the first three stories, but it was the fourth one, called Nobody is Perfick, that captivated my attention. It was the story about a perfect boy named Peter Perfect. He always ...
Views: 988 - How Marie Kondo can Help You Fall in Love With Your Partner - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2019 from Sheryl PaulAnxious people aren’t typically the most easy-going people on the planet. Because our high sensitivity wires us for hypervigilance, which then causes us to scan the horizon for danger, we’re physiologically primed to have a more tightly-wound nervous system. Unless you received guidance as a ...
Views: 987 - Intrusive Thought: “I Have to be Single In Order to Heal” - by Submitted on May 17, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIt’s a thought that arises frequently for those struggling with relationship anxiety: “I have to be single in order to heal.” Offshoots and extrapolations of this thought sound like: • “I have to backpack by myself across Europe.” • “I have to live in a loft in New York.” • “I haven’t ...
Views: 982 - This is One of the Scariest Things Humans Do - by Submitted on Jan 05, 2020 from Sheryl PaulWhenever I meet someone new and we talk about how my 15-year old son is a pilot, they look at me sideways and say something like, “You’re a brave mom to let him fly.” As I’ve written about in other posts, allowing him to fly does, indeed, drag me into a regular practice of facing my fears and ...
Views: 978 - How to Excavate the Hidden Wounds to Help you Heal Shame - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2019 from Sheryl Paul“Whatever we have taken from them, the founding story of our lives, imposed on us by a mother and father who in turn inherited a faulty script from their own parents, isn’t even ours.” – Derren Brown in Happy There is an element of your shame that is not yours. It was drip-fed down through ...
Views: 977