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Articles from Sheryl Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- This is the Most Common Statement I Hear About Sex - by Submitted on Dec 23, 2019 from Sheryl PaulI hear a lot about sex in my work with clients. I hear about their fantasies, their shame, and their shame about their fantasies. I hear about their arousal confusion, their sex anxiety, and their struggle with desire. I hear about the common arc of sexuality in long-term relationships: the high ...
Views: 1114 - This is the Most Powerful Hijacker of Your Healing Path - by Submitted on Nov 21, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWestern culture places a premium on feelings in the form of moods. While we diminish the importance of experiencing difficult emotions like sadness, disappointment, frustration, fear and jealousy, we worship at the altar of moment-by-moment impulses. This sounds like: I don’t feel like ...
Views: 845 - This is What Actually Goes on Behind Closed Doors - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2019 from Sheryl PaulOne of the most common questions I’m asked is, “How come other people don’t suffer in this way?” It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about relationship anxiety, friendship anxiety, social anxiety, or any other hook that anxiety hangs its hat on, when you’re the one suffering it feels like you’re ...
Views: 1042 - This is What is Embedded Inside Fear and Regret - by Submitted on Jan 15, 2020 from Sheryl PaulThis is a story about what happens when we forget to make room for grief around transitions. It’s a story that illuminates the heart of a highly sensitive person, and how easy it is to overlook and minimize the tenderness of our hearts. It’s a story of remembering my own medicine, and how easy ...
Views: 1176 - This is What it Takes to Heal from Shame and Anxiety - by Submitted on May 17, 2019 from Sheryl PaulWhen I was in graduate school twenty-five years ago, we learned many essential principles and tools for becoming a skilled healer in the counseling arts. We thoroughly covered various modalities, including the depth psychological perspective that informs all of my work, and spent countless hours ...
Views: 789 - This is Why You Struggle with Relationship Anxiety - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2019 from Sheryl Paul“Probably the next important evolution of Western humankind is to find a proper container for religious life so that we do not unrealistically expect another mortal human being to carry this high value. In short: don’t ask a human to be God for you.” * Robert Johnson, Balancing Heaven and ...
Views: 785 - This Simple Mindset Shift is at the Heart of Change - by Submitted on Oct 27, 2019 from Sheryl Paul“Much of our anxiety and inner turmoil comes from living in a global culture whose values drive us from the essence of what matters. At the heart of this is the conflict between the outer definition of success and the inner value of peace. “Unfortunately, we are encouraged, even trained, to ...
Views: 872 - To Be Human - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulTo be human is to know that we are imperfect and whole: we will hurt and be hurt; we will feel disappointed and will disappoint; we will stumble and fall and get back up again. To be human is to remember that this being human is an experiment without a goal or destination but with a plan that ...
Views: 875 - True Beauty - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2014 from Sheryl PaulA few weeks ago I met with two women from my spirituality group. They had never been to my home, and as we stepped onto the deck to begin our meeting they both remarked on the beauty of our land. I found myself qualifying and explaining about the dirt and weeds: “It was a lot more beautiful ...
Views: 1609 - Two Healing Words - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2018 from Sheryl PaulLast week, I had the blessed opportunity of having a closure session in person with a beautiful woman with whom I’ve worked for almost six years. As we sat face-t0-face (as opposed to screen-to-screen) and the session’s minutes clicked toward the end of our hour together, I told her that I ...
Views: 1057 - Unpacking Intrusive Thoughts - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOver the years, I’ve worked with many clients who have suffered from the intrusive thought, “What if my partner is gay?” (or “What if my partner is straight?” for those in a same-sex relationship), and while I’ve written several posts on the “What if I’m gay?” spike I haven’t written about what ...
Views: 970 - Ways to Challenge Fear - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2011 from Sheryl PaulLiving with kids close to nature and on a creek, I find that my fear-mind has many opportunities to reveal itself. In spring, when the creek swells to river stature and rushes in white-lipped rapids, I worry that one of my kids will somehow escape through the gate and… In summer, as we gleefully ...
Views: 2176 - What If I'm REALLY Not Attracted to my Partner? - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2018 from Sheryl PaulThe following question is one I often receive from my clients who are struggling with the specific spoke of relationship anxiety that contains the longing to feel more love, connection, and attraction for their partner (and let’s remember that I use attraction or lack of attraction in the ...
Views: 882 - What If My Anxiety is Actually Intuition that Something is Wrong? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2019 from Sheryl PaulOne of the most common questions I receive in my work is: How do I know the difference between fear that’s coming from anxiety and fear that’s coming from intuition alerting me to a real problem? It’s the million-dollar question, the one that drives people to my site in a middle-of-the-night ...
Views: 1067 - What If We Don't Have A Strong Enough Connection? - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulThe following is from course member findingpeace28, who shared this on the e-course forum two weeks after her wedding. As soon as I read it, I knew had to share it with those of you struggling with relationship anxiety and, in particular, the connection spike, to offer you a lifeline of hope and ...
Views: 649 - What is my Truth? - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOn the last round of Open Your Heart a participant asked: “So if I don’t trust these anxious thoughts then what can I trust? If my truth was really that we are not right for each other then how would I know if I am teaching myself not to listen when doubts arise?” And then she wisely ...
Views: 929 - What is the Work of Breaking Free from Relationship Anxiety? - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulA coaching client recently said to me, “You talk a lot about doing “the work”, and I wondered for so long what “the work” was. I thought that if I understood anxiety intellectually I would feel better. And the first time I went through the course I did feel better for a while, which I know is ...
Views: 983 - What Should Love Feel Like? - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAt least once a week, a client asks, “I know that love isn’t all butterflies and fireworks, but what should it feel like? Since I’ve never seen a healthy relationship and I’ve never been in one, I have no idea what it should be like.” I usually balk at the word “should”, but I know what ...
Views: 948 - What You Choose Determines What Comes Next - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2018 from Sheryl PaulTransitions, as breaking and renewal points, offer choice-points that determine how we unfold into the next stage of our lives. Many people find me during their wedding transition when when they’re broken open not only by relationship anxiety but also by the earthquake of feelings that erupt ...
Views: 829 - What’s Your Running Commentary? - by Submitted on Mar 26, 2011 from Sheryl PaulAt some point in my counseling work, I hear a recurrent belief or thought that surfaces for my clients. It’s the belief that tends to wreak havoc on my client’s psyche, the one that’s been with him or her since childhood. Most people are so fused with this false belief or negative thought that ...
Views: 1533 - When Anxious, Start at the Beginning - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAnxiety is a messenger, a symptom, and a gift. I know that statement flies in the face of everything we learn about anxiety in a culture that is pathologically obsessed with eradicating shadow at every turn and consequently attempts to “get rid of” the symptom of anxiety as quickly and cleanly ...
Views: 925 - When Fear Meets Love - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2014 from Sheryl PaulWhen fear pricks the heart it flies in the face of every message about love we absorb from the culture: that love should provide a safe haven against the storms of life; that love should be easy; that love and fear are mutually exclusive, and that if fear enters the picture it means something is ...
Views: 1567 - When Fear Washes In: Health Anxiety and Death Anxiety - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2016 from Sheryl PaulFear is a part of life. Sometimes we can keep it at bay, but eventually, with certainty, it will creep in like a red tide on an otherwise calm beach. We try to run, but it's faster than we are. We try to hide but it discovers all of our hiding places. Eventually we realize that the only way to ...
Views: 1056 - When It's Time To Say Enough - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulFor those of you who are struggling with relationship anxiety, you probably saw the title of this post and wondered if I was going to talk about when to leave a relationship, and perhaps felt nervous that it was going to spike you. But hopefully you have enough faith in my site that you know ...
Views: 804 - When Love Makes You Flinch - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOne of the common fear-lines that arises when the ego is trying to deconstruct the idea of relationship anxiety and convince you that your truth is that you’re just with the wrong person is: “If what Sheryl says is true, why don’t more people talk about it?” It’s an understandable question, ...
Views: 895 - When Will I Feel Better? - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhen you’re neck-deep and soul-soaked in anxiety, when you’re having trouble eating, sleeping, and basically functioning, when the love you formally felt for your partner has been eclipsed by indifference, doubt, or numbness, when intrusive thoughts invade your brain day and night, you will ...
Views: 961 - Where Anxiety Hangs Its Hat - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAnxiety can hang its hat on almost any hook. It can focus on relationships, fertility, parenting, health, the world, money, career, death. Within each of these topics, there are endless sub-topics that lure anxiety into its lair. If we’re talking about relationship anxiety, for example, the hook ...
Views: 977 - Who Sits at the Head of Your Table? - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2018 from Sheryl PaulIn last week’s post, I wrote about the essential task of attending to our four realms of Self in order to find wellness and equanimity, and that in order to do this we need to have a loving, competent and clear inner parent at the helm of psyche. Just as kids feel safe when there’s an attuned ...
Views: 816 - World Anxiety - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOne of the byproducts of being a highly sensitive person prone to anxiety is that you tend to take on others’ pain and stories. This is particularly true if you had an enmeshed relationship with a parent growing up and didn’t learn to solidify the borders of your skin but instead became a porous ...
Views: 894 - Would You Like To Know Why Real Love Is So Scary - by Submitted on Mar 02, 2019 from Sheryl Paul“We are all made up of yearning and light, searching for a way out, afraid we will be shut in or cut off or repelled back into the ground from which we are reaching. This is enough to begin: To know, before all the names and histories drape who we are, that we want to be held and left alone, ...
Views: 977 - Yes and No - by Submitted on Jan 19, 2015 from Sheryl PaulSometimes an anger surges up in me about how abysmally this culture guides and takes care of its members around transitions. We expect engaged women and men to put on a happy face from proposal through honeymoon, ignoring their innate need to grieve the loss of their singlehood and honor their ...
Views: 2111 - You Can't Stop the Waves but You Can Learn to Surf - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl PaulAt the core of anxiety – whether health anxiety, death anxiety, relationship anxiety, or generalized anxiety – is the need for safety. As I’ve been writing about in my last few posts, left to our own unguided minds, the ego will latch onto our stories to try to gain a foothold into the ...
Views: 1197 - You Have to Love - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it ...
Views: 934 - Your Essential Goodness - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2012 from Sheryl PaulA baby is born. You gaze upon the baby and see an angel’s face, impossibly smooth skin still flecked with gold, hair like spun silk, clear eyes, and then the smile that breaks your heart into a thousand pieces. You see the incarnation of goodness, the flesh definition of purity and light. You ...
Views: 1558 - “Attachment and Flight” - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2011 from Sheryl Paul“Something valid and necessary takes flight when it senses deep attachment, and this flight also seems so deeply rooted as to be an honest expression of soul. Our ultimate goal is to find ways to embrace both attachment and resistance to attachment, and the only way to that reconciliation of ...
Views: 1490 - “I Married the Wrong Person” - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2018 from Sheryl PaulWhenever a theme arises in my weekly work with clients I know it’s important to write about it here. Last week the theme was: “I married the wrong person” or “It would have been easier with someone else.” One of the most important tasks for those on the road to awakening is to notice all of ...
Views: 865 - “I Wish He Was Funnier” - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2018 from Sheryl PaulOh, the list of thoughts that try to prevent us from taking the risk of loving wholeheartedly is quite long, but there are a few that always top the list, buzzing and darting in and around your ears like mosquitos in summer. I recently wrote about the “I wish he was taller” thought, and I’ve ...
Views: 1013 - “My Partner Isn’t Smart Enough” - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2018 from Sheryl Paul“One of the big traps we have in the West is our intelligence, because we want to know what we know. Freedom allows you to be wise, but you cannot know wisdom. You must be wisdom… The intellect is a beautiful servant, but a terrible master. Intellect is the power tool of our separateness. The ...
Views: 1009 - “The Wisdom of Anxiety” is Coming Down the Birth Canal - by Submitted on May 17, 2019 from Sheryl PaulIn April 2015, I had a dream while on vacation in Los Angeles: Robert Johnson, the Jungian analyst who has informed so much of my work, came to me and said, “It’s time to write another book and it’s mostly written.” I woke up, faithfully wrote it down as I do with most of my dreams, then filed ...
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