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Articles from Sam Vaknin | Selfgrowth.com
- Is The Narcissist Ever Sorry? - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Doesn't the narcissist ever feel sorry for his "victims"? Answer: The narcissist always feels "bad". He experiences all manner of depressive episodes and lesser dysphoric moods. He goes through a full panoply of mood disorders and anxiety disorders. He experiences panic from time to ...
Views: 2397 - Is the Narcissist Legally Insane? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2007 from Sam VakninNarcissists are not prone to "irresistible impulses" and dissociation (blanking out certain stressful events and actions). They more or less fully control their behavior and acts at all times. But exerting control over one's conduct requires the investment of resources, both mental and physical. ...
Views: 1152 - Leveraging The Children - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2007 from Sam VakninThe abuser often recruits his children to do his bidding. He uses them to tempt, convince, communicate, threaten, and otherwise manipulate his target, the children's other parent or a devoted relative (e.g., grandparents). He controls his - often gullible and unsuspecting - offspring exactly as ...
Views: 1037 - Masochistic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 24, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Masochistic personality disorder made its last appearance in the DSM III-TR and was removed from the DSM IV and from its text revision, the DSM IV-TR. Some scholars, notably Theodore Millon, regard its removal as a mistake and lobby for its reinstatement in future editions of the DSM. The ...
Views: 4440 - Misdiagnosing Personality Disorders as Anxiety Disorders - by Submitted on Aug 08, 2007 from Sam VakninWhat is Anxiety Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension, a kind of unpleasant (dysphoric), mild fear, with no apparent external reason. Anxiety is dread in anticipation of a future menace or an imminent but diffuse and unspecified danger, usually imagined or exaggerated. The mental ...
Views: 897 - Misdiagnosing Personality Disorders as Bipolar I Disorder - by Submitted on Aug 01, 2007 from Sam VakninThe manic phase of the Bipolar I Disorder is often misdiagnosed as a Personality Disorder. In the manic phase of Bipolar Disorder, patients exhibit many of the signs and symptoms of certain personality disorders, such as the Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic, or even Schizotypal Personality ...
Views: 1415 - Misdiagnosing Personality Disorders as Eating Disorders - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Eating Disordered Patient Eating disorders - notably Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa - are complex phenomena. The patient with eating disorder maintains a distorted view of her body as too fat or as somehow defective (she may have a body dysmorphic disorder). Many patients with eating ...
Views: 977 - Narcissistic Blame Game - The Guilt of Others - by Submitted on Jul 28, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Am I to blame for my husband's/child's/parent's mental state and behaviour? Is there anything that I can or should do to help him or to reach him? Answer: Self-flagellation is a characteristic of those who choose to live with a narcissist (for a choice it is). Constant feelings of ...
Views: 6352 - Narcissistic Injury, Narcissistic Wound, and Narcissistic Scar - by Submitted on May 25, 2009 from Sam VakninNarcissistic Injury An occasional or circumstantial threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack ...
Views: 13254 - Narcissistic Parents - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What are the effects that narcissistic parents have on their offspring? Answer: At the risk of over-simplification: narcissism tends to breed narcissism - but only a minority of the children of narcissistic parents become narcissists. This may be due to a genetic predisposition or ...
Views: 2943 - Narcissists and Psychopaths - Responsibility and Other Matters - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: The narcissist is not entirely responsible for his actions. Should we judge him, get angry at him, be upset by him? Above all, should we communicate to him our displeasure? Answer: The narcissist knows to tell right from wrong. He is perfectly capable of anticipating the results of ...
Views: 1499 - Narcissists In Positions Of Authority - by Submitted on May 19, 2008 from Sam Vaknin"He knows not how to rule a kingdom, that cannot manage a province; nor can he wield a province, that cannot order a city; nor he order a city, that knows not how to regulate a village; nor he a village, that cannot guide a family; nor can that man govern well a family that knows not how to ...
Views: 1799 - Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 30, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study." Some people are perennial pessimists and have ...
Views: 2226 - Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) - by Submitted on May 22, 2007 from Sam VakninObsessions and compulsions are about control of self (mental) and others (interpersonal). People with the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) are concerned (worried and anxious) about maintaining control and about being seen to be maintaining it. In other words, they are also ...
Views: 3745 - Paranoid Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 15, 2007 from Sam VakninThe paranoid's world is hostile, arbitrary, malicious, and unpredictable. Consequently, he or she distrusts others and suspects them. No good deed goes unpunished. Every gesture of goodwill is surely fuelled by ulterior, self-interested and uncharitable motives. Paranoids are firmly convinced ...
Views: 1593 - Personality Disorders as an Insanity Defense - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2007 from Sam Vaknin"It is an ill thing to knock against a deaf-mute, an imbecile, or a minor. He that wounds them is culpable, but if they wound him they are not culpable." (Mishna, Babylonian Talmud) Some personality disorders are culture-bound. Critics charge that these "mental illnesses" mostly serve as an ...
Views: 1044 - Planning and Executing Your Getaway - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2007 from Sam VakninDo not leave unprepared. Study and execute every detail of your getaway. This is especially important if your partner is violent. Be sure to make a Safety Plan – how to get out of the house unnoticed and the indispensable minimum items that you should carry with you, even on a short ...
Views: 817 - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2008 from Sam Vaknin(I use "she" throughout this article but it applies to male victims as well) Contrary to popular misconceptions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Acute Stress Disorder (or Reaction) are not typical responses to prolonged abuse. They are the outcomes of sudden exposure to severe or ...
Views: 1794 - Psychological Signs and Symptoms - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2007 from Sam VakninThe first encounter between psychiatrist or therapist and patient (or client) is multi-phased. The mental health practitioner notes the patient's history and administers or prescribes a physical examination to rule out certain medical conditions. Armed with the results, the diagnostician now ...
Views: 3366 - Psychosis, Delusions, and Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2007 from Sam VakninIntroduction to Psychosis Psychosis is chaotic thinking that is the result of a severely impaired reality test ( the patient cannot tell inner fantasy from outside reality). Some psychotic states are short-lived and transient (microepisodes). These last from a few hours to a few days and are ...
Views: 1081 - Reconditioning The Abuser - by Submitted on Jan 02, 2008 from Sam VakninCan abusers be "reconditioned"? Can they be "educated" or "persuaded" not to abuse? As I wrote elsewhere, "Abuse is a multifaceted phenomenon. It is a poisonous cocktail of control-freakery, conforming to social and cultural norms, and latent sadism. The abuser seeks to subjugate his victims ...
Views: 937 - Recovery And Healing - by Submitted on Mar 26, 2008 from Sam VakninVictims of abuse in all its forms – verbal, emotional, financial, physical, and sexual – are often disorientated. They require not only therapy to heal their emotional wounds, but also practical guidance and topical education. At first, the victim is, naturally, distrustful and even hostile. The ...
Views: 1527 - Reforming The Abuser - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2008 from Sam VakninHow to get your abuser to see reason in the first place? How to obtain for him the help he needs – without involving law enforcement agencies, the authorities, or the courts? Any attempt to broach the subject of the abuser's mental problems frequently ends in harangues and worse. It is ...
Views: 972 - Restraining Orders and Peace Bonds - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2007 from Sam VakninIf you want the nightmare to end, there is a rule of thumb which requires courage and determination to implement: Involve the courts whenever possible. In many countries, the first step is to obtain a restraining order from a civil court as part of your divorce or custody proceedings or as a ...
Views: 1483 - Self Love and Narcissism - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: What is the difference between self-love and narcissism and how does it affect the capacity to love others? Answer: There are two differences between healthy self-love and pathological narcissism: (a) in the ability to tell reality from fantasy, and (b) in the ability to empathise ...
Views: 2435 - Sex and Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2007 from Sam VakninOur sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one's sexual ...
Views: 1250 - Shame, Narcissism, And A Meaningful Life - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2008 from Sam VakninWe all have a scenario of our life. We invent, adopt, are led by and measure ourselves against our personal narratives. These are, normally, commensurate with our personal histories, our predilections, our abilities, limitations, and our skills. We are not likely to invent a narrative which is ...
Views: 5429 - Statistics Of Abuse And Stalking - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2008 from Sam VakninBefore we proceed to outline the psychological profile of the stalker, it is important to try and gauge the extent of the problem by quantifying its different manifestations. More plainly, studying the available statistics is both enlightening and useful. Contrary to common opinion, there has ...
Views: 1675 - Tell Your Children The Truth - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2007 from Sam VakninMost victims attempt to present to their children a "balanced" picture of the relationship and of the abusive spouse. In a vain attempt to avoid the notorious (and controversial) Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), they do not besmirch the abusive parent and, on the contrary, encourage the ...
Views: 975 - Testing The Abuser - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2008 from Sam VakninIt is clear that each abuser requires individual psychotherapy, tailored to his specific needs – on top of the usual group therapy and marital (or couple) therapy. At the very least, every offender should be required to undergo the following tests to provide a complete picture of his personality ...
Views: 1480 - The Abuser in Denial - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2007 from Sam VakninAbusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place – or rationalize their abusive behaviors. Denial is an integral part of the abuser's ability to "look at himself/herself in the mirror". There are many types of denial. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift blame or avoid the ...
Views: 1403 - The Abuser's Body Language - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2007 from Sam VakninMany abusers have a specific body language. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle – but discernible – warning signs. Pay attention to the way your date comports himself – and save yourself a lot of trouble! Abusers are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, impossible to ...
Views: 1408 - The Anomaly Of Abuse - by Submitted on Dec 18, 2007 from Sam VakninIs abuse anomalous – or an inevitable part of human nature? If the former – is it the outcome of flawed genetics, nurture (environment and upbringing) – or both? Can it be "cured" – or merely modified, regulated, and accommodated? There are three groups of theories – three schools – regarding ...
Views: 911 - The Avoidant Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with Gladys, female, 26, diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder "I would like to be normal" - says Gladys and blushes purple. In which sense is she abnormal? She prefers reading books and watching movies with her elderly mother to going out with her ...
Views: 1161 - The Borderline Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jun 25, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with T. Dal, female, 26, diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Dal is an attractive young woman but seems to be unable to maintain a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Her confidence in her ability to "hold on to men" is at a low ebb, ...
Views: 1585 - The Compulsive Acts of a Narcissist - by Submitted on Feb 09, 2009 from Sam VakninQuestion: Are there compulsive acts unique to the narcissist? Answer: The short and the long of it is No. In general, there is a strong compulsive strand in the narcissist's behaviour. He is driven to exorcise internal demons by means of ritualistic acts. The narcissist's very pursuit of ...
Views: 3171 - The Conflicts Of Therapy - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2008 from Sam VakninDisclaimer Statistically, the majority of abuse victims are female and most abusers are male. Still, we should bear in mind that there are male victims and female offenders as well. Ideally, after a period of combined tutoring, talk therapy, and (anti-anxiety or antidepressant) medications, ...
Views: 1481 - The Dependent Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with Mona, female, 32, diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder (or Codependence) "I know I won't actually die, but it often feels like it." - says Mona and nervously pats her auburn hair - "I can't live without him, that's for sure. When he is gone, it's ...
Views: 1321 - The Development of the Narcissist - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2008 from Sam VakninWe are born with abilities of the first order (abilities to do) and of the second order (potentials, abilities to develop abilities to do). Our environment, though, is critical to the manifestation of these abilities. It is through socialisation and comparison with others that we bring our ...
Views: 1523 - The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) - Pros and Cons - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, fourth edition, text revision [American Psychiatric Association. DSM-IV-TR, Washington, 2000] - or the DSM-IV-TR for short - describes Axis II personality disorders as "deeply ingrained, maladaptive, lifelong behavior patterns". But the classificatory model ...
Views: 4859 - The Dynamics Of Spousal Abuse - by Submitted on Dec 11, 2007 from Sam VakninImportant Comment Most abusers are men. Still, some are women. We use the masculine and feminine adjectives and pronouns ('he", his", "him", "she", her") to designate both sexes: male and female as the case may be. It takes two to tango – and an equal number to sustain a long-term abusive ...
Views: 1094 - The Erotomaniac Stalker - by Submitted on Mar 10, 2008 from Sam VakninThis kind of stalker believes that he is in love with you. To show his keen interest, he keeps calling you, dropping by, writing e-mails, doing unsolicited errands "on your behalf", talking to your friends, co-workers, and family, and, in general, making himself available at all times. The ...
Views: 2724 - The Gradations of Abuse - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2007 from Sam VakninIs sexual abuse worse than emotional abuse? Is verbal abuse less deleterious than physical abuse (beatings)? Somehow, the professional literature implies that there is a hierarchy with sexual mistreatment at its nadir. It is rare to hear about a dissociative identity disorder ("multiple ...
Views: 911 - The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2007 from Sam VakninIt is telling that precious few psychology and psychopathology textbooks dedicate an entire chapter to abuse and violence. Even the most egregious manifestations – such as child sexual abuse – merit a fleeting mention, usually as a sub-chapter in a larger section dedicated to paraphilias or ...
Views: 2466 - The Hateful Patient - Difficult Patients in Psychotherapy - by Submitted on Jun 14, 2007 from Sam VakninIn 1978, a medical doctor by the name of J.E. Groves published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine an article titled "Taking Care of the Hateful Patient". In it he admitted that patients with personality disorders often evoke in their physicians dislike or even outright hatred. ...
Views: 1850 - The Histrionic Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2007 from Sam VakninNotes of first therapy session with Marsha, female, 56, diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder Marsha visibly resents the fact that I have had to pay attention to another patient (an emergency) "at her expense" as she puts it. She pouts and bats suspiciously long eyelashes at me: "Has ...
Views: 3200 - The Masochistic Patient - A Case Study - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Sam VakninDisclaimer The Masochistic personality disorder was included in the DSM III-TR but removed from the DSM IV and from its text revision, the DSM IV-TR. This move was criticized by some scholars, notably Theodore Millon. Notes of first therapy session with Sam, male, 46, diagnosed with ...
Views: 831 - The Mind Of The Abuser - by Submitted on Dec 13, 2007 from Sam VakninTo embark on our exploration of the abusive mind, we first need to agree on a taxonomy of abusive behaviours. Methodically observing abuse is the surest way of getting to know the perpetrators. Abusers appear to be suffering from dissociation (multiple personality). At home, they are ...
Views: 1151 - The Narcissist and His Family - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2008 from Sam VakninWe are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception. The narcissist has ...
Views: 2376 - The Narcissist And Psychopath Getting Better - by Submitted on May 22, 2008 from Sam VakninQuestion: Can a narcissist ever get better and, if not, how should his partner end a relationship with him? Answer: The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a systemic, all-pervasive condition, very much like pregnancy: either you have it or you don't. Once you have it, you have it day and ...
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