Acquired Situational Narcissism can be induced in adulthood by celebrity, wealth, and fame. But, it may also occur in a variety of other situations. Codependents, aiming to fend off gnawing abandonment anxiety, can resort to and evolve narcissistic and even psychopathic behaviours and traits in ... Views: 2382
The Swiss psychiatrist Hermann Rorschach developed a set of inkblots to test subjects in his clinical research. In a 1942 monograph, Rorschach postulated that the blots evoke consistent and similar responses in groups patients. Only ten of the original inkblots are currently in diagnostic use. ... Views: 2376
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Positive feelings (about oneself or pertaining to one's accomplishments, assets, etc.) – are never gained merely through conscious endeavor. They are the outcome of insight. A cognitive component (factual knowledge regarding ... Views: 2331
According to Freud and his followers, our psyche is a battlefield between instinctual urges and drives (the id), the constraints imposed by reality on the gratification of these impulses (the ego), and the norms of society (the superego). This constant infighting generates what Freud called ... Views: 2302
New year resolutions are notoriously fragile and ephemeral. But victims of abuse cannot afford this cavalier attitude: their mental - and too often physical - health depends on strictly observing the following promises to themselves:
1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from ... Views: 2278
The need to seek revenge on wrong- and evil-doers is as ancient as Mankind. But people attempt to address their grievances in three ways:
1. Punitive-moralistic
The aim of this type of vengeance is to restore justice and, with it, the victim’s view of the world as orderly, predictable, ... Views: 2255
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
The abuser abuses his intimate partners, significant others, and nearest and dearest because it helps him to regulate his excruciating abandonment anxiety in 4 ways:
(1) By devaluing others, he restores his sense of ... Views: 2214
There is a delicate balance to be maintained between the need to process the trauma of divorce (to recuperate, heal, and recover) and the need to maintain the interpersonal skills essential to dating and, later, to bonding and pair-formation (pairing). The main problem may be the temporary ... Views: 2192
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence).
In both ... Views: 2190
Cold Empathy evokes the concept of “Uncanny Valley”, coined in 1970 by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori. Mori suggested that people react positively to androids (humanlike robots) for as long as they differ from real humans in meaningful and discernible ways. But the minute these ... Views: 2188
“I admire and support him. I am his biggest fan. I am his right hand and one woman audience. I am his best friend and his only source of succor. Yet, he constantly humiliates and berates me and abuses me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. What gives?”
He may be a narcissist.
The narcissist ... Views: 2099
There is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed - one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The torturer invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. He does so publicly, deliberately, repeatedly and, ... Views: 2060
Empathy is on a precipitous decline in the family and home environments. Technology is partly to blame, but so are other social and economic trends.
On June 9, 2005 the BBC reported about an unusual project underway in Sheffield (in the United Kingdom). The daily movements and ... Views: 2047
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
All told, there are three ways to manipulate the narcissist:
(1) To withhold narcissistic supply from him until he comes, hat in hand, begging for more and then you can name your price and dictate terms;
(2) To ... Views: 1994
We all heard the terms "psychopath" or "sociopath". These are the old names for a patient with the Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former. Indeed, the DSM V ... Views: 1991
I often come across sad examples of the powers of self-delusion that the narcissist provokes in his victims. It is what I call "malignant optimism". People refuse to believe that some questions are unsolvable, some diseases incurable, some disasters inevitable. They see a sign of hope in every ... Views: 1956
Clinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ... Views: 1925
Q. Would narcissists often try to restrict their partner's independence by reducing their access to shared family finances? Why?
A. Narcissists are control freaks, paranoid, jealous, possessive, and envious. They are the sad products of early childhood abandonment by parents, caregivers, role ... Views: 1879
Alan Pease, author of a book titled "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps", believes that women are spatially-challenged compared to men. The British firm, Admiral Insurance, conducted a study of half a million claims. They found that "women were almost twice as likely as men to have a ... Views: 1847
The ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders monogamy impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social ... Views: 1836
Most spree shooters are loners. They are either schizoid (with deficient interpersonal skills) or paranoid and even paranoid-schizophrenic (psychotic, delusional). Their dysfunction is all-pervasive: their family life, career, romantic relationships, professional and material accomplishments are ... Views: 1825
“Purebred” schizoids shrug off their disorder: they simply don’t like being around people and they resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle “choice” to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current social ... Views: 1819
What is the Difference between Healthy Narcissism and the Pathological Kind?
In my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", I define pathological narcissism as:
"(A) life-long pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of ... Views: 1812
From the dawn of history to the late 1950s, the collective had been the organizing principle of human affairs. The pursuit of happiness was channelled via collectives and even dissidents and rebels formed collectives to express their grievances. But, this old system brought humanity to the verge ... Views: 1803
Do you believe in UFOs and alien abductions? You may be suffering from the Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Do you believe in the immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary and in the resurrection of her son? Then you are merely a religious person.
In other words, it is OK to believe in certain ... Views: 1800
Lidija Rangelovska advanced the idea that some children subjected to abuse in dysfunctional families – objectified, dehumanized, their boundaries breached, and their growth stunted – develop intense feelings of shame. They turn out to be codependents or narcissists owing to their genetic makeup ... Views: 1794
"The new narcissist is haunted not by guilt but by anxiety. He seeks not to inflict his own certainties on others but to find a meaning in life. Liberated from the superstitions of the past, he doubts even the reality of his own existence. Superficially relaxed and tolerant, he finds little use ... Views: 1749
The Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts and then expands again as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.”
Why do youngsters opt to live with their parents rather ... Views: 1747
Why do some narcissists end up being over-achievers, pillars of the community, and accomplished professionals - while their brethren fade into obscurity, having done little of note with their lives?
There seem to be two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply ... Views: 1746
Pathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. These two emotions have little to do with each other.
Romantic jealousy is the product of a violation of trust; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy; and a denial of possession. It also involves damage to the self-esteem and ... Views: 1708
How to cope with your abuser?
Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers are ruthless, immoral, sadistic, calculated, cunning, persuasive, deceitful - in short, they appear to be invincible. They easily sway the system in their favor.
Here is a list of escalating countermeasures. They represent the ... Views: 1693
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
"Triggering cascade" is when a seemingly minor trigger results in vastly disproportional trauma.
Painful memories, replete with the attendant negative emotions, are walled behind mental barriers: combinations of dams and ... Views: 1691
Romantic relationships with intimate partners (significant others) are comprised of three components:
I. Mate Selection (Choice)
II. Relationship Model or Hypothesis
III. Termination Triggers
Mate selection is critical, of course, but even more ... Views: 1672
Traditional sex – the heady cocktail of lust and emotional bonding - is all but dead. In a culture of casual, almost anonymous hookups, suppressing attendant emerging emotions is the bon ton and women and men drift apart, zerovalent atoms in an ever-shifting, kaleidoscopic world, separated by a ... Views: 1670
Patients afflicted with the Factitious Disorder colloquially known as “Munchausen Syndrome” seek to attract the attention of medical personnel by feigning or by self-inflicting serious illness or injury. “Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome” (Factitious Illness or Disorder by Proxy, or Imposed by ... Views: 1656
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Patriotism is akin to the healthy form of self-love: it consists mainly of pride in one’s self-identity and values based on one’s culture and shared history. Patriotism is not exclusionary, but inclusive. The patriot, in ... Views: 1655
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
The narcissist can get better, but rarely does he get well ("heal"). The reason is the narcissist's enormous life-long, irreplaceable and indispensable emotional investment in his disorder. It serves two critical functions, ... Views: 1645
Until recently, couples formed around promises of emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity, uniqueness in each other’s mind and life, and (more common until the 1940s) virginity. Marriage was also a partnership: economic, or related to childrearing, or companionship. It was based on the ... Views: 1610
Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate, and control.
There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to ... Views: 1599
The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a new psychological construct. In previous centuries it was called "egotism" or "megalomania". It is an extreme form of pathological narcissism.
The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of the four personality disorders in Cluster B ... Views: 1580
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually ... Views: 1519
In the film “The Beaver”, the character played by Mel Gibson suffers from depression. He latches on to a tattered puppet in the shape of a beaver and communicates exclusively through it. The Beaver is everything its ostensible master isn’t: daring, creative, exuberant, omnipotent, and ... Views: 1518
"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."
Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)
With same-sex marriage becoming a legal reality throughout the world, many more children are going to be raised by homosexual (gay and lesbian) parents, or even bytransgendered or transsexual ones. ... Views: 1515
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children derive narcissistic supply from onlookers, friends, family, colleagues, and community by attracting attention to their role as saintly caretakers. They are demonstratively and ... Views: 1503
Teen Suicide and Social Media
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Social media and the devices that they run on are designed to be addictive, as many industry executives have confessed. Addiction is always punctuated by periods of withdrawal and its “cold ... Views: 1467
There is great confusion regarding the terms co-dependent, counter-dependent, and dependent. Before we proceed to study the Dependent Personality Disorder in our next article, we would do well to clarify these terms.
Codependents
Like dependents (people with the Dependent Personality ... Views: 1415
Well into the eighteenth century, the only types of mental illness - then collectively known as "delirium" or "mania" - were depression (melancholy), psychoses, and delusions. At the beginning of the nineteenth century, the French psychiatrist Pinel coined the phrase "manie sans delire" ... Views: 1415
Are all personality disorders the outcomes of frustrated narcissism?
During our formative years (6 months to 6 years old), we are all "narcissists". Primary Narcissism is a useful and critically important defense mechanism. As the infant separates from his mother and becomes an individual, it is ... Views: 1399
("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She").
We react to serious mishaps, life altering setbacks, disasters, abuse, and death by going through the phases of grieving. Traumas are the complex outcomes of psychodynamic and biochemical processes. But the particulars of traumas depend heavily on ... Views: 1394
From an early age we are taught (at least in the USA) that there is no limit to what we can achieve; that if we wish to accomplish something all we need to do is set ourselves goals and then apply ourselves to their attainment. With time and dedication, we are told, positive outcomes are ... Views: 1302