We often say that stress isn’t just something that happens to you, it’s a choice you make about how to react to what happens to you. In a sense this is true, but it is an unconscious choice. You’re not only unaware that you’re making a choice, but even that there are any other ... Views: 948
It’s official (in case you hadn’t already noticed): technology is raising our stress level precipitously.
In fact, Mike Kushner, co-owner of a computer solutions company in Palo Alto, California, has paramedics ready to respond to calls from what he calls the “digitally desperate.”
Some ... Views: 1024
Pause, breathe, choose: I remind my clients (and myself) of this sequence frequently, adding that the response we make to a stressful event is our choice, not a given.
To reach the point where we recognize other choices, it is important to be able to distance ourselves from the world and ... Views: 866
November can bring gloomy days, rain, and even snow. Some people love this autumn weather; others are less enchanted by it. Add in a few ordinary life mishaps and you can create deep gloom.
Here’s how to lift the gloom when you’re suffering from the “grumpies”, a discontented feeling that ... Views: 757
As 2013 approached, I felt, as many do, that I was being given a clean slate, a chance to order my life better – if only I could stick to that plan.
It has long been my dream to not only run my own business, meditate, and exercise daily, but also to resume practicing singing several times a ... Views: 740
Have you ever been caught in a race that never ends: one in which the big prize at the end is as far out of reach as it is when you started, and the small rewards along the way that might sustain you have gotten to be scarcer and scarcer? Perhaps the big prize no longer seems enticing, or ... Views: 993
It’s now official: MOVEMENT IS GOOD FOR YOU.
Oh, wait, you knew that already. And you’re doing it, right?
Well, not right now, but as soon as you have time.
Of course that time never seems to come.
But what if regular sessions of movement actually helped create time in your life by ... Views: 799
I hear it over and over again: “I can’t network. I’m an introvert.” “I don’t know what to say.” “I don’t want to brag.” A lot of people don’t like networking, but the bulk of them seem to be introverts.
I’m an introvert, too, and I’m also an entrepreneur, having to teach myself along the way ... Views: 892
85% of major illness is now attributed to stress. The figure is alarming because it implies that the responsibility for our well-being lies directly in our own hands, as in a way it does.
People who already have a major illness feel dismayed, and even angry, about the new emphasis on ... Views: 644
Defeat Time and Energy Bandits
Time and energy bandits are habits and thought processes that can suck you dry, leaving you exhausted and harried.
One of these, which particularly rears its head at the holiday season, is perfectionism.
Now perfectionism is a wonderful trait – in its ... Views: 887
(Last week I discussed the reasons for taking a risk, and the preparation for doing so. This week’s article continues with planned steps to gain the most from taking the risk, while minimizing the stress.)
General George Patton once said,“Take calculated risks; that is quite different from ... Views: 933
What immediately comes to mind when you think of rewarding or pampering yourself? Let’s say you’ve been under a lot of pressure and you realize you must find a release.
I asked a client recently what she would do if she took time to pamper herself, and she didn’t know. She hadn’t thought ... Views: 1074
We had a lovely speaker return to my women’s group last week. She is an expert on women’s health, and once again she provided us with arcane and useful information that we could have gotten nowhere else. She did it with such gentle grace and humor that we felt soothed and refreshed at the end ... Views: 882
“I used my extrovert skills.” “I had to learn some extrovert skills.” “Oh, well, I don’t have extrovert skills.” I hear these phrases all the time – and they drive me crazy.
When did the ability to be socially graceful or to display good manners become the sole province of one group of ... Views: 1729
Last week, I looked at the evaluations of a talk I had just given. One was excellent; when I glanced at the page, I realized the name of the writer. “Oh,” I remarked, “that’s just a friend.” The implication was that since the writer was a friend, there was something less valid about the ... Views: 993
It has been said that the bulk of aggression in the world is the result of poor communication. Sometimes the wrong words are chosen; sometimes the wrong words are heard.
In addition to someone producing a communication and another person hearing that communication, there is another layer: ... Views: 704
I was looking over the collection of greeting cards I have received over the years. All of them I treasure for one reason or another; one of them I truly cherish. It is from a friend who is very like me – in some ways. We both enjoy solitude, and can sit together companionably, reading, without ... Views: 710
Whether you are networking for business or for personal reasons, being an introvert can make the process painful. It doesn’t have to be.
My interest in confidence and its opposite, social anxiety, came as the result of a painful end to a marriage in which I had become increasingly socially ... Views: 1095
Time and energy bandits are habits and thought processes that can suck you dry, leaving you exhausted and harried.
One of these bandits, which particularly rears its head at the holiday season, is perfectionism.
Now perfectionism is a wonderful trait – in its place. Some of the places ... Views: 970
A friend and I had a conversation recently, in which she remarked that, when confronted with three side-by-side doors, she would always choose one of the side doors.
And I thought about that, because we introverts often slide along the edges of life, skulking. I suspect many of us make ... Views: 818
When I had a heart attack a little over five years ago, I asked, “Why?”
And my doctor told me that I had a high level of a rare form of cholesterol that sticks to itself and to artery walls like Velcro, making me three times more liable to have a heart attack than the average person. ... Views: 1339
As more and more attention is being paid to introversion, thanks to Susan Cain and her book, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” the world is slowly becoming aware of introvert value and, what’s better, willing to make some adjustments to accommodate introverts ... Views: 1215
Does worrying ever do any good? Yes, if it means that you are planning ahead. That is the work of worry: to foresee a problem and take steps to avoid it. Whether it involves getting your car checked before a long road trip, turning off the water to the outside of your house before the big freeze ... Views: 801
Some people like to linger until the very end of a party; others like to leave early.
Unfortunately, they frequently marry each other.
They may very well have met and been attracted to each other because of these opposite qualities: one represents tranquility, stability, and caution, the ... Views: 1003
After my talks, people often come up to me and say, “I used to be an introvert – but I got over it,” or, “I’m not sure; sometimes I think I’m one thing and sometimes the other. Can you be both?”
Actually, you can be both, changing from one situation to another, or changing over time from one ... Views: 1192
The wellness expert I was speaking to after her talk commented that she had almost been late for the conference. “I was stuck in traffic,” she lamented, “and I was really stressed.”
I asked her what she was worried about, given that the audience was a group of very supportive women who ... Views: 803
Everyone tells you that you must have a clear vision of where you want to go and who you want to be. Not everyone tells you exactly how – and how not – to get to that vision.
For example, suppose you want a life in which you are well paid and appreciated for your work. You want warm ... Views: 1149
What’s the real source of your stress?
Coaches and therapists will tell you that when people are stressed or angry, what they say they are upset about and what is the real cause are two different things.
If a driver cut in front of you and made a rude gesture, is the irritation you feel ... Views: 983
If you could do one thing right now to reduce stress, would you do it? Or would your overly-crowded life – too much to do, a loved one’s demands are more important than your needs, your job requires you to keep on working so hard – take over?Well, here is the secret to a healthier, happier ... Views: 864
In my last article, “Watch who you share your pain with,” I described several kinds of people who only make your pain worse by saying the wrong things.
I call them, collectively, Dementors, familiar to Harry Potter fans as creatures who suck all hope out of you. They may magnify your tiny ... Views: 1109
I heard a wonderful story last night, from a woman who has had a varied, interesting andfrom any standpoint, successful, life. Her secret? She didn’t know there was a glass ceiling! In fact, she wasn’t aware of most barriers that frustrate the rest of us.
Here is a story she told: At one ... Views: 986
When I ordered the tickets for the paddleboat cruise, I was told to bring the printed order form plus a form of picture identification.
We showed up at the dock, I reached into my purse – and remembered that I had put my major credit card and driver’s license into a small pouch the previous ... Views: 1095
A friend and I took a lovely paddleboat ride on the Mississippi River one day, past old crumbling brick walls backed by sparkling new skyscrapers, learning a lot of history that we had never heard.
The good time almost didn’t happen, due to a careless mistake on my part. That mistake did ... Views: 1086
If life was a multiple choice test, would you always pick the same answer? “Let’s see, it’s choice B. Guess I’ll go with that all the way.”
At least in a real multiple choice test, you can see all choices – usually four – laid out and you may even ponder them before you mark your ... Views: 914
Hans Selye, known as the “Father of Stress,” coined the term “eustress” in 1926. It means, literally, “good stress.” Is there such a thing? You bet there is.
When we’re underwhelmed by life, we seek excitement in anything from scary movies to amusement park rides; we crave new ventures and ... Views: 991
I meet people all the time who don’t really understand virtual learning, and are therefore wary of signing up for anything that is presented in this way.
What a shame; there is so much expertise out there that you can access once you become familiar with this increasingly popular method of ... Views: 924
Icons of black cats with arched backs are appearing everywhere, to be followed soon by turkeys in all stages, from on-the-hoof to lying down, legs in air wearing a golden brown crust. Can wreaths, holly and jolly fat men in red suits surrounded by elves be far behind?
Your memory bucket is ... Views: 642
I had occasion to explore this issue myself this week, when I discovered that somehow my utility company had switched the account number and name on the bill it sends to my home each month.
Confidently and proudly paying my bills online on the first of each month, I simply looked at the ... Views: 1178
We all know, intuitively, what research tells us: we need companions in life with whom to share both our joys and our pains. People who do not have anyone with whom to share tend to lead more stressful, less healthy lives.
Unfortunately, not everyone is an ideal companion for such sharing. ... Views: 947
There are real deadlines it’s important to meet: dialing 9.1.1. within seconds after witnessing symptoms of a heart attack or stroke comes to mind immediately, and an example that meets the true definition of “deadline.”
Responding to the urgent request of a loved one, especially a child, or ... Views: 1278
We all live our lives based on assumptions – beliefs we are sure are true about what we are capable of doing, what is acceptable for us to do, and what we think is inevitable. So where do those assumptions come from?
I thought of this while attending a play last week.
The central ... Views: 931
I arrived home from a trip recently and observed the same scenario I see every time I travel. When I get off an airplane, I step on the moving sidewalk and rest my carry-on bag on the moving railing, stepping to the right, just as the instructions say: “stand” on the right, and “walk” on the ... Views: 994
I work with so many overly-busy women who are stressed beyond belief, yet they still find it difficult to say “no” to the demands that come to them from all sides. Even when they are given permission, or even urged to say no to these demands by friends, family or managers, they still find it ... Views: 986
Some people take risks more readily than other people. And risks can be a little scary, whether they involve making a major career change and/or cross-country move, asking for a promotion or a raise, declaring your affection to someone else when you’re not sure how that person feels, or when it ... Views: 822
The “Hollywood Heart Attack,” where the character, clutching his chest, slumps to the floor immediately, does sometimes happen. But many heart attacks do not mimic this model. In particular, women’s symptoms of heart attack may be very different from men’s in both quality and severity.
It ... Views: 670
So many entrepreneurs are in for a rude awakening as they continue the search for the ‘EASY’ button. You know the ones I mean – they sign up for all the free teleclasses, free webinars, grab complimentary tickets to numerous events, subscribe to every possible newsletter out there – and still, ... Views: 716
A week ago, I was awakened just before midnight by an alarming phone call. The security company was calling to tell me there was an alarm going off at the historic house I manage (on a purely volunteer basis), and asked if they should send a fire engine.
“Yes, of course,” I gasped, surprised ... Views: 1104