You didn’t mean for it to happen. It started so innocently, with just a flirty conversation. Then it escalated to an emotional attachment. He so gets you, and you talk into the wee hours, if only clandestinely on your cell. And you feel so wonderful you don’t want it to end.
But the fact is, ... Views: 749
Most Americans think adultery is wrong. Almost 90 percent of men and 94 percent of women think it’s always wrong or almost always wrong. But many of those people have extra-marital affairs anyway. One of the most reliable sources for statistics is the National Opinion Research Center at the ... Views: 1031
The other day a friend tripped over her own feet, and I overheard her say to herself, “You are such a klutz.” A harmless putdown, perhaps, but with enough negative talking to yourself, you could create an unhealthy environment that works against you. This is an example of stinkin’ ... Views: 942
What is the greatest gift you can give your partner? What is the greatest gift that costs you nothing but time and effort? That’s the gift of understanding who she is. The gift of believing in her. Think about it. When your partner knows you “get” her, you are validating her existence to the ... Views: 943
Happy people make it a point to listen to others. They like to learn new things, take an interest in others and generally feel good when they listen. In the process of listening, they are also showing respect for others’ thoughts and ideas, and that, in turn, demonstrates their self-confidence. ... Views: 787
Co-dependency used to be a word reserved for those in a relationship with alcoholics or other addicted people. But the term has been expanded to include people with lopsided relationships—people who are partners, parents, family or friends with dysfunctional people. Dysfunctions can include all ... Views: 764
For the last few weeks I’ve been talking about emotional manipulators and the tactics they use to control you. The devastation these emotional predators can cause in your life is insidious and serious. These people can wear you down until you are a depressed, defeated shadow of the person you ... Views: 1123
Most people are empathetic, unless they have a personality disorder, and they understand that emotions are sacred. To be taken seriously. Most people agree that it’s morally unethical to toy with someone else’s emotions.
But some people—notably narcissists and psychopaths—find emotional ... Views: 1145
Last week I talked about how Emotional Manipulators (EM’s) make you doubt yourself, make you feel confused, and even a little crazy yourself. The result is you depend a little more on the EM and that is the whole point. Emotional Manipulators use all sorts of tactics to control you. To dominate ... Views: 1025
Are you afraid of conflict with your significant other or friend? Do you make bad decisions to accommodate him? Do you tell little white lies to avoid problems? Do you blame yourself for his dissatisfaction? Do you rush to pamper him when he becomes irritated? Do you sacrifice and give, give, ... Views: 1301
If you hate conflict, you could spend a long time stewing in your anger before you express it to the person who caused it. By then, your anger may have built to levels beyond reason. Or maybe you zipped off an e-mail, comforted by the fact that technology helped you avoid a face-to-face ... Views: 889
Do you continually believe you are a victim of someone else’s actions? Do you choose to feel oppressed? Is bad luck or lack of fairness the source of your problems?
If so, you may have a victim mentality. If you do, you probably find temporary solace in your self-pity. Friends and family may ... Views: 1989
What’s your idea of love? Is it when you want the best for someone else? When you give up putting your own self first to focus on another’s feelings, desires, needs? When you give your whole self—heart, mind and soul—to another?
Scientists have made great progress in understanding love ... Views: 747
Apologies are an important component of repairing a relationship, but they only work if the apology is heartfelt. Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry you misunderstood,” may only exacerbate the problem and make your partner madder. For an apology to begin to work, it must be ... Views: 739
Every relationship suffers from moments of disappointment. He brushes you off when you’re opening your heart to him. She is always late and makes you wait for her. And these are just the small things—not nearly as painful as infidelity, for example. But the small things add up and pretty soon ... Views: 989
Why is it so hard for some men to utter those healing words, “I’m sorry”? And why is it so important to a woman to hear them?
It seems men and women look at apologies from different perspectives. Some women, when they apologize, feel really good that they’ve made a positive effort to mend the ... Views: 979
If your partner is depressed, your relationship suffers, and may even cause you to feel a bit depressed yourself. If you have trouble determining whether your partner is depressed, take heart. You’re not alone. The word ‘depression’ has been used to describe everything from being in a bad mood ... Views: 820
Are you living in a situation that is unreal to you? Did you think you would have a good life with your partner, but instead, you suffer emotional pain? Does your relationship, which looked so attractive at first, turn out to make you miserable? Even while other people might look on your ... Views: 977
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But names can never hurt me.
This childhood ditty may be one reason some people are slow to understand that verbal or emotional abuse is as detrimental as it truly is. After all, words are not as bad as physical blows, are they? But consider this: ... Views: 988
There’s a great scene in a Woody Allen movie where a couple is seeing a counselor. Simultaneously the male complains that the couple never has sex while the female complains they have constant sex. The reason the scene is funny is because it contains a bit of truth to it. Few couples are ... Views: 866
There are all sorts of reasons couples’ sex lives have stalled. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of identifying where you got off track so you can make adjustments to resume a satisfying sex life. But in the end, there is really one main reason couples don’t have sex:
It’s not enjoyable. The ... Views: 863
A healthy sexual relationship is an integral part of a fulfilling partnership, which is reason enough to make good sex a worthy pursuit. The trouble is, while sex often provides great pleasure, it can just as often provoke stress. Are you satisfying your partner? Are your sexual encounters ... Views: 833
Taking care of the elderly is becoming a reality for more and more people. Often frustration is an integral part of that task, especially if the elderly person is afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. The question is, how do you deal with a certain amount of inevitable frustration and ... Views: 765
We don’t want to lie. We love our partner. We understand a good relationship is built on trust, and that trust depends on our honesty. But sometimes we lie anyway. Why do we do it?
For one thing, we’re not perfect. Our partners expect certain behavior from us (and we from them) and when we ... Views: 1091
“A truth that’s told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.” – William Blake
In recent articles I’ve talked about the importance of honest communication in good relationships. It’s essential that our partners understand us, know how we feel, how we might react to certain ... Views: 751
I’ve been talking the last couple of weeks about happy couples. Although everyone’s different, there are certain patterns that recur among those who have solid, happy relationships. They’re friends, they laugh together, they pay attention to one another, and they communicate well. What ... Views: 861
You’d think it would go without saying that happy couples like each other. You have to like someone before you can love them. And happy couples love each other. They share a good laugh frequently and often. They pay attention to one another.
They communicate.
It doesn’t always have to be ... Views: 937
Norman and Norma Burmah, at 102 and 99, have the longest marriage—82 years—on record in the United States. Imagine if they were unhappily married. What a long and dismal sentence that would be. While I don’t know how happily married they are, I do know what they and others do when they are in a ... Views: 733
A friend’s husband told her early in their relationship that there was no need to fight. He said, “Everyone tells you to learn to fight fair. But I say, we don’t fight at all.” Always a coward in the face of conflict, she thought that was great. And they don’t fight, meaning they don’t throw ... Views: 949
There are as many reasons for troubled marriages as there are people in them. Surely infidelity is a big one. One partner’s selfishness is another. Disrespect for your partner’s opinions and feelings will certainly damage a relationship, as will a lack of emotional intimacy, communication and ... Views: 983
Abraham Lincoln did not attend his father’s funeral. When Abe was nine years old, his father, Thomas, left him and his sister for six months in their backwoods cabin in the charge of their 20-year-old cousin, Dennis Hanks. During that time, they often went hungry and barely scraped by. Later, ... Views: 979
When you are a close relative, partner or friend of a person who suffers from Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD), you suffer too. People with NPD have an escalated sense of their superiority and importance in the world and a constant need for attention and admiration. They often have little ... Views: 1127
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was renowned for his beauty and was so proud that he scorned those who loved him. Instead, he fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, and could not leave the image of himself. Finally, he died, unable to tear himself away. His fixation with himself ... Views: 746
What does it mean to have a borderline personality disorder (BPD)? Basically a person with this condition has unstable or turbulent emotions that can sometimes make them act on impulse and encounter trouble in their relationships.
So what else is new? Don’t we all have a certain amount of ... Views: 2518
Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are so pervasive that about a third of Americans have someone close to them who has the problem. This means legions of people have relationships that are stressful at best, and damaging at worst. If your spouse is an alcoholic then alcoholism is bound to affect you ... Views: 1106
The most severe form of problem drinking is alcoholism. This goes beyond alcohol abuse—alcoholics physically depend on alcohol to function. Without it, your body responds with withdrawal symptoms like the shakes, depression, nausea, irritability, sweating, anxiety. These are serious danger signs ... Views: 906
Did you grow up in a household where cocktail hour was a nightly affair? Do you cope with stress by having a glass of wine? Or two? Do your friends drink heavily?
The causes of alcoholism and alcohol abuse are not precisely known, but they usually result from a combination of factors like ... Views: 891
The very words ‘sex addiction’ are controversial. It’s a term that some are not certain is a legitimate designation. But a Newsweek article (November 25, 2011) declared sex addiction a national epidemic, estimating about 9 million Americans—or 3 to 5 percent of the population—suffer from ... Views: 955
Couples who learn to actively, mindfully listen to one another have a better chance of having a deep, intimate relationship. It makes sense: When you listen well enough to understand your partner’s point of view, you understand him or her better, and the bond between you strengthens.
So how ... Views: 2003
Ever heard the expression “Listen up?” Sometimes coaches say it when their team is in a huddle. They want everyone to pay particular attention to their message. Listen up. Lift your chin up; direct your gaze up into my eyes. Listen carefully and hear what I’m saying. Listen up.
How often do ... Views: 2152
When you make New Year’s resolutions, do you feel defeated before you start? Many people don’t even bother to articulate resolutions since so many often fail. But if you make resolutions with your partner, you can support each other, and your chances of success improve significantly.
The ... Views: 603
It’s easy to guess the number one New Year’s resolution of 2012—Lose Weight. Others in the top ten included Enjoy Life to the Fullest, Spend More Time with Family, Help Others in Their Dreams, and Fall in Love. What do these resolutions have in common? All have to do with relationships, often ... Views: 634
When a terrible tragedy strikes, as it did recently in a Connecticut kindergarten classroom, our hearts break. We don’t know how to mend. If we are directly affected by the tragedy, then professional counseling is imperative. But we also need to pay attention to our feelings, however tenuous our ... Views: 842
People suffering from anxiety are often proponents of Murphy’s Law—anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Around the holidays, when we are so busy with many more tasks than usual, there is more potential for something to go wrong. And for couples, one or both of whom may be anxious, that goes ... Views: 816
Have you ever told yourself your body’s too fat, your hair’s too thin, that you’re a terrible mother, that you’re not disciplined enough, smart enough, kind enough? Do you have an inner voice that’s unjustifiably critical?
Critical inner voices can be detrimental to you in a number of ways ... Views: 1280
Many people I know don’t find joy in the holidays. Too much stress and work. The chores of cooking, shopping and cleaning are often multiplied during the holidays, leaving you feeling put-upon and resentful. One year a friend had a tree trimming dinner party, and she wouldn’t give her guests ... Views: 1669
Today’s society offers no shortage of sexual and erotic material that is easily accessible to interested consumers. More than ever, we are inundated with images, written words, and discussions of what sex is and what sex could be. Sexual fantasies exist in the minds of all of us, but finding ... Views: 1044
Women support each other under stress. How can men handle it more effectively?
Lets start with some basics: Stress affects both men and women. But growing evidence suggests that women do a better job of getting support from others, and in general, they manage stress more effectively. Take a ... Views: 846
Are you stuck in unrealistic sexpectations? Or ready to create a new language of love?
Is your marriage or relationship bogged down in unrealistic sexpectations? Do your attitudes about your body, frequency of intercourse, sexual preferences, and assumptions about orgasm create distance and ... Views: 852
Addressing the needs of the gay and lesbian communities starts with a healthy perspective
In certain sectors of our society, being gay or lesbian is seen as unnatural, a disorder, or an aberration—to be diagnosed, accepted as wrong, and cured. Unfortunately, even a small minority of mental ... Views: 1200