Warning! Marital affairs can seriously damage your emotional health!

The profound and powerful emotions, experienced upon discovering a marital affair, can cause significant emotional damage to the person experiencing them, if they are not handled properly. How can you handle the strong emotions triggered by a husband’s infidelity? Closing down and effectively shutting out anyone who can help is not the answer.
Marital affairs are devastating for those involved, but should not result in a woman distancing herself from friends and family; support is critical at this time. Asking for help may be difficult for a very private person, and the discovery of a marital affair can leave the betrayed wife feeling exposed and raw with emotion. Withdrawal into a private, secret world is frequently the way people deal with extreme hurt, but it may exacerbate the problem, leaving the person even more scared and lonely. Research has shown that, “Bottling up negative emotions seems to tie up resources of the immune system.” This means that people who bottle up their emotions are more likely to find it harder to fight off infection and illness. Emotional healing is helped by taking proactive steps towards recovery, moving forwards, not retreating into the past.

Boost your emotional health with these 4 steps

STEP 1 – Talk to someone
One of the additional problems of marital affairs is finding someone to talk to who is not affected by the affair. The act of voicing one’s emotions is therapeutic and sharing a problem alleviates some of the feelings of burden and inability to cope. Ideally, someone trained in the science of therapy such as a counselor, is best placed to help the betrayed wife to deal with these raw emotions. Alternative good listeners are local ministers, priests, and rabbis. The clergy are only too used to matters of infidelity, they will not judge, but they may help with the process of clarifying feelings and determining a course of action.

STEP 2- Get outside
A person suffering from the shock of discovering infidelity will often physically as well as emotionally retreat from the world. They lock themselves in their rooms, crying and refusing to speak to anybody. This is not healthy. Emotional shock can have physical consequences, and the body needs to be treated as if it were recovering from an illness, with strategies to restore good health.
Fresh air is good for you, it clears the lungs, increases the oxygen to the body, and therefore the energy available for the body to use. Being outside is a positive distraction from the misery of betrayal and exercise releases endorphins, the “happy hormones”, which actually have a positive effect on ones state of mind. It is not uncommon for victims of marital affairs to take up gym membership or to join a tennis club to help get over the pain and restore their emotional equilibrium.

STEP 3 Watch what you eat
Loss of appetite is a common side effect of the discovery of infidelity, though some people choose to over eat unhealthily. The emotional rollercoaster that results from marital affairs is draining, and there is a literal need to keep one’s strength up. Bananas are good for sustained energy and grapes, that staple of hospital patients, are easy to eat and a good source of vitamin C which helps to protect against illness.
Drinking plenty of fluids is advisable but alcohol should be avoided; it is a depressant and will have a negative effect on the emotions. Eating little but often is the best course of action, so good foods are fruit smoothies, yoghourts, and energy bars, as they are sustaining and require little effort to prepare.

STEP 4 Take time off from the emotions
Experiencing the raw emotions of betrayal, crying all day and reliving the moment of discovery is an exhausting way to go on. At some point it is important to step back from the emotions, and be totally and utterly selfish. Husbands have marital affairs all over the world, they cheat on their wives and then often want forgiveness, but the wives are in too much pain to even talk to them; they need a break from the intensity of the emotions. At this point, self indulgence is to be recommended; a trashy movie the husband would hate; scruffy clothes to feel comfortable in and a large tub of ice cream are perfectly acceptable distractions from the horrors of discovering ones’ husband’s infidelity! There will be plenty of time to go back to the pain, but it is not necessary to deal with this alone; there are a lot of very good organizations that can help the victims of a marital affair.