What Can You Do if Your Spouse is in An Emotional Affair?

An emotional affair can have a devastating effect on your marriage, but there are ways to survive the breach if you are willing to make the effort. When you discover an emotional affair, the steps you take next can make the difference between making your marriage stronger and tearing it apart.

What NOT to do When Your Wife is Having an Emotional Affair:

1. Don't accuse her of having a physical affair, this will only drive her away and make the situation worse. 2. Do start finding ways to reconnect with her on an emotional level. 3. Don't blame her job or friends for the affair, you will only push her further away. 4. Do spend time reminding her of why you got married in the first place- spend time with family and mutual friends, recreate your first date, or surprise her at work with flowers. 5. Don't snoop- there are some questions better left unanswered, and you will only become more hurt by what you find.

What NOT to do When Your Husband is Having an Emotional Affair:

1. Don't confront him at work or in front of family or friends- a public confrontation will only make him more secretive. 2. Do find a private time to tell him you are hurt but would like to find ways to make things work because you love him and want your marriage to work. 3. Don't make ultimatums- telling him he can never see or speak to the other person in the affair will only make him more likely to hide things from you or force him to make a choice you won't like. 4. Do spend time caring for yourself- you can't be an effective part of your marriage if you don't love yourself first. 5. Don't yell, throw things, or slam doors, doing so will only make you both more hurt and upset.

Steps for Emotional Infidelity Recovery

The first step is to deal with the unfaithfulness head on. The beginning steps are often the most difficult. Often times, find time alone without the judgments, suggestion and guidance from others outside of the relationship are the best. Getting a clear head in order to form a plan of action, and deal with the pain, is vital. During the first moments of acknowledgment, the flurry of feelings will be difficult to overcome; intense rage, followed by the desire to hurt the unfaithful spouse will be overwhelming at times. This is normal. After dealing with the initial shock and hurt, the real work begins. Understanding why that infidelity occurred and retracing troubled aspects within the relationship must be addressed before further healing can commence. There must be a comprehension of where infidelity begins and how it can be prevented. This step requires honesty from both partners and the ability to accept and change problems between both partners. The third step is to resolve whether or not the marriage can be repaired. There must be a complete separation from the unfaithful spouse and his or her lover, while also the admission that there is still love within the marriage itself and that both people want to restore the relationship. Both individuals must be willing to contribute to the infidelity recovery process. rnIt is possible to recover after an emotional affair, but only if you are willing to open your heart and begin building an affair-proof marriage.