After being crushed by the discovery of your husband's infidelity, it's normal to feel a range of emotions like extreme emotional pain and grief. Understandably you want to make the hurt go away so that you can live again.

But the question you should really be asking is not when the pain will go away, but rather how you can make it go away. Yes, with time the pain will lessen. But just waiting on time alone and not actively working to heal the pain of infidelity is not going to do you any good.

I can tell you from personal experience that learning of your spouse's betrayal can turn a normal, sound person into an emotional wreck pretty quickly. You can become so distraught that you cannot concentrate on anything else except the affair. It consumes your every waking moment.

You want to, but it seems that you just can't shake the overwhelming feeling of grief and sadness that has taken hold of you and keeps you from functioning day to day. You may even get to the point where you just feel like giving up on life altogether.

Ask most experts and they'll tell you there are specific steps both the cheater and the betrayed spouse need to take in order to heal after an affair and rebuild a more meaningful relationship. Follow the protocol and you will heal from the devastation.

What will happen if you don't do anything?

If you do nothing, the pain could go on forever. As a matter of fact, the pain of your husband's infidelity can burden you for years to come if you don't actively seek out guidance to deal with it. In order for you to move on, you need to find a way to let go of the pain and all the other negative feelings that are crushing and exhausting you.

Where do you start?

At this point you may have no idea how to process your painful emotions and thoughts. So let's talk about some ways to do that. At a time when your emotions are in overdrive, you may not feel up to doing anything or making any decisions. You may not even feel like getting out of bed or eating. But do these things you must for the health of both you and your marriage.

Here some things that you can do to get yourself functioning again:

Look after yourself first. You need every bit of strength (both emotional and physical) to deal with this crisis. Start eating healthy foods, not junk foods. Now I know you may not feel like eating or up to cooking, but make yourself do it. Do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or even a day at the spa.

Exercise. Do some form of exercise, whether that be walking, running or joining a gym. It will take your mind off things for a bit and it'll also do you good, both physically and emotionally.

Tap into your support network. You can also pour your heart out to a trusted and supportive friend, family member or even your clergy. Join an infidelity forum on the Internet where you can tell your story and get encouragement and support from people who are going through the same things that you are going through right now.

Get individual counseling. Talking to a trained professional can really help you put things into perspective, and you can freely express your thoughts and fears in private. Trying to fix things on your own will be very difficult but a counselor can help you work through your issues and help you make decisions.

Free yourself from the past

Take control of your feelings and get help to deal with the pain. Realize that you don't have to let your spouse's betrayal paralyze you for the rest of your life. You didn't do anything wrong. Your spouse is the one who cheated. You had no control over what he did. The only thing you have control over is how you react to his cheating.

Look at it this way. If you were to slip and fall, would you remain there on the ground being angry and in pain? Absolutely not. You'd be a little embarrassed if someone saw you fall and may be a bit bruised or even seriously hurt. But you'll get up just the same and get help for whatever injury you sustained.

My point is, just like you're not going to lay where you fell forever, neither do you want to go on hurting and being in pain over your husband's affair forever. This is not meant to trivialize what you are going through. But rather to help you get clarity and put things into perspective.

Look, the sun will continue to rise and set and the seasons are going to change. Life goes on. Don't give up on life because of something you had no control over. Believe it's possible to heal from the pain and grief of your husband's affair and actively work toward it.

What baby step can you take now to ease the pain?

Trying to do too much at once can leave you feeling overwhelmed and so you might decide to do nothing at all. Take it one step at a time. Just pick one thing and do it. Whether that be talking things out with a trusted and supportive friend or family member or getting individual counseling. Take action and I can promise you that the pain will gradually fade until it becomes a distant memory.

Author's Bio: 

C Mellie Smith knows from first-hand experience the pain of dealing with an unfaithful spouse. Visit her blog at: to download your free "Overcoming Infidelity" kit and get started on the road to recovery.